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My Worst Nightmare - Lost My Husband To Another Woman

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by dazednconfused, Nov 29, 2006.

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  1. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

    Well a friend told me that my husband has "another woman" he is seeing when he is going away on those weekends and that he brags about his having a good hiding place or something like that. I told him to never come around me again. He denies having the other woman, but I really don't see what the other person would have to gain by telling me this. At this point, it just really is too late sometimes I think anyway. He has been gone since September and I am getting used to it just being me and my little boy. My son is doing well in school and with his behavior and says he "likes the quiet" around here for once. He told me all he wanted for Christmas was his Daddy though too. It is so hard for both of us. I felt like taking a baseball bat to my husband or something, but it would not do any good.... ha, ha

    Hope you all have a blessed day.

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  3. hannah

    hannah Active Member

    feel for you....

    Have been reading your news as a month ago I asked my husband to stop fighting or leave - I knew there was something wrong but no idea what. I have researched Ptsd and MLC and I am convinced he has trauma. I regret having him leave but the family was in turmoil peace has been restored I am empty inside I miss him I miss what he was dreading suffering your worst nightmare but am fearful..... you have to let go for your own sake I know how you feel never knew this world existed take care

    Hannah :rolleyes:
  4. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

    Dazed, I am sorry to hear that. I think we all had that thought in the back off our mind, as its odd to do the things he was doing, but I guess this confirms it for you. He wants the best off both worlds IMO, being he was lieing to you during the week so he can have his son, though seeing another women on the weekends to satisfy whatever he is lacking inside.

    It really has nothing to do with you IMO, it is something in him that has caused this. Yes, PTSD has its behavioural issues to say the least, this being one of them, but only he can find his true emotions and feelings now. What he has done though, is now obviously too late for reconcilliation, as the trust has been lost.

    I am glad to hear though that you are taking care of yourself, and your son, and that the house is a bit more stable for you both. That is important, and a very good thing to hear about.
  5. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    Hey Dazed, i don't have a clue what to say, what mixed feelings you must have right now! just know that i care, and i'm praying for God to keep you in His hand.
  6. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

    Thanks guys...

    The worst part of this is he will not admit to it. He could at least admit to it and go on. He just acts like I am crazy or something and denies it. I just don't think the person that told me that he was seeing someone would lie to me and the things he is doing just adds up. He even went to the doctor and got some kind of hormone patches and I am sure that is to help his "drive" or whatever. He never would go to the doctor when I asked him to when we were married. Oh well. I told him I hope she is worth it.

    love ya'll.

  7. tig

    tig Active Member

    I'm so sorry that your worst fears were realized. Having been there myself, I know what you'd like to do to him :gunem-dow. That may be your fantasy, too. Just remember that it's rooted in the anger you naturally feel. (My psychologist says that it's okay to have your fantasies, as long as you don't ACT on them!!) But "What goes around, comes around." It may take a while; but it always does.
    It sounds like you & your son have settled into your own routine. His X-mas wish is probably quite natural for his age. How you choose to celebrate X-mas is up to you.
    I'm so happy that you told the creep to quit coming round (until you have drafted a legal arrangement sanctioned by The Court).
    About the rest: please don't waste your time on gossip or heresay-- it will only hurt you in the end.
    You will be in my thoughts. Best of luck-- remember: You are strong! :clap: tig
  8. hannah

    hannah Active Member

    Dazed, Anthony. I havent intoduced myself sorry getting the hang of this forum now .......
    My "darling" husband started acting strange 3 years ago mood swings apathy anger then on his down time from Iraq nothing but lethargy and anger he was a shell. Family life became unbearable why did I put up with it for so long ? God only knows. I expected I would eventually recognise my Love best friend and husband in there somewhere......I started rooting in his things something I have never done (this is our 25 weding anniversary year boo ho) boy what a shock photos email addresses of not One but Two
    women..... devastation "he was unhappy" "he didnt know what life held for him"........denied denied denied says it was all afantasy!!!!

    well time has gone trust has gone but his guilt and shame made him angry at me!!!! get that. He didnt sleep jittery jumpy worked all hours and that was supposed to heal our marriage???? As I said Hes gone now in a place of his own temporarily he says- although I said we had to do something for the sake of our sanity he soon made arrangements.

    He hasnt talked to me for a month he has agreed to meet me to have his mail. Hope I can keep my emotions under check I suggested a public place in case he winds me up. I am weak and he goes for that but getting stronger I have told him I will not be disrepected as I have done nothing wrong only react as a very hurt and dissapointed human being! I will not take his dis respect!!!!!! Help me God.

    The point I am trying to make is I recognise he has no "soul" at the moment and I have lost my soulmate worse still I had lost my own soul. Life is slowly seeping back to me I joined a Leisure club and hope to meet new people I willl not "Die" because he has maimed our relationship. Itll be hard but not as hard as taking all that anger nearly killed me. Small baby steps to becoming me again not to show him but to really become me. Come with me on this adventure we might find that we like it ! who knows ????!!! Your boy deserves a strong mum and as hes doing well at school you are doing it right - boys turn into men and you are shaping his emotional future take care
  9. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

    I have been there :( I understand how you feel sweetie. Your husband will wake the heck up one day and realize that he has caused alot of pain to the people he loves and he will hate himself for it. What he is doing to you and your son, he will regret forever once he opens up his eyes, and he will suffer with knowing that forever. It gets ugly. Theres not much you can do now... You are doing the right thing as we speak so continue to do so...i feel alot of anger towards your husband! He needs to wake up already and see what he is doing!! It makes me so mad :( PTSD has nothing to do with cheating, he will tell you that he was "confused" and "needy" BS!! he is being a lil boy.
  10. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

    You got that right....

    Thanks to all of you. I agree about going on and the fact that he is acting like a lil boy. My 9-year-old says he acts like a 4-year-old. If he can see it, I don't understand why my hubby can't see it.

    He can tell I am through with his crap and now he is being "nice" to me again, but I am not all "excited" inside or anything at his little flirtations with me. If he thinks that he can just show me those eyes and that face he makes and do this or that and he can just get right back in my bed with me he is CRAZY!!!!!!

    He has not asked to come back or anything, but I know he sees that he has hurt me and as that other woman has from what he said told him he has "issues" and she won't see him, I am sure he will do one of two things, either try to come back to me or see if he can find another "young, stupid, idiot" to try to pull the wool over their eyes or something.

    This ole gal is fed up with him.

    Thanks again. Have to go and type up a paper for a friend and get my child to BB practice, so I gotta get with it, but thanks for all the advice. It helps bunches.

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