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Need opposite-of-abusing myself help

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What can I do to be almost excessively nice to myself to reverse the messages I've received and perpetuated?

First, I want to welcome to the forum and you truly have found a healing place with people who talk your language regarding severe prolonged abuse. Now, please @OneToughCookie I don't understand your question? Or maybe I do and I'm only a tab bit more inquisitive here...for to my knowledge and someone please correct me if I've missed something as I am trying to go through the healing process myself...I didn't know I could reverse the extremely near deadly effects of severe prolonged abuse simply be trying to learn how to be excessively nice to myself? What? And for that matter I also did not know that prolonged complex post-traumatic stress disorder (my diagnosis) could be reversed using any type of therapeutic methodology...that it's treatable but not curable...that's what I've been taught and also I believe.

Reversing the messages...I don't know about reversing them??? However, most members here in forum are learning every day by using many various proven effective methods how not to allow the negative messages to run our lives, and there are amazing coping skills, and various therapy modalities being utilized. However, I wonder do you have a therapist? And if so, what does your therapist say to your question about how to reverse(?) and heal from the devastating abuse you've evidently endured and survived to tell in here? So glad you found us. As @ladee says: gentle hugs if you accept. (hugs)
 
Thankfully, my boyfriend is amazing and treats me wonderfully. Still, on my bad days I can be really mean to myself and hate myself. I've been with him a year, and have only just begun internalizing the messages. I think my beliefs would change much more quickly if I weren't undoing his positive messages with negative ones. I have often basic difficulty being nice to myself internally, so I'm just trying to figure out how to do that.

I don't mean reverse in that sense. Right now, my mind is still sustaining negative attacks and after-effects of abuse. Yesterday I was just diagnosed with a new autoimmune disorder. It's like my body understands that I've been rejected and rejects me itself. My belief is that if I am very kind to myself, that will yield a protective measure and slow and/or lessen the progress of the effects, just as social support does. My guess is that of two people suffering abuse, the one that is kind to themselves will be slightly less likely to get x condition later in life. They will more quickly be able to lose their negative beliefs about themselves and form positive ones, and to mitigate the effects of abuse on their life as much as possible in other ways. I don't want to merely cope with negative messages. I want to give myself so many positive messages that they become what I believe. I do have a therapist. We're working on some more pressing issues right now, which is why I asked here.

I am mindful of how I treat my body, but I am not kind to it. Right now, I have a ton of pain in my wrist, and yet am typing away, ignoring it. It doesn't seem important to me. Any idea of what might make me believe it's more important/ that I should care about my pain?
 
Any idea of what might make me believe it's more important/ that I should care about my pain?
I think it's less important that you believe, and more important that you just make different choices about your behaviors. If you habitually ignore pain, then paying attention to it is going to seem 'wrong' for awhile. Your thoughts and feelings can (and will) adjust to changes in your behavior. If you wait for it to feel right, or to believe it, then you will be waiting a long time.
 
The way I try to counter negative thoughts about myself is to concentrate on the opposite.
Often my lack of self-love is in neglect and ignoring my needs, repeatedly until I have no choice but to fix the problem coming from that. So in good times I try to recognize those needs and make fitting solution.

Like now- I need a pet, but can't have a pet- I found a cat cafe in my city where I can't hang out a bit.
Another way to self- care is learning coping skills on good days so eventually I can apply them on bad days. Like carrying an anxiety kits with me. Mp3 with music, scents I like, meds, something sweet to eat...Last one being really important as I tend to get more anxious when I'm outside and tired or hungry...Sometimes that leads to eating whatever just to calm down...But when I have already gotten something like a power bar with me, it's nice because it saves time, plus I know I've done it out of desire to self-care, which also helps in calming down.
The worst times when I have a huge PTSD-triggers-anxiety waves week, I usually recognize that I'll have less time and less energy so I take care of myself in things like perhaps taking taxi, or buying half-ready food. I don't really have beauty routine, but I recently figured out the exact issues I have and the next thing I want to do is make a morning routine that I do, and make it into a habit like making coffee, so no matter how I feel that morning I still do it.

Sometimes you change your beliefs and that changes your behavior. But sometimes small changes in your behavior can slowly improve your beliefs. Other than that for me the willingness to neglect myself usually gets less strong when I work on my core issues in therapy, as I start to vent out the toxicity of the past. Hope any of that made sense.
 
I agree that how we thing affects the way we feel. But I also agree that when other people are terribly hurtful to us, this affects us as well and if we are constantly exposed to disheartening people we can therefore become disheartened ourselves. I think it's important to work through the pain rather than ignore it and maybe find an opportunity to tell our story to someone else who will not judge us but honestly comfort us and allow us to express our feelings about what happened to us. This is something I find helps for me and is definitely something I still need to work on as well. Then from there, we can learn to let go of the pain after we've processed it and focus on self respect and self love.
We also need to learn not to let other people's harsh judgements towards us and abuse towards us make us feel less than and forgive ourselves for our behaviors in response to being abused. I say this because I know I am working on this myself too.
It's unfair and painful but somehow doable. Hugs
 
Thank you so much, this is my core issue meaning I have cPTSD from CSA but the primary manifestation is self harm through abuse reactive behavior with others. I use other people to harm me in other words and I ask them to do it. It has taken me forever to unpack this little truth. I saw it long ago but I thought it was imaginary till I got into trauma therapy or I thought it was a good realization but not fixable.

Did you ever see Forbidden Planet? They developed machines that creatd what they had in their minds. They had not counted on their subconscious minds. Monsters from their subconscious minds destroyed them.

I had/have a monster in my subconscious mind. Me. (And not me) It tried to destroy me. So my attempts to be nice to me were futile. What was in there, what I was hiding was so much bigger than I was or am. Now I am a little nicer. I am looking at my little boy. (Peeking) I just didn't understand the difference or where all that awful stuff was coming from or even that it existed.

I started by saying to myself "right now in this moment I'm not doing anything wrong." I did this because I recognized that my only motivation for anything was negative as in "it's bad if you do that or don't or it means you are bad."

What if I'm not?
 
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