T
technigirl
Hi all, I'm new here, and I hope I'm posting in the right place. I am just looking for some advice on how to handle a good friend of mine who has PTSD, who has recently shut me out.
I've been friends with this person for about a year, we became friends because we worked together for a while last year. We live in different cities but he's traveled here several times for work, so we have spent a fair amount of in-person time together. I've known about his PTSD from the start, as he was quite open about telling me he had it, but I didn't quite realize the ramifications of it before I became close with him. An important point is that his PTSD is untreated - he has meds but doesn't take them, and is currently not doing any therapy. Over time I experienced how moody he can be, he even cussed me out on occasion, but usually came back and we would be friends again. He never really seemed to apologize though. He's quite bossy and nitpicky, seems a little OCD, doesn't like it if you look at him for too long and sometimes doesn't like to be touched either. It all depends on the mood. BTW this is combat PTSD with perhaps a bit of childhood trauma thrown in, as he grew up in Baghdad with Tomahawks flying overhead. Sometimes he can be very nice and helpful and fun to be with, but other times he's a total a**hole. The reason I have stayed friends with him is that I could see that he's a good person under all of that, a broken person maybe, but a good one. I tried to forgive the a**holery and be understanding of the PTSD. I should also mention that I'm female, so there's that aspect thrown in. I don't think he wanted a relationship with me but he sometimes flirted with me and a couple times tried to kiss me, so there could be some attraction there. I'm just throwing that out there, not sure it's relevant or not.
Now, to the most recent happenings. He lives in a beach city and a few weeks ago I took a weeklong vacation out there and stayed with him (he invited me). There were a couple of times during the trip that he got into a mood and we got a little irritated at each other, but overall I had fun, thought he seemed to as well, and the trip went well. When I left we hugged said see you soon, he said I could come back anytime. The problems started when I got back. I noticed right away that he didn't seem to want to talk to me. When I tried to initiate chat via IM or FB, I would get either no response or a jerky one. When that happened, I would give him a couple of days then try again. This went on for about a week. Finally, one day he said some nasty things, told me to stop talking to him, and then blocked me on FB and at work. That was 2 weeks ago and we haven't spoken or chatted since. He did tell a mutual friend of ours that he "needs space", whatever that means. Would have been nice for him to tell me directly. At this point I figure the friendship is over, but I wonder if I should reach out at all? Would sending an email be helpful or unproductive in this situation? Nothing too emotional, just to say "hey, I noticed you havent wanted to talk to me for some reason, I still care and I'm here if you ever want to talk again."? Should I do something, or just write this one off as a hard lesson?
I've been friends with this person for about a year, we became friends because we worked together for a while last year. We live in different cities but he's traveled here several times for work, so we have spent a fair amount of in-person time together. I've known about his PTSD from the start, as he was quite open about telling me he had it, but I didn't quite realize the ramifications of it before I became close with him. An important point is that his PTSD is untreated - he has meds but doesn't take them, and is currently not doing any therapy. Over time I experienced how moody he can be, he even cussed me out on occasion, but usually came back and we would be friends again. He never really seemed to apologize though. He's quite bossy and nitpicky, seems a little OCD, doesn't like it if you look at him for too long and sometimes doesn't like to be touched either. It all depends on the mood. BTW this is combat PTSD with perhaps a bit of childhood trauma thrown in, as he grew up in Baghdad with Tomahawks flying overhead. Sometimes he can be very nice and helpful and fun to be with, but other times he's a total a**hole. The reason I have stayed friends with him is that I could see that he's a good person under all of that, a broken person maybe, but a good one. I tried to forgive the a**holery and be understanding of the PTSD. I should also mention that I'm female, so there's that aspect thrown in. I don't think he wanted a relationship with me but he sometimes flirted with me and a couple times tried to kiss me, so there could be some attraction there. I'm just throwing that out there, not sure it's relevant or not.
Now, to the most recent happenings. He lives in a beach city and a few weeks ago I took a weeklong vacation out there and stayed with him (he invited me). There were a couple of times during the trip that he got into a mood and we got a little irritated at each other, but overall I had fun, thought he seemed to as well, and the trip went well. When I left we hugged said see you soon, he said I could come back anytime. The problems started when I got back. I noticed right away that he didn't seem to want to talk to me. When I tried to initiate chat via IM or FB, I would get either no response or a jerky one. When that happened, I would give him a couple of days then try again. This went on for about a week. Finally, one day he said some nasty things, told me to stop talking to him, and then blocked me on FB and at work. That was 2 weeks ago and we haven't spoken or chatted since. He did tell a mutual friend of ours that he "needs space", whatever that means. Would have been nice for him to tell me directly. At this point I figure the friendship is over, but I wonder if I should reach out at all? Would sending an email be helpful or unproductive in this situation? Nothing too emotional, just to say "hey, I noticed you havent wanted to talk to me for some reason, I still care and I'm here if you ever want to talk again."? Should I do something, or just write this one off as a hard lesson?