Finding My Voice
New Here
Ok so I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I need to get it out and I want to know if there is anyone with a similar experience because I feel like I'm going crazy.
So I'm 23, for years I've had weird physical things happen... probably since about the age of 15. I have had migraines and stomach migraines since 4 but other than that was physically a fairly healthy child besides a few rounds of chicken pox, measles, flus/colds, stomach viruses and a few urinary tract infections.
Since about 15 I've had weird things on and off, my speech goes funny every now and then for a few days/weeks, random sensations of water dripping down my leg, back pain, neck pain, numness/tingling, feeling like I have really thick blood (like its too thick for my veins/arteries or my veins are too small), headaches, dizziness, twitching/jolting in a limb or muscle, feeling shakey inside, tremors, extreme tiredness, hard to walk, slurred/mumbled speech, electric shock/strong pins &needles, weakness, constant cramp in my leg for a few days every now and then on and off, stabbing pains in my face, excruciating stabbing pains in my stomach for hours, blurred vision, spots in my eyes without headache, random stabbing pains, hard to swallow/breathe, crunching sensation in my back when I breathe/bend, tight feeling around waist/chest like I'm being hugged tightly, rush of adrenaline from the bottom of my feel up to the top of my head then down again, one part of my finger feeling bruised with no cause for days then goes away then comes back a few days later in the exact same spot but nothing visibly bruised. I understand that some of these things are probably due to anxiety.. although I don't feel anxious a lot of the time when I experience the symptoms of anxiety, I think my body and mind quite often disconnect.
All of these things last days to weeks, they come on randomly and not all at the same time, usually its only 1 or 2 of those things that are there during those days/weeks. anyway just a bunch of weirdness.
Writing this down makes me feel like I'm a huge whinger but I haven't spoken about all of this with anyone except a few weeks back when I was rushed to hospital because I had symptoms of a stroke, I couldn't connect my words to my thoughts and wasn't making sense/slurring, weakness/numbness down one side, and blood pressure was very high.
That combination of things had never happened before and it came on so suddenly that it scared me. Anyway many tests later and no results. I saw a neurologist and after asking several questions he asked me whether I suffer from depression or anxiety.
Whilst I don't believe that I currently do, I am diagnosed with CPTSD but I just mentioned to him that I have suffered with depression and anxiety in the past and as soon as I said that he didn't bother to do any further tests, he was going to and consulted with another neurologist and was planning a few more tests but as soon as I mentioned those words he didn't bother and said it's nothing. Then he said it could possibly be Functional neurolgical disorder?
Its why I never go to doctors, firstly I don't like being physically examined, its stresses me out big time and secondly because as soon as I mention anything to do with mental health.. suddenly everything is because of that. While I don't dismiss the idea that a lot of it or maybe even all of it (I really don't believe so though) could be to do with a long history of sexual abuse, self harm and depression/anxiety.. I don't want that to be the only thing they put it down to.
I guess I just want them to take me seriously, and they did until I brought up mental health words.
I would be happy if that's the conclusion they come to after exploring all other options or at least discussing with me other possibilities or things I can do to help because some of the things that are happening are really starting to get in the way of my life.
I'm now in constant pain and I still go to work and do most things I'm invited to etc (the mental battle to go out and do those things is hard enough but now adding in pain etc it's becoming a war each time) I eat painkillers (over the counter) like candy some days just to function without being so grumpy and touchy because of the pain. IM becoming slower at work.and it's exhausting me and I don't want ANY of these things to become an excuse.
I keep telling myself it's all in my head because I gets that's what the doctor thinks so if it's in my head then I should just be able to push through it but it's not easing. I'm exhausted. The pain is becoming unbearable and mind over matter isn't working. I'm pushing myself to keep up with all my commitments and things but I'm very quickly reaching my limit.
I'm 23 and in good shape otherwise but I feel like my body is letting me down, my mind is only just beginning to head down the path of recovery but my body feels as if it's failing me. I'm trying to not let it bother me and I don't complain, although this whole thing I've written is just one huge complaint.
I don't know what to do. I feel like something isn't right. A huge part of me is telling me not to care because what does it matter, I deserve every bit of pain I have and more, but there's a part of me that wants to be well and get well but I dont know how to get physically well if apparently it's my mind that is sick? My mind is slowly healing but my body is getting worse. I don't understand. I think the doctor is taking the easy way out but I'm way to passive in real life to stand up for myself, and there's no way I would push them to explore further because it probably is that I'm just an idiot and that I'm weak and pathetic and am just complaining. Plus I see a doctor like every 3 years or so (besides a psychologist) so I don't even have a regular one.
I don't know why I wrote all this, I guess I'm just exhausted and I don't know where to go from here. I feel like a baby.
Has anyone else got weird things that happen to them? Is there anything that helps any of these symptoms? Am I just crazy? Is it all in my head? Do doctors take patients with a mental health history seriously? What should I do next? If it is all in my head... what then? How do I fix this? Ignoring it isn't making it any better :(
So I'm 23, for years I've had weird physical things happen... probably since about the age of 15. I have had migraines and stomach migraines since 4 but other than that was physically a fairly healthy child besides a few rounds of chicken pox, measles, flus/colds, stomach viruses and a few urinary tract infections.
Since about 15 I've had weird things on and off, my speech goes funny every now and then for a few days/weeks, random sensations of water dripping down my leg, back pain, neck pain, numness/tingling, feeling like I have really thick blood (like its too thick for my veins/arteries or my veins are too small), headaches, dizziness, twitching/jolting in a limb or muscle, feeling shakey inside, tremors, extreme tiredness, hard to walk, slurred/mumbled speech, electric shock/strong pins &needles, weakness, constant cramp in my leg for a few days every now and then on and off, stabbing pains in my face, excruciating stabbing pains in my stomach for hours, blurred vision, spots in my eyes without headache, random stabbing pains, hard to swallow/breathe, crunching sensation in my back when I breathe/bend, tight feeling around waist/chest like I'm being hugged tightly, rush of adrenaline from the bottom of my feel up to the top of my head then down again, one part of my finger feeling bruised with no cause for days then goes away then comes back a few days later in the exact same spot but nothing visibly bruised. I understand that some of these things are probably due to anxiety.. although I don't feel anxious a lot of the time when I experience the symptoms of anxiety, I think my body and mind quite often disconnect.
All of these things last days to weeks, they come on randomly and not all at the same time, usually its only 1 or 2 of those things that are there during those days/weeks. anyway just a bunch of weirdness.
Writing this down makes me feel like I'm a huge whinger but I haven't spoken about all of this with anyone except a few weeks back when I was rushed to hospital because I had symptoms of a stroke, I couldn't connect my words to my thoughts and wasn't making sense/slurring, weakness/numbness down one side, and blood pressure was very high.
That combination of things had never happened before and it came on so suddenly that it scared me. Anyway many tests later and no results. I saw a neurologist and after asking several questions he asked me whether I suffer from depression or anxiety.
Whilst I don't believe that I currently do, I am diagnosed with CPTSD but I just mentioned to him that I have suffered with depression and anxiety in the past and as soon as I said that he didn't bother to do any further tests, he was going to and consulted with another neurologist and was planning a few more tests but as soon as I mentioned those words he didn't bother and said it's nothing. Then he said it could possibly be Functional neurolgical disorder?
Its why I never go to doctors, firstly I don't like being physically examined, its stresses me out big time and secondly because as soon as I mention anything to do with mental health.. suddenly everything is because of that. While I don't dismiss the idea that a lot of it or maybe even all of it (I really don't believe so though) could be to do with a long history of sexual abuse, self harm and depression/anxiety.. I don't want that to be the only thing they put it down to.
I guess I just want them to take me seriously, and they did until I brought up mental health words.
I would be happy if that's the conclusion they come to after exploring all other options or at least discussing with me other possibilities or things I can do to help because some of the things that are happening are really starting to get in the way of my life.
I'm now in constant pain and I still go to work and do most things I'm invited to etc (the mental battle to go out and do those things is hard enough but now adding in pain etc it's becoming a war each time) I eat painkillers (over the counter) like candy some days just to function without being so grumpy and touchy because of the pain. IM becoming slower at work.and it's exhausting me and I don't want ANY of these things to become an excuse.
I keep telling myself it's all in my head because I gets that's what the doctor thinks so if it's in my head then I should just be able to push through it but it's not easing. I'm exhausted. The pain is becoming unbearable and mind over matter isn't working. I'm pushing myself to keep up with all my commitments and things but I'm very quickly reaching my limit.
I'm 23 and in good shape otherwise but I feel like my body is letting me down, my mind is only just beginning to head down the path of recovery but my body feels as if it's failing me. I'm trying to not let it bother me and I don't complain, although this whole thing I've written is just one huge complaint.
I don't know what to do. I feel like something isn't right. A huge part of me is telling me not to care because what does it matter, I deserve every bit of pain I have and more, but there's a part of me that wants to be well and get well but I dont know how to get physically well if apparently it's my mind that is sick? My mind is slowly healing but my body is getting worse. I don't understand. I think the doctor is taking the easy way out but I'm way to passive in real life to stand up for myself, and there's no way I would push them to explore further because it probably is that I'm just an idiot and that I'm weak and pathetic and am just complaining. Plus I see a doctor like every 3 years or so (besides a psychologist) so I don't even have a regular one.
I don't know why I wrote all this, I guess I'm just exhausted and I don't know where to go from here. I feel like a baby.
Has anyone else got weird things that happen to them? Is there anything that helps any of these symptoms? Am I just crazy? Is it all in my head? Do doctors take patients with a mental health history seriously? What should I do next? If it is all in my head... what then? How do I fix this? Ignoring it isn't making it any better :(
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