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Needing instant advice

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Rani G2

MyPTSD Pro
So, back to the same power/ submission thing in relationship.

This time I need practical advice. I am meeting a woman who kind of triggers me or lets say she mirrors an aspect of myself which I find hard to deal with. I know she likes me, she has even said good things about me but I still find her behaviour at times very core collapsing.

So the thing is, she likes to be seen as someone who is selfconfident, someone who also says her opinion and wants to kind of be dominant. I was never someone who backs off easily and dislike to be seen as someone who easily gives in or is fearful. There lies the problem. I kind of want to be like her and at the same time I dont want to loose.


So what I want to know is, how can I handle her withput focusing on her too much and feeling defeated. There are other people there too. Focus on others and ignore? Not talking to her?


Need practical stuff...like imagination techniques or sentences I could repeat?

Anyone any ideas?


Thanks

Sorry for sounding so needy...but needed advice
 
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I think I know somebody like this.

I get along with her by having good conversations And making an effort to be witty, should keep her interested. And since argument is pointless, pick your battles wisely.

Agree with her opinion of course when you should. If you can’t, this is where you have to be pretty smart to try to convince her otherwise. Try positive ways to making your point during the conversation. I wouldn’t raise your voice, or be overly critical in your responses if she favors dominance. It would challenge her likely to argue or turn it ugly.

Biting your tongue is really hard sometimes for many people. If what’s being said isn’t working for you, agree for the time being and divert the conversation towards something else without being obvious you are running. It keeps the peace and nobody says anything that can’t be unsaid.

I’m not you so I don’t know but this one might not be easy. If you get it right, both of you might give each other a chance and At the very least both be good friends and respect one another.

It’s a hard one to answer really because I don’t quite know how dominant she is this person you described. The layout I just gave you was for a person who is pretty dominant and is expressive about her opinions , but then she’s also pretty amazing and has accomplished a lot in her life. she is well worth the effort to work with.

Of course I am also a pain in the ass, so I have to know when to let her have her’s and pick the battles wisely. Speak wisely. Have fun. Be calm when the temperature rises. Be supportive and helpful but don’t let her walk all over you. Say how you feel, calmly.
 
Rather than getting into a battle with her can you accept that you both might have different views or experiences that are equally valid. So, she likes to have her say and so do you - try not to get drawn into a direct discussion of her opinion or yours, just accept that both exists.

In those situations I find responses that are respectfully non-committal really helpful. Things like "that's interesting, I see things differently, my experience differs from yours" that's recognises it's ok for her to have her opinion and you to have yours.

Ultimately if I feel the need to stand my ground it's because of my own insecurity - my need to be right, is my need and actually nothing to do with the other person. So, if you know there's something about her that touches you, it's yours to deal with. If there are other people there can you engage more with them, leave others to challenge her if need be and accept that the challenge just might not happen?

On a purely practical level, if I feel myself wanting to get drawn into something I'll take myself off to the loo for a minute just to calm down and wait for the feeling to pass. Keep some strong mints, scented hand cream or something you can use to ground yourself in the moment. And remember that winning takes lots of different forms - you don't need to win the discussion to "win".
 
find responses that are respectfully non-committal really helpful. Things like "that's interesting, I see things differently, my experience differs from yours" that's recognises it's ok for her to have her opinion and you to have your

Thank you Suzetig this helps a lot. Today I have decided to make an inner dialog with little purusha. She is here with me and secure. She/ I we all have our Dignity.

The mint thing is a good idea. Thank you.
 
Thank you also gamereign555 and Alba!

The evening was ok, and I actually told her that I kind of see a mirroring of myself when I interact with her which is not easy to deal with. She explained why she is the way she is. It was good to explain it, and I felt empowered but I still have thoughts of being a too much of a passive person which I am NOT. This happens when I am with these ppl. I like them, its a certain kind of a masdive feeling of insecurity.
 
I am scanning for moments from yesterday where I felt as if I was not being strong enough, not disagreeing on one or two occasions. Urghhhh rumination. Need to STOP.
 
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