Hopeforlife
Confident
Hi all, I have been lurking around this site and it’s forums for a while trying to build the courage to ask for help.
Here goes... From as young as I can remember as a young child until around 12 I was sexually abused quite frequently. I somehow managed to function and suppress the memories until I was around 18. Had a horrendous 2 years of anti depressants, counselling and EMDR therapy. At times it felt worse than the actual abuse and manipulation. Eventually I started to feel better. Fast forward 15 years a husband and 2 children later I am finding myself sinking again. I have managed to find a therapist specialised in EMDR again and other therapies. I have had 6 sessions so far and she does not want to start the therapy as she thinks I am not stable enough. We have tried all sorts of techniques so far but I am still an emotional mess. Today she advised that I visit the doctor and see what they can prescribe me medication wise so that I am stable for the therapy. I am terrified I will end up suicidal again taking pills but feel stuck that I can’t go forward. Nightmares and flashbacks are a very regular occurrence and to top it off today at the meeting with my psychologist I think I had an episode of disassociation/flashback. One minute we were talking and the next a flashback crept in and before I know it I can not hear what she is saying and I’m trying to block the flashback but this causes me to panic. I sort of feel not there for a bit!
Feeling very alone.
Here goes... From as young as I can remember as a young child until around 12 I was sexually abused quite frequently. I somehow managed to function and suppress the memories until I was around 18. Had a horrendous 2 years of anti depressants, counselling and EMDR therapy. At times it felt worse than the actual abuse and manipulation. Eventually I started to feel better. Fast forward 15 years a husband and 2 children later I am finding myself sinking again. I have managed to find a therapist specialised in EMDR again and other therapies. I have had 6 sessions so far and she does not want to start the therapy as she thinks I am not stable enough. We have tried all sorts of techniques so far but I am still an emotional mess. Today she advised that I visit the doctor and see what they can prescribe me medication wise so that I am stable for the therapy. I am terrified I will end up suicidal again taking pills but feel stuck that I can’t go forward. Nightmares and flashbacks are a very regular occurrence and to top it off today at the meeting with my psychologist I think I had an episode of disassociation/flashback. One minute we were talking and the next a flashback crept in and before I know it I can not hear what she is saying and I’m trying to block the flashback but this causes me to panic. I sort of feel not there for a bit!
Feeling very alone.