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Relationship Never Dealt With Ptsd, Among Other Mental Illness's In A Relationship

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nataly87

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This is my situation with my Boyfriend, him and I being together for 1 year and 4 months, both of us 28, living at home with our own families, and well sadly things have not gotten better. They have gotten worse. I am crying every single day, and his PTSD keeps going up and up, why because of the abuse I am doing to him, due to his past and his ex-girlfriend, who was also abusive to him. Me yelling and screaming, putting him down, not being supportive enough, showing empathy, appreciation, and all that, makes the PTSD worse, and I end up having him not want to hang out or talk to me at all, because he feels drained, miserable, unhappy, depressed, sad, anxious, nervous, etc.

Its not my fault, he upsets me and I get upset towards what he does. But he expects me to help fix his PTSD, be there for him, when I am trying but its not good enough. I really don't know what to do, I want to be there for him I do but its hard for me. I have never been with someone thats dealt with so many mental issues before, this guy deals with PTSD, ADD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, social anxiety, social phobia, etc.

The only things I've dealt with when my previous partners was one was bipolar and the others had diabetes. I again just feel I am making matters worse. I don't know what to do, to help him. He is taking medication and is seeing a 1 on 1 but it isn't helping him enough I guess. He says he needs to save what medication, a month's supply at that, for himself, and he needs to focus on himself, keep his health in check etc.

He says if I make his PTSD go up, then that causes him to take his medication, and he can't save that medication for when him and I gota hang out or go to an event or whatever. Me, I have always loved and cared for others, putting their happiness before mine, going out of my way for everyone etc. But then I have this other side of me, that has this angry and attitude problem, having a FU, I don't care, whatever, thats not my problem, so what, so etc. Due to my upbringing of being spoiled, being an only child etc.

I really don't know what more I can do, but I am really scared and don't want to loose him.
 
I'm confused. You're admitting that you abuse him? Or you just mean that this is what he accuses you of? Are you actually yelling at him and putting him down? Cause that seems like a good place to start if you want to try to improve the relationship. If you are aware that you do these things, why do you keep doing them?
 
Yes I abuse him, BUT I only abuse him because he upsets me, he gets me angry, so if I am angry and upset of course I am going to do things when acting out. Anyone who gets upset does stuff they don't mean and all that.

Yes I do yell at him and put him down. Because it's something that is hard to change. I am trying my best to change and yet the change is not happening. No matter how many times I say sorry or say I will change, the same cycle keeps on happening.
 
There is a difference between abusing someone and getting angry/upset with a person. Abuse is very targeted and personal, and if you are actually abusing him, you need to leave him and get help before you even try to build a relationship. If you don't, it will come back to bite you in the ass later -- either by making his PTSD worse and making him lash out at you, or by making the relationship so toxic that you are both bound for self-destruction. To be honest, it kinda sounds like it already is a doomed relationship, especially if you are aware that you are abusing him but keep doing it. Also, if he expects you to "fix his PTSD," then I think he's confused about how healing works and he shouldn't be in a relationship either. I'm confused about how you two managed to stay together for so long if (from the sounds of it) neither of you really seem to understand the other one's wants and needs ... If he upsets you so much, you need to walk away, not stick around so that you can abuse him. It just sounds super unhealthy on both sides. I think you need to pull the plug.
 
How can you sit there and say that yelling and abuse and putting him down are not your fault?

What,he has a knife to your throat forcing you to do those things?

Never occur to you to WALK AWAY if you cant control yourself?
Gather your thoughts and return more composed?

Do you understand that you are traumatising him further, and then taking no responsibility for it, so making him feel as though he deserves that kind of treatment?

You are speaking to the wrong people if you want sympathy for this.
We HAVE ptsd and don't use it as an excuse to speak to those who we love like that.

Leave him the hell alone, go find a partner who can stand up to your bullying and let this man heal ffs.
 
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