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Sufferer New and a bit anxious. trying to open up about mva.

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Hi there.

I want to start off my introduction by explaining that this is a new process for me, and I'm not quite used to being open about my experiences or my daily responses. I was actually given suggestion by one of my doctors to find a place filled with others like me, so I can learn to accept that this is something that I'll be dealing with often, and hopefully won't have to attempt to repress it as often anymore.

I don't know a lot of specific terms for anything yet, and even just typing this out is giving me anxiety. I've suffered from clinical depression for most of my life, as well as an acute anxiety disorder. Last summer I was in a car accident that tore my left leg muscle in half and left me unable to breath until I was in an ambulance and on some kind of respirator. I don't remember feeling anything wrong with my leg, just that I was in shock and once I was able to breathe well enough to speak I began asking if they were going to have to cut it off because of the damage, and because I couldn't feel it at the time.

Once I started going through the physical healing process, I found myself having breakdowns almost daily. There were moments all the time where I'd feel like I was back in the car, surrounded by smoke and hearing the screams of the other passengers (we all made it out alive, thankfully). It all completely shattered when the Sheriff came by to ask me questions about the accident, because it was a rental and I'd been the one driving. He showed me an image of the top half of the fence we'd run into going directly into my headrest, and explained that if I hadn't moved the few inches that I did when we hit, it would have gone through me.

His words basically sank into me and made me feel like I was immediately back in that car. I started becoming hysterical to the point where I was incoherent, and my mother pulled me from the room after apologizing to the Sheriff for my outburst. After that, I tried desperately to keep myself from showing any signs that the accident still got to me. I would leave whatever room I was in if I could feel an attack coming on, but I couldn't stop myself from waking up screaming most nights after.

I got therapy shortly after that, which was when I was diagnosed with a form of PTSD, and we started doing weekly sessions. My doctor explained that I was still bottling up too much, and it would better benefit me to open up to others who'd experienced something similar, and hopefully that would allow me to better accept that this is going to be something I live with on a regular basis.

Our hope is that the community here will allow me to grow and make this something that doesn't hold the rest of my life back. I hope that this is a positive experience for me, and I look forward to getting to know some of you.
 
Welcome @Spring Flower . I'm glad you took the step of coming here. It has helped me a lot and I hope it does the same for you.

Its not clear from your introduction who is doing your therapy and what type it is. You needn't answer but it is the kind of thing many of us are a little obsessed by :)
 
Hi there Spring flower welcome to this forum
That is a good name, nice to meet you. Thank you for the introduction. It takes a lot to come to a new place where you know no one and tell the story of a truamatic experience of yours. Part of my PTSD comes from a motorcycle accident I wake up from sleep in full panic. I didn't know what it was until really resent. I awake at the moment of impart. So glad you found us now you are not alone in this any more.Lots of great supportive people here to share your experiences with. It is a large site with many forums with lots of different topic's. Hope to see you around.
Peace be safe
 
Welcome, glad you found us... you are not alone. Many of us here understand how you feel and how it feels to not be able to express yourself... this is a very healing site...hope to see you around.. A lot of really wonderful compassionate people here.
 
Welcome @Spring Flower . I'm glad you took the step of coming here. It has helped m...

He's actually a local therapist I had been seeing when I was in middle school due to my depression. I'd taken a break from it for a few years, and then after the accident we thought it was a good idea to go through it again, and I happened to wind up taking it from the same therapist. It's mostly CBT as far as any PTSD regarding the accident is concerned, for the type. On a whim he suggested reaching out and seeing if I could find anyone that happened to experience the same things I did, and these forums came up in a Google Search a while back.

I was admittedly nervous and sat on it for a few weeks before he suggested giving it a try, as we were both wondering if like minded individuals would be somewhat of a stepping stone towards any kind of recovery for me. Hope that helps answer the question! :)
 
@Spring Flower it does answer the question :) Thanks.

I really hope this place does help you. It did for me. But you do have to be careful. Do not read things you are not ready for. It is easy to over do it. Most of us try not to post anything too traumatic without a warning but not everyone does.
 
Most of us try not to post anything too traumatic without a warning but not everyone does.

Just a note from our Community Constitution | My PTSD Forum
:)

MyPTSD does not use trigger warnings. Mind reading what could be a trigger for another is a negative thinking style, a problem all PTSD sufferers need to correct at some level. Whilst some view its use as a courtesy, it is impossible to know what will, or will not, trigger another person, regardless the graphic detail contained. After all, this is a space where those affected can discuss trauma and its consequences.
 
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