Spring Flower
New Here
Hi there.
I want to start off my introduction by explaining that this is a new process for me, and I'm not quite used to being open about my experiences or my daily responses. I was actually given suggestion by one of my doctors to find a place filled with others like me, so I can learn to accept that this is something that I'll be dealing with often, and hopefully won't have to attempt to repress it as often anymore.
I don't know a lot of specific terms for anything yet, and even just typing this out is giving me anxiety. I've suffered from clinical depression for most of my life, as well as an acute anxiety disorder. Last summer I was in a car accident that tore my left leg muscle in half and left me unable to breath until I was in an ambulance and on some kind of respirator. I don't remember feeling anything wrong with my leg, just that I was in shock and once I was able to breathe well enough to speak I began asking if they were going to have to cut it off because of the damage, and because I couldn't feel it at the time.
Once I started going through the physical healing process, I found myself having breakdowns almost daily. There were moments all the time where I'd feel like I was back in the car, surrounded by smoke and hearing the screams of the other passengers (we all made it out alive, thankfully). It all completely shattered when the Sheriff came by to ask me questions about the accident, because it was a rental and I'd been the one driving. He showed me an image of the top half of the fence we'd run into going directly into my headrest, and explained that if I hadn't moved the few inches that I did when we hit, it would have gone through me.
His words basically sank into me and made me feel like I was immediately back in that car. I started becoming hysterical to the point where I was incoherent, and my mother pulled me from the room after apologizing to the Sheriff for my outburst. After that, I tried desperately to keep myself from showing any signs that the accident still got to me. I would leave whatever room I was in if I could feel an attack coming on, but I couldn't stop myself from waking up screaming most nights after.
I got therapy shortly after that, which was when I was diagnosed with a form of PTSD, and we started doing weekly sessions. My doctor explained that I was still bottling up too much, and it would better benefit me to open up to others who'd experienced something similar, and hopefully that would allow me to better accept that this is going to be something I live with on a regular basis.
Our hope is that the community here will allow me to grow and make this something that doesn't hold the rest of my life back. I hope that this is a positive experience for me, and I look forward to getting to know some of you.
I want to start off my introduction by explaining that this is a new process for me, and I'm not quite used to being open about my experiences or my daily responses. I was actually given suggestion by one of my doctors to find a place filled with others like me, so I can learn to accept that this is something that I'll be dealing with often, and hopefully won't have to attempt to repress it as often anymore.
I don't know a lot of specific terms for anything yet, and even just typing this out is giving me anxiety. I've suffered from clinical depression for most of my life, as well as an acute anxiety disorder. Last summer I was in a car accident that tore my left leg muscle in half and left me unable to breath until I was in an ambulance and on some kind of respirator. I don't remember feeling anything wrong with my leg, just that I was in shock and once I was able to breathe well enough to speak I began asking if they were going to have to cut it off because of the damage, and because I couldn't feel it at the time.
Once I started going through the physical healing process, I found myself having breakdowns almost daily. There were moments all the time where I'd feel like I was back in the car, surrounded by smoke and hearing the screams of the other passengers (we all made it out alive, thankfully). It all completely shattered when the Sheriff came by to ask me questions about the accident, because it was a rental and I'd been the one driving. He showed me an image of the top half of the fence we'd run into going directly into my headrest, and explained that if I hadn't moved the few inches that I did when we hit, it would have gone through me.
His words basically sank into me and made me feel like I was immediately back in that car. I started becoming hysterical to the point where I was incoherent, and my mother pulled me from the room after apologizing to the Sheriff for my outburst. After that, I tried desperately to keep myself from showing any signs that the accident still got to me. I would leave whatever room I was in if I could feel an attack coming on, but I couldn't stop myself from waking up screaming most nights after.
I got therapy shortly after that, which was when I was diagnosed with a form of PTSD, and we started doing weekly sessions. My doctor explained that I was still bottling up too much, and it would better benefit me to open up to others who'd experienced something similar, and hopefully that would allow me to better accept that this is going to be something I live with on a regular basis.
Our hope is that the community here will allow me to grow and make this something that doesn't hold the rest of my life back. I hope that this is a positive experience for me, and I look forward to getting to know some of you.