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Relationship New Here And Not Sure

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TokyoSparrow

New Here
Hi all, I'm new here and new to dealing with someone with PTSD, I'm not sure if I should have tried sifting through the forums more before posting. I was dating my boyfriend for five months before he decided it was okay to 'try out' being official, and now a month later I think he might be reconsidering. Thus far I've personally seen very little of his PTSD, he might be less chatty some days and there's definately mood shifts but things were going pretty well. Over the weekend we had what to me was a slight disagreement and I let him know in the least aggressive way possible that my feelings had been hurt. Then suddenly he's thinking he's not sure he wants to be dealing with the repercussions of someone else and has withdrawn. As such we've agreed to sit down and talk later this week but I'm not sure how to approach the subject now. I'm not mad at all and I understand that maybe I didn't explain myself fully enough or it might have just been a day where he was overwhelmed with everything else so I sent him over the edge...but I don't know how to proceed or if there's any good ways to mending the situation?
 
Hi, and welcome!

There is no right or wrong way....some people read a lot before making their first post while others post right away. Its important to do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

I think its a good idea to sit down with him and clarify things when both of you have a clear head. That is, I am thinking he will be less reactive if you approach it as something to be worked out between the two of you (in the absence of anger). I know that as a sufferer myself, I am MUCH more reactive when the other person is exhibiting anger. I think that you should tell him exactly what you've told us, that you're not mad and you just want to work through the issue at hand.
 
There is no right or wrong way
I'm on the flip side of your post. Last year I went through a short relationship that I hoped would get serious. I thought I had recovered enough to not withdraw when there was confrontation or disagreement. She tried to relate to me and be understanding, but at some point she turned away.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way. If it's something you want then I would suggest you don't take his reactions or withdrawal personally.
 
I'm not taking it personally, I know that it wasn't really a reaction based on me being wrong or inconsiderate but it's just a reaction. I'm willing to be patient and I want to do my best to know more about his situation. I let him tell me things when he feels like sharing but I don't push him. He's going through a program at the VA and I know he's working on himself so it's really all about him, so I'm doing my best to understand what/when to let him know things that upset me without causing a huge issue because I know I can deal with it but sometimes maybe he won't be able to. I promised to be honest and upfront with him when we started being 'official'. Thanks for all the support and advice.
 
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