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New Here - CPTSD, The Recovery Never Ends

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syrinx

New Here
I am 28 years old, and have been diagnosed with C-PTSD for about 11 years. I was chronically abused by my peers up until the age of 10 when my family moved. I then promptly forgot my entire childhood until I started having breakthrough memories at 16 or 17. I have a hard time reconciling my history, not so much regarding the trauma, or the amnesia; more so the havoc it wreaked in my life in my teens and early twenties.

My life has been approaching normal, and in many ways I have become successful. I often look back at the psych hospitalisations, misdiagnoses (at one point I was even labelled schizophrenic), and on and off issues with self injury. I wonder if that was really me.

It doesn't match with the up and coming professional focused on buying a house. It doesn't match up with the working professional who at times treats people very similar to her former self. Which is a whole other bizarre story. I actually didn't want to be a psychotherapist, I wanted to do neuropsych research or work in social policy. By a pure fluke I ended up in an internship at a psychiatric hospital, and everything just clicked.

I'm here because I'm still recovering and trying to make sense of it all. I owe that to myself, those I care about, and the people I work with. Parts of my life are still deficient, I still have breakthrough symptoms I'm working through.

Thank you for this place, and I hope it helps me, and that I can support all of you in return.

~ S
 
Wow, your story is inspiring. I often look back at 'older versions' of myself and wonder who she was. I think it's amazing that you're working with others who you feel resemble who you 'used' to be. I'd find that difficult. I'm new too, so just wanted to say hello.
D/x
 
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