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New Here - Friend Has PTSD and No Support

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Babycakes, Nov 16, 2006.

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  1. Babycakes

    Babycakes New Member

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    Hi there,:hello:

    some of you may have read my thread in the "intro" section. Two weeks ago I found out that a very dear friend of mine has PTSD. I almost stumbled across this fact. I knew his cousin had upset him so I offered to talk and from being upset it turned out he was suicidal. I knew he had been wanting to tell me something for quite some time now but kept saying he wasn't ready. I was also aware of his trust issues but he said he trusted me. Two days later he sent me an email detailing how at the age of 13 (he is now 29) his best friend had died in front of him in a terrorist attack, also another man died he didn't know. He has never spoken about this to anyone, no counselling, no anything - it doesn't exist where he lives.

    Three days later he stopped every contact with me. It felt like hell not knowing whether he was still alive or not. Finally this morning he contacted me. I cannot describe the tears of joy this time that I shed. He wants to talk to me tomorrow night.

    As I said in my posting earlier today, I am planning on taking this very long journey with him, to offer him all the support I possibly can. I know it's going to be very hard but I'm already on this train and as far as I'm concerned there's no getting off for me.

    I will probably need your advice and help from time to time as these last two weeks have been so emotionally draining and extremely painful.

    By the way (sorry, this is turning out to be quite some novel) I have discovered something else and that is that most probably my mum too suffers from PTSD which suddenly explains so much and has made my life but childhood in particular hell. I'll save that story for another time, but I guess this is why the past two weeks have been even more so painful.

    This aside, any tips for tomorrow night?... I'm not intending on pushing any subject. If he wants to talk about it, fine and if he doesn't that's fine too. I know he feels bad for the last two weeks but I don't want him to feel guilty about, I've already told him not to worry about that..... I better stop now (I talk/write and think way too much :redface:). Thanks for listening.
     
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  3. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

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    Hi Babycakes

    The best thing you can do is listen to him & let him no that you are there if he needs you. Don't push him or he'll just clam up.
    Please make sure that you take care of yourself during this because as you've realised already that it's not a fun ride at times.
    Good luck & hope your chat goes well with your friend.
     
  4. Babycakes

    Babycakes New Member

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    Thanks Jods,

    Oh totally, I was afraid that he wouldn't surface before. I am certainly not intending to force anything - not that I did before but some things I said (only meaning well) and blissfully unaware of the deep rooted cause might have pushed him a little too soon.

    I shall let you know how I get on. I have a good feeling about it.

    Btw I wanted to say that YOU are ALL incredible. I have read your posts and am amazed at your strength.

    Bye for now.
     
  5. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

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    Babycakes

    You're friend is lucky to have you there to listen. That's a good start!

    Thanks for your positive words.:crazy-blu . I just want to do what I can to support the man I love.

    Be kind to yourself & hope the chat with your friend goes well.
     
  6. Babycakes

    Babycakes New Member

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    Question here now... I am a newbie at this after all... are lies part of it?... and do they get quite elaborate?

    Just wondering.... I'm guessing they must do... not that I think he's lying to be devious in any way.

    Naturally he did not mention anything at all about having told me everything (not that I expected that). He just came up with a pretty elaborate story for vanishing and that he lost his phone but he read my messages.... I just went along with it for now as I didn't want him to retreat like a sea anemone. I think it is all still quite precarious as such.

    I guess on the plus side he brought up the subject of me going to see him which I had suggested prior to his disclosure and then reassured him that I wouldn't come if he felt uncomfortable about that. He actually brought that up himself but wouldn't say one way or another but in the end admitted that he actually really does want me to go and visit him.

    In any case I think it did him good just talking and I think he understands that I will be there for him no matter what.

    Off to bed now. :)
     
  7. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

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    Hi Babycakes,

    You asked about lying. To be honest I can't answer that as I don't have PTSD & my hubby tends to tell me what he can, if he can.

    That's good that he is willing to see you & knows that you're there for support.

    Glad it went well!
     
  8. Babycakes

    Babycakes New Member

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    I was actually wrong about the lying... there was truth in what he was saying but his fear of me not believing him me led him to stage things a little so that in fact they became unbelievable.
    Things seem to be going very well... he is out of his black hole and is focussing on me going to visit him. Admittedly he hasn't spoken about the trauma or the rest since but he is being very open about his feelings and thoughts in general and said that he has never been that open to anyone which is something I have been fully aware of from the start.
    I am now certain that he will come round to the rest in his own time. As he had said before he wasn't ready then but he now has the assurance that I don't scare easily and that he can count on me which is after all what friendship is about. And it works for me as I have more time to find out more and read more to be a little better prepared next time :eek:)
    Better get back to work now.
     
  9. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

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    Great news Babycakes.
     
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