blueeyedgirl
Learning
Hi, after perusing this site for a couple days, I thought it may be helpful for me to post. I'm involved in a long distance relationship with a man with ptsd. We've known eachother for about 2 years now. Shortly after we first met, I moved over 1000 miles away - so most of our stormy off/on relationship has been long distance.
He's currently on inactive duty, awaiting full seperation from the Army next month, and working as a contractor on base. He's also served in Iraq twice. I'd speculated that he may have ptsd after some erratic behavior, and sure enough - last year he finally got diagnosed with it. The doc gave him anti anxiety meds, but months later, he was still having trouble coping. After having a major panic attack, he went to the VA and is currently on anti depressants. I believe its Celexa. He's been doing great for the past few months - until the last 2 weeks.
As I mentioned, we've had an extremely stormy relationship: we get close, he pulls away, or acts like a complete jerk. We started talking again right after Thanksgiving - he said that he was lucky to have had me and he wants another try; said that he's a happier, calmer person now, and wants to be happy with me. He flew me down there and we had an amazing time. He was kinder, and sweeter than ever. I was so proud that he was getting help and could see the difference. But, over the past couple weeks, he's gradually started pulling away again. Gone are the sweet texts during the day. Which has me wondering if he's just playing games. But, this behavior is also consistant with ptsd. Well, last week, he had another bad panic attack. Called the doc, and doc told him to up his meds. I don't know if it's helped because I'd not really spoken to him. He's not called or returned my texts. So, I thought maybe he just needs space. I'm all for that. I respect a person's need for space, because I often need it myself. But, I'm also unsure. Maybe he just doesn't want to be with me, and doesn't know how to tell me? I sent him a short, succinct email telling him that I felt something different between us, and I was unsure of whether he still wanted a relationship. Or that maybe he's just stressed, and that I'm here if he needs someone to listen.
It's been 2 days, and nothing. Which is out of character for someone who used to message me all day, everyday, and call at night. If he is just needing space, how long does this usually take? Is there anything I can say to make things more comfortable for him? It seems like whenever he opens up about it, I try to be the fixer person, offering advice, and it only annoys him. So, apparently, that's not the way to go about it. But, I love him so much it hurts. How do you deal with this??
He's currently on inactive duty, awaiting full seperation from the Army next month, and working as a contractor on base. He's also served in Iraq twice. I'd speculated that he may have ptsd after some erratic behavior, and sure enough - last year he finally got diagnosed with it. The doc gave him anti anxiety meds, but months later, he was still having trouble coping. After having a major panic attack, he went to the VA and is currently on anti depressants. I believe its Celexa. He's been doing great for the past few months - until the last 2 weeks.
As I mentioned, we've had an extremely stormy relationship: we get close, he pulls away, or acts like a complete jerk. We started talking again right after Thanksgiving - he said that he was lucky to have had me and he wants another try; said that he's a happier, calmer person now, and wants to be happy with me. He flew me down there and we had an amazing time. He was kinder, and sweeter than ever. I was so proud that he was getting help and could see the difference. But, over the past couple weeks, he's gradually started pulling away again. Gone are the sweet texts during the day. Which has me wondering if he's just playing games. But, this behavior is also consistant with ptsd. Well, last week, he had another bad panic attack. Called the doc, and doc told him to up his meds. I don't know if it's helped because I'd not really spoken to him. He's not called or returned my texts. So, I thought maybe he just needs space. I'm all for that. I respect a person's need for space, because I often need it myself. But, I'm also unsure. Maybe he just doesn't want to be with me, and doesn't know how to tell me? I sent him a short, succinct email telling him that I felt something different between us, and I was unsure of whether he still wanted a relationship. Or that maybe he's just stressed, and that I'm here if he needs someone to listen.
It's been 2 days, and nothing. Which is out of character for someone who used to message me all day, everyday, and call at night. If he is just needing space, how long does this usually take? Is there anything I can say to make things more comfortable for him? It seems like whenever he opens up about it, I try to be the fixer person, offering advice, and it only annoys him. So, apparently, that's not the way to go about it. But, I love him so much it hurts. How do you deal with this??