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Sufferer New Here

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Hello , I'm new here and figured I'd introduce myself. This is my 1st group/forum I've ever joined since being dx with C-PTSD in 2010. I've suffered with it for many years prior, but didn't know I had C-PTSD.

I'm 35 yrs old. I was 18 when I was raped (its how i lost my virginity) , and a few years after that I got into an abusive marriage where I was physically , emotionally, and mentally abused for years until I finally got out of the marriage.
I have a hard time meeting people , and not think that they have an alterior motive. I always think the worst case scenario from strangers when I see them, or get introduced to them.

I'm a silent sufferer when I experience my panick attacks I don't like people to know I'm in the midst of having one because I feel ashamed to be having a panick attack. (I have at least 2 a day or more it just depends on the day)
I'm an internal person that doesn't display anything on the outside during an attack because I don't want people to know, or think of me differently so I freak out on the inside & try my best to talk myself down out of it myself. I don't like talking while having an attack because in my mind I'm wasting the little bit of oxygen I have left on talking. My symptoms during my panick attacks are thinking I'm about to die any minute, feeling like I'm literally having a heart attack, tremors, sweating, throat gets tight, hard to catch my breath, and more that I just can't think of right now. I focus on a focal point, and I'm 24/7 listening to music with my ear buds in, it really does help me tremendously. I'm petrified of the idea of death, I get really worked up even just hearing about a person passing away it gets my mind racing. I don't act out physically, or display any types of anger to anyone. I've recently had more attacks for the last 6 months, my insomnia has gotten horrible I only average 3-4 hrs a night of sleep. I'm tired, but I just can't go to sleep.

I feel like anyone that suffers from any type of mental health is so judged by society, and they just don't ever truly understand unless they suffer from it themselves. I have a small circle of longtime friends that I adore, but none of them completely understand although they truly try, and respect me. I'm only comfortable talking to others who have ptsd like myself because they "get it" because they unfortunately know where I'm coming from.
I do therapy 1x a week , and take 2 meds (1 as needed only if I feel triggered and the other as a daily med to try to prevent) I work in the Healthcare field. Only a handful of people know I have ptsd I don't like anyone to know because I feel shamed the second they find out, or judged.

OK well enough of my rambling on thanks for allowing me to join & introduce myself.
 
Welcome, InkedScorpio!:hug:
Hugs, if ok. You have found an AWESOME forum!!! You will be treated with respect, compassion and understanding!:hug:

I have "inner" panic attacks as well! Only someone who knows me, and looks into my eyes, can tell what is happening. I do sweat like crazy, and it's hard to think through that!

It really helps to write things down, it seems to help reduce the inner pressure for me!

I have been with my therapist for probably 12 or more years. I have been through and have survived a LOT! I refuse to give up!

That's the BEST advice I can give you! Just don't quit working towards getting better!

I hope to see you around! It helps to surf the different areas, but don't read too many stories that might trigger you. Don't compare your trauma either. Pain is pain, and that's where we relate.

Blessings to you!
AKJ

(I am an "inked Scorpio" also. I got my first when I was 50, and am preparing for my 3rd. I am 59.:)
 
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What a gorgeous dog!

I'm glad you found us. Until I came here, I didn't know anyone else with PTSD. What a relief it is to talk to people who understand what you're saying!

I share your shame issue, as do the majority of sufferers. It's sad that the victims shoulder so much of the blame. It's great that you're in therapy. That's crucial to the healing process.

See you in chat, if you ever feel a need to talk! :)
 
Me too @Inkedscorpio29 ! :inlove: I grew up with collies but this is my 3rd shepherd, she's a rescue (as in rescued me-? lol :inlove: ), & may have some some Belgian-Malinois in her- I never knew until a breeder of such stopped me. But bigger ears. :)

Welcome to you. :) I do relate & experience much of the same as your post, you're not alone experiencing that, or responding to it that way. :hug:
 
Welcome Inkedscorpio.
I have found this a great place to find people who know what you're going through. I hope you find it that way too.
There is a recent thread where people discussed whether or not they tell people about their PTSD. It helped me to read it. You might like it too.
I think having pets is a fantastic help. I have a cat who cuddles me when I'm crying or who hangs out nearby when I need to hide in a dark, quiet place, or who changes my focus in the middle of the night when I'm struggling with obsessive thoughts. Pets are great unconditional helpers!
 
Me too @Inkedscorpio29 ! :inlove: I grew up with collies but this is my 3rd shepherd,...
All of my furkids I've ever had the pleasure of spending my life with have been rescues except my youngest boy :) I think furkids really rescue us whether they're adopted or not :) I've always loved most animals , but dogs even more so since I was a child. To say I'm a dog fanatic is more of an understatement! :) My youngest wasn't "adopted" per se , but kind of ....he is pure from a breeder that also breeds for their local law enforcement as well as personal family dogs, and my boy was originally bought by a young couple. They realized a gsd wasn't the right breed fit for their family, and asked the breeder to help them find my boy a forever home. I was on the puppy wait list for an impending liter due , and the breeder called me letting me know the situation, and offered me my boy to "buy" at a fraction of what I was about to pay for a puppy from the liter due next. My boy was just shy of being 5 months when I got him which was the day after I got the call, and he'll be 4 in a couple months! He's my pure affectionate, loyal, and most awesome love bug furson! Dogs make my soul just "feel happier" :)
 
Welcome Inkedscorpio.
I have found this a great place to find people who know what you're going throu...


Thanks for the warm welcome I truly appreciate it. I'll definitely check out the post you spoke of it may help me get more insight! I agree about animals that they just have a way of calming us , and really help us even more so in more of our desperate times when we just need a peaceful compassionate comforting feeling of someone being close by us. My furkids are always to my hip, and sleep in bed with me every night! :)
 
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