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New In Need Of Help - Physically Abused by Mother

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by blue, Jul 7, 2007.

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  1. blue

    blue New Member

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    Heya everyone my names amanda and im 20 years of age.
    i have for mny years been diagonised with PTSD. I have been sucidal for about 10 years now, About a year ago i stopped cutting myself and not feeling like cutting my wrists or actually killing myself. I still have the problem with depresion and isolating myself. I had to stop seing my old councellor as it was to far, My mum and me didnt get along anymore all she wanted ws money from me so she could blow it on the pokies, when i told her no she disowned me and chucked my stuff out. I grew up with my mum who was an alcholic and use to abuse me at home, not sexually but physically. so it was too far to see that councellor so she move me onto this other councellor who deals with people that have been sexually abused in life. I have been sexually assualted 5 times in my life and find that i am easy to set off sometimes for a panick attack. the councellor stopped seing me at that place which was next to the hospital. She rekons that she couldnt councell me and yet i met some of the other gals and it seemed ike they where getting what i needed. i asked her if i could see another councellor and she still declined it. she told me to look around for a councellor. Since then i have felt like i am unworthy of anything. No one can help me and im alone. I have been on anti depressents which helped a lot considering it was the 4th time ive tried them. i went off them not long ago as i had a pregnecy scare. i dont want to take drugs while im pregnet, as my mother didnt want me and use to punch her stomache with me in it and use to drink heavy. anyways im not pregenet and decided not to go bak on as i cant take nausea tablets and at first i get nauseated. I am in fear of having a break down and know i am having hypervigilance at the moment. i dont know what to do. im trying not to cut my wrists at te momnet. i feel like nothing and im isolating myslef and gone bak to my old routine of not eating anything. i feel i am fat and unattractive
    i could go on but too much
    amanda
     
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Hi Blue,

    I'm new to the site too......But welcome. I have had PTSD for years. I too am suicidal. Not now.......... but have tried 8 times. The depression part of PTSD is the worst for me. Yes I know how you feel. Been there done that.

    There are some things that I can tell you but you need to really think about them....
    1) You are a survivor......
    2) You are worthy as a person, and a human being...
    3) What happened to you was wrong, but you can overcome it.

    Your here, and looking for help so you are still fighting for you.... That's good....Don't give up on you ok??????

    Hugs,

    She Cat
     
  4. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Hi Amanda, welcome to the forum. Firstly, I understand some of your pain, yes; even as a male, and I understand what you feel in relation to PTSD, though I do not know what it feels like to be physically abused by a parent or raped. What you must understand and come to terms with, regardless what some counsellor has said to you, is that you must take control of yourself, you must want to help yourself first and foremost. If you don't, then there is nothing another can do for you until your ready to help yourself, regardless how much you want to cut your wrists. Suicidal ideation is part and parcel of PTSD, and not an excuse for sympathy with PTSD.

    You must want to help yourself. You must want to work through your trauma. You must be open and honest with yourself about your own thoughts and actions. Nobody has a magic cure for PTSD Amanda, and only you can take control of yourself.

    We can support you, we can help you, and there are plenty of people here for you to discuss your issues. Welcome aboard....
     
  5. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Welcome to the forum and great work on stopping the cutting! I cannot add to what Anthony typed already as he sums it up quite well, most people here know how you feel and can help guide you once you start posting more. This is a good place to be. If you are ready to fight for your life this is the best forum you could hope for with a lot of support.
     
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