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New member needing help and advice

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Jenny12

Hi everyone,

I am currently learning about PTSD in order to help my boyfriend who was diagnosed with it a few years back.
Recently he has been cold and distant and it is harder that I am not able to be with him as it is a long distance relationship. We have been together for over 2 years and now I am finding it hard to help him.
Is there anyone who has been through this or have any advice on what I can do please?
 
This whole section is for supporters whose loved ones have PTSD. Welcome and have a look around.
 
Read around the forum. Lots to learn here.

Welcome!
 
Can you be a little more specific as to him being "cold and distant"? In what situations and how does it manifest? Is he currently going through an episode, i.e. is he heavily triggered and dealing with symptoms?
 
Can you be a little more specific as to him being "cold and distant"? In what situations and how does it manifest? Is he c...
Hi
He shuts me out by not replying to my messages, I try and give him space but I am unsure if that is the right thing to do. This happens on and off and he thinks that he doesn't deserve me. When he has nothing to do he starts to feel really down, and it's hard for him to get up out of bed and eat..
 
As a general rule, I think giving space is always the right thing to do. Not just for him, as he may need some time to collect himself, but for you as well. That said, as a supporter you're not in the position to help him. You may be able to make the situation worse (not giving him space) or better (giving him space,) but only he himself and a trained mental health professionals can really "help" him.

So the only thing worth focusing on is how to help yourself. What you can do is communicate to him that him dropping off the face of the planet hurts you, even tough you may understand why he does it. You can also tell him that, as much as you want to be there for him, you can't help him, and explain to him that he may benefit from talking to a professional. If he refuses, that is not your cue to try and become his therapist, it's your cue to ask yourself if you can be in a relationship with someone with an unmanaged mental illness. This forum is full of supporters who struggle with this. You're not alone. It's all about boundaries.
 
Second on space. The guy I was dating needed space, even when he couldn't articulate it. And think about space as protecting yourself just as much as you're protecting him -- if he's escalating or triggered, he might lash out at you. Better to try and give some breathing room before it gets to that place.
 
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