• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

New Perspective

Status
Not open for further replies.

Senecia

Confident
Last time I was in therapy, my therapist talked me through how it's normal and acceptable to feel multiple things toward a person. I struggle greatly with deciding my attitudes toward and perceptions of others. I want to decide if I like or dislike someone, to have it be solid, known, but with some people I flip flop. Like my abusers. Such as, I can hate a part of a person for what they do, but that is not entirely who they are. My mother is, deep down, a very caring person. It's just a fact about her, but it manifests in different ways. She'll be very controlling, angry and hurtful because she wants to make sure I do a, b, c. In her eyes, I will be well off if I follow every thing she says. I hate that part about her, and I hate how nasty she gets. Well, honestly I hate a lot of her. At the same time, I love her and it's conflicting. I want to decide on one feeling but the world isn't binary.

My therapist is teaching me that that's okay. Does anyone else struggle with this? I'm not sure if I conveyed what I was trying to say correctly. If it doesn't make sense, I'll try to clarify.
 
Does anyone else struggle with this?
Yes, I do and my mother has passed away. Everything you are saying makes perfect sense.

Your therapist is right in saying this is okay. Everything you are feeling is just your brain trying to work it out, process it. Now it's your time to go through this process and trust it. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes, regardless of seeking approval of others. Seeking approval of others will only hinder your recovery.

But yes, I am in the process of working through these very same feelings and it is difficult, conflicting and very confusing. What I am doing is sticking with trusted people I can talk to for support and staying away from people that put conditions upon me. If this is your mother, of course I wouldn't advise break off all contact with her (I couldn't do that when my mum was alive) but set clear boundaries. As soon as she becomes nasty, pushy, controlling, either leave the situation, change the subject, make both of you a coffee/tea to distract, walk away if you can, avoid these triggers if you can. It wont be easy, but the more you do it for you, the more clear insight you will find that is rather valuable for you. I am in the process of doing this for myself. But yeah, it is a struggle, it is hard and I really do understand what you are going through. I do wish you the best :hug:
 
i struggled a lot with contradictory feelings toward my abusers. i eventually realized that i just tend not to make whole-value judgments on people. it's not right or wrong, it just is. it's how i process the world. things exist, people exist, people act and react. people are multi-dimensional. we're smart enough to be. it's ok to respect that.
 
I struggle with the same. My abuser was the female supplier of my genetic material. I see her as wholly and completely evil. Not knowing how to decide who you can trust is really difficult and it stinks. Learning to find the grey areas is a process. Therapy has helped me gain more insight with regard to this issue. I can really sympathize with you though.
 
Yes it's very normal. Though I think certain acts are really quite incomprehensible & reprehensible.

My biggest problem is when I doubt trust (founded or suspected as likely) or trust is broken I am tempted to extrapolate it to everything the person has ever said or done, or will say or do.
 
Thank you all. It's good to read that others go through it too. It's most definitely a process.. Luckily we can all help each other out.
people are multi-dimensional.
I needed to see that. It's easy to get lost in black/white thinking, and that's a good reminder. People are complex, that's just life.
@Saint Nik It's greatly helped just growing distance between us. Though she's changed much in her own ways, being farther away from each other, physically and emotionally, has lowered some tension and the stress cup isn't tipping over as often. I'm glad you can work on it too.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top