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New Trigger - A Crush Sends Emotions Wild

Discussion in 'General' started by aowyn, Jan 18, 2007.

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  1. aowyn

    aowyn Member

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    Ohhhhhhh...WOW. Strong emotions? Even good ones? Man!

    How about new relationships or potential ones? Even just a little CRUSH! Sheesh...it's so overwhelming! My heart races and I breathe so fast I feel like I CAN'T breathe...and we're only friends!

    I HATE this. I can't even enjoy a little crush! :wall:
     
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  3. aowyn

    aowyn Member

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    Ok, Anthony...did you add the drama to my post title??? ROFL!!!

    It took about a week for the panic to stop...not as much heart pounding, not feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate as much. Although, I still find myself breathing fast. He takes my breath away I guess! :redface:

    The emotions are not quite as intense...still there, just not overwhelming anymore anyway.

    I was totally flooded...guess we'll have to wait and see what's left after all the water drains out of the tub. (gurgle, gurgle)
     
  4. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Hi Aowyn.

    Have you had abuse in relationships before? Just wondering if this is a mix between anxiety attacks plus all the new feelings of liking someone.. I'm glad it's calming down for you some.. maybe you can enjoy the range of feelings now eh? ;)

    bec
     
  5. aowyn

    aowyn Member

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    Yes, Bec. 15 years of control, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, which was rapidly progressing toward physical abuse.

    I lived in an emotional void. I was totally shut down to protect myself, and since getting out, things have been thawing out. It kind of comes in waves and floods.
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Yes, I am the one that edits thread titles generally.
     
  7. aowyn

    aowyn Member

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    You know it's almost like exposure therapy, the more we're around eachother, the less triggered I am and actually I've noticed a calming effect now.

    Isn't that weird? A nice weird though. :)
     
  8. aowyn

    aowyn Member

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    I should add....not too long ago, after you all suggested that ALL trauma builds on itself, I realized that something else was indeed probably contributing to the ptsd.

    Ok, this is hard. phhhhfffffeeeeewwww. This may be triggering for others, so be warned.

    When I was 15 I was working at a church camp during summers. I had a lot of great friends there and loved it. That year, the owner's sons invited one of their friends to come down. As everybody was standing around talking, he mentioned he had forgotten to bring a pillow. I offered to loan him one of mine, since I had extras.

    The staff housing had two levels, bottom level boys, top level girls. We were restricted to our own areas of course. But, he came to my room to return the pillow. I thought, ok, he's new, doesn't know the rules, he'll return the pillow and leave. He didn't.

    Ok, I have to stop there for now.
     
  9. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

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    It isn't wierd hon, it's you learning to trust him:claps:

    I've just gone through the same stuff with my sweety. Am still going through it.

    My anxiety has been a little all over the place and the smallest things have been triggering me but it is worth it :crazy-blu
     
  10. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

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    hugs tightly cos I can. GO at your own pace hon. It's important not to force yourself.
     
  11. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Aowyn, this is exactly what its all about. I am glad your starting to see the real effects of all your lifes trauma, how it does build onto one another, thus it is affecting your PTSD now. This is why once PTSD is present, every single stone must be turned in our pasts to ensure nothing lay that is feeding us negative emotions at the subconscious level. We must bring it all to the conscious level and deal with it, otherwise we just remain ill, often knowing what is making us ill, just fear stopping us dealing with it, the exact thing that is making us sick in the first place. Ironic isn't it?
     
  12. aowyn

    aowyn Member

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    So what happens after you've turned every stone?
     
  13. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    You begin to feel a hell of a lot better.... just ask veiled, she has nearly finished turning them all over, and now seeing what life looks like again, and can see a bright and properous future for herself and her family opposed to just sadness, illness, depression and anxiety.
     
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