Hi everyone. Not 100% sure where to start so I'm just going to jump in. I grew up with a psychopath for a mother. I always knew on a gut level there was something about her that I didn't like, I just didn't know what it was. I survived 17 years with her until my parents divorced and I went to live with my dad. I went through several years of therapy with different therapists. I was doing a lot better, emotionally, until I got really sick. I'd finally gotten to a place where I actually liked myself, felt freed from the past and wanted to explore life.
Then I went through a decade of medical hell, floating from one doctor to the next. Getting sicker and sicker, but being told I was either crazy, faking it or getting misdiagnosed. I finally got diagnosed with severe neuro Lyme, bartonella and babesia. And I got to experience a new form of trauma...where the infections hijacked my brain and nervous system to the point where I wasn't in any control of my thoughts and emotions. Its been 2.5 years, and I'm doing better now. When I was a kid, at least I could trust myself. But now I don't even have that anymore. Its very disheartening...all the work I went through before has been undone, and I'm in a worse place now with my trust issues than I was before.
I also recovered a very troubling memory of something my mother did to me. Since I knew she was 'bad', I never really had much connection to her. And being who she was, she thought the solution was to subject me to attachment therapy...the bad, basically torture kind. Now that I remember this, I don't feel at all comfortable seeing a therapist. Even thinking about a therapist's office is stressful. I know if I don't feel safe, there's no point in pursuing it.
Are there any ways to heal from trauma without a therapist? Its more the being in an office that's an issue...though even the idea of a therapist is a bit of a stressor too.
I'm also semi-clueless when it comes to human interactions. Which comes from shutting myself away in my own world of school and books. Any ideas on how to deal with this?
Out of curiosity, why is there a tag for 'sufferer' not 'survivor'? I've always thought of myself as someone who's survived abuse not as someone who suffers from PTSD.
Then I went through a decade of medical hell, floating from one doctor to the next. Getting sicker and sicker, but being told I was either crazy, faking it or getting misdiagnosed. I finally got diagnosed with severe neuro Lyme, bartonella and babesia. And I got to experience a new form of trauma...where the infections hijacked my brain and nervous system to the point where I wasn't in any control of my thoughts and emotions. Its been 2.5 years, and I'm doing better now. When I was a kid, at least I could trust myself. But now I don't even have that anymore. Its very disheartening...all the work I went through before has been undone, and I'm in a worse place now with my trust issues than I was before.
I also recovered a very troubling memory of something my mother did to me. Since I knew she was 'bad', I never really had much connection to her. And being who she was, she thought the solution was to subject me to attachment therapy...the bad, basically torture kind. Now that I remember this, I don't feel at all comfortable seeing a therapist. Even thinking about a therapist's office is stressful. I know if I don't feel safe, there's no point in pursuing it.
Are there any ways to heal from trauma without a therapist? Its more the being in an office that's an issue...though even the idea of a therapist is a bit of a stressor too.
I'm also semi-clueless when it comes to human interactions. Which comes from shutting myself away in my own world of school and books. Any ideas on how to deal with this?
Out of curiosity, why is there a tag for 'sufferer' not 'survivor'? I've always thought of myself as someone who's survived abuse not as someone who suffers from PTSD.
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