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Newbie - Long Time Carer Of PTSD Spouse

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by chsy, Dec 16, 2006.

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  1. chsy

    chsy New Member

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    Hi I'm new here. Been living as a carer for 10 years with partner. During 9 years of that time she was heavily tranquilized and durng the past year (off the medication) she was suffering what I now know to be PSTD. Her emotional state and mental capacity was "different" to say the least. Not understanding what was going on I tried very hard to help but didn't have the tools. We are now seperated and she believes that I am abusive. Feel confused, guilty and after reading some articles, posts, etc realizing that some of what she dished out was emotionally/mentally abusive to myself. Still care abouther deeply, but being the "enemy" I don't know what to do other than let go of the situation and move on. Really difficult postion at the moment. As she is telling me that she is interested in another yet calls (I've been asked not to contact her) me and it throws me because I can hear her desperation and fear.
     
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  3. hannah

    hannah Active Member

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    hello chsy- sorrry to hear you are suffering too. found this site after we separated - wished Id had the foresight to find this earlier. has yoor partner been diagnosed officially? take care and try to get some rest yourself. wishing you well
     
  4. tig

    tig Active Member

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    Welcome!

    Chsy, You're not alone here, not by a long shot. You'll find many compassionate people here that have been thru a wide range of experiences. I would recommend you keep reading & posting here so as to help heal yourself, no matter what the future brings. You may find the thread about "Secondary PTSD" very informative and quite helpful.
    You're among friends here, and we care! :hello:
     
  5. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

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    Hi Chsy,
    Welcome to the forum. Tough situation you are in.... She is not in the right state of mind at the moment...and you are confused as well...
    I dont undertsand what you mean by this? what does she see as "abusive"... what are you doing?? How are you being abusive if you are seperated??

    Right now, you need to take care of you...If you guys are seperated then its for a reason...she needs the time to resolve whatever she has going on, and i believe you need the time to at least start healing for everything you have gone through. You have put alot into this relationship (10years!!) and now it seems its going down the drain.... I know how hard it can be to let go after so long...but it does not have to be forever....Give it time..doesnt mean its over and she has moved on.... she just might be at her worst right now and unfortunatly people do stupid things or just things they think they need at the moment and nothing more... alot of mixed feelings and confusion here. Make sure though that you do whatever it is you need to do to be healthy and ok.
    We are here for you.
     
  6. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Welcome..

    I was hmmming over the "she thinks I'm abusive" part. Did she previously experience abuse? Was it a contributing factor in her PTSD? It could be that you are triggering flashbacks or have some of the same mannerisms and that is where the "abuse" comes in. Course, there are many possibilites but that one just popped in my head.

    Bec
     
  7. chsy

    chsy New Member

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    Hey ... thanks for the response.

    The thing is I don't know what has been going on. She had been abused since she was a young girl. She has "officially" been diagnosed with PTSD and from what I've read she probably has had this for quite a long time before the diagnosis. It was when she came out of the "coma" (off the medication) that the s#!? hit the fan. She didn't "know" who I was, she might have well have been living with a stranger. From there all these accusations about me being abusive emerged. She had me convinced for a while that I was and I started to have panic attacks. I'm seeing a counsellor and have come to an understanding that whilst I have been an insensitive prick at times, at no point have I been abusive to her. This is all very new to me but I am feeling better having been in touch with some old friends. (We had isolated ourselves from social interaction for those 10 years) Whilst I theorectically understand that what she is doing is part of her PTSD, the emotional pain involved ... wow as if a break up isn't hard enough.
     
  8. hannah

    hannah Active Member

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    hi chsy - self doubt, confusion, anger and frustration what a mixture ....been there done that.

    I am also feeling the pain of separation, but it was imperative in our situation our health has suffered. Although I worry about my hubby he does seem to be making progress in himself - just by him having "solitude" he has started to connect to his blood family so seeing him happy for himself is my goal. Ultimate aim is for there to be a happy us but that is in gods hands. take care and enjoy your friends find you again it can only help. good luck
     
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