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Nightmares are Coming Back/Can't Cope with Weather

Discussion in 'Sleep & Nightmares' started by permban0077, May 16, 2007.

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  1. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Just venting or a rant... Insomnia trying to kick back in and it is driving me nuts as is not the inability to sleep but the fear to. I had a dream I believe yesterday (could have been day before but I do not think so) of tornadoes. They missed but I could see so much of the sky and it was so scary seeing such details. My peripheral vision was too wide, I am sure it was the tornado nearby that messed me up. But today it took the cake!

    Today I fell asleep meditating doing a self affirmation thing. My nightmares have been during the day during naps with the little one when she does. I cannot believe I had one for so long!! I could hear a person in the dream saying I had control of the panic attacks and yada yada... It was the shit on my guided visual I was listening to when I fell asleep. It was just a woman was talking to me in the dream though the CD is a guy (hubs got me a new CD player for those who know mine was broken).

    But then suddenly I was trapped in a home on the water during a hurricane and I desperately tried to get people to leave as I tried to find a certain blanket to take. I finally got them to leave with me and someone else was driving. The house was washed away behind me. I am no longer on the coast so do not get it but maybe since it was a real threat for so long for me it is the norm it came out that way.

    Then bam the road I was on was the suspension bridge I used to travel on, it started rocking and collapsing and it gave way, I could feel the fall and did not wake. I was scared shitless waiting for death as I have an intense fear of drowning. I could see rocks chipping off the bridge. Again so much damn detail. But shockingly it was a fairly soft landing in the water and from the car I was able to grab marsh. I was awaiting the crash. First time I have never awoken from a fall in a dream but landed instead. Th soft fall felt like death and I was relieved and welcomed it until I realized I was not.

    Then I was in an area where some were tourist and others were refugees from the storm. Someone grabbed me from behind but I was able to fight back and won. I was so skilled for some reason and knew all my self defense and exercised it perfectly.

    Then during that my purse was stolen and when I saw who it was I was accused of being someone else. I was suddenly being shot at from every direction but grabbed a person close to me to shield them from the bullets afraid for them. I woke then as I was shot up and felt myself dying but the person I was shielding still caught most of them. I woke with my whole side hurting for half an hour from where they landed in the dream.

    That was at least 12 hours ago and I still have an anxiety attack not leaving, the butterfly of a heart and so scared.

    New change the nightmares I am able to act and just be scared until the end of this one. But damn I forgot how vivid the nightmares are and why I used to be up days at a time. I am just afraid of what sleep will bring me, what new horror.

    I woke up clinging to my husband this morning and just making noises until I came fully awake to realize we had a bad storm moving through. No nightmare I recalled but just woke a mess. The thunder is so loud here and so scary as it just won't do a boom and be done, it just goes on.

    The wind was blowing so hard through my nap, I was on pins and needles all day as the tress at roof top levels were bending so much I was waiting for a snap. My husband tried so hard to calm me and stroke my head this AM, he treated me just like you would a child trying to calm them from a bad dream reassuring and so carefully and lovingly but he still had to go to work. I was a wreck. So I spent a lot of today in meditating and let the boob box mother with Dora the Explorer and Sponge Bob. Won't win mom of the year today.

    I hate June is coming, I hate these storms. I do not want to go through anniversary shit again. It sucks so much. I am so scared again and just want to be better. I know no time line and work through it. Therapy tomorrow but I feel so helpless and afraid again. I know once I pass through June I will start to get better just I am trying to figure out how to not be a mess during it.

    I am debating to see if during the forecasted storms we can stay at the inlaws' until tornado season passes since the city shelter/basement is across the road from them. And FIL will likely be the one opening it up. I really need a security blanket right now as being in the heart of tornado alley is really fcking me up.

    Said it was a rant...
     
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  3. hodge

    hodge I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Hello veiled, I'm so sorry you're dealing with more storms and nightmares, not to mention your anniversary troubles. I hope you can work through some of this in your therapy tomorrow (or today). I've been watching that wicked weather move through your area. Yuck, yuck!. Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

    I thought you mentioned an interesting thing in your dream - where you seemed to have some control about protecting yourself in the storm. I took this as a really positive sign that you are better able to protect yourself period. I hope you can take some comfort in that, in general and against the storm you are dealing with tonight.

    I say, go for whatever it takes to get yourself out of tornado alley during this season. Also, I hope you can sort everything else out with your therapist and come to a good plan to help get yourself through this season. I'm so sorry that summer is so hard for you; for me, it is my salvation season. I really hope you get the help you need to get through this and find a new appreciation for the relative ease and comfort the warm season brings us.

    Take good care and please keep us posted on how you're doing.
     
  4. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    veiled, glad you ranted. Your nightmares sound exhausting and very frightening. I haven't been able to sleep tonight likely due to all the articles I've recently read about military men and women coming back from iraq in terrible psych. conditions and committing crimes and such. Also, I watched National Geogr. 'Hurricane Katrina' today and throughout I could hear myself thinking, oh' I can handle watching this, I'll be alright. No, I most definately wasn't, oh what an error in judgement that was. Felt feelings of nagging guilt, powerlessness and impotence throughout my day following. Me feeling this way is not suppose to make sense to anyone, but I understand why perhaps I do and it's just the way I think sometimes.

    Your husband is awesome, veiled. You know it! I do hope the anxiety attack soon passes for you, you will get through it. I hope you know it! Ya' and I think I'd do the same and stay at inlaws if possible, when possible. It could make for a very nice time/visit and it makes a whole heck of a lot of sense to me. I think I read somewhere, that your m-i-l is really sweet. I hope I did. did I?

    And, I've done the same at times with my children and the tv, always makes me feel crummy, it always has. It hasn't happened to terribly often and if I could've found a way around it I would've. And as far June's anniversary coming up, surrender and just know that whatever it may bring, you'll get through it with our support and your other supports. We have faith in you veiled, want the best for you and I personally don't want the anticipated anxiety of upcoming June to rob you this May. Hang in there veiled.

    Always wishing you well.

    Hope
     
  5. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Well, I cannot get out of tornado alley but the FIL is principal at the highschool my son is attending about 15 miles away from here so the city shelter is right there. My MIL has talked with me so much and has been so supportive I may speak with her about it as she gets off from school early enough she takes me to the therapist appointments then hubs picks me up and then she talks with me alone when my hubs and I pick up our teen and toddler. She just grabs and hugs me and holds on. I feel like she is my my mom, or what a mom is like as mine sucked. I would be an entirely different woman if I had that for a mom but know why I have the husband I do.

    She makes me feel safe and secure, know where hubs gets it. That may actually be part of it if I pull it apart. She has worked with special needs kids for so long as a passion she knows how to connect with people not in the same world as others and retires in less than 2 weeks. Hell, I might be her new cause for the sake of her son and grandkids.

    Thanks, I noticed the ability to take more control too where before I was lost in the dreams. I am trying hard to take it as a good sign. It is they are just so intense, but I do not have to tell people here that. I was just so happy I had gone for some time without them I lost appreciation of how horrible they are and how vivid. I will remember to try to be more sensitive.

    I just have to try to find the nerve to sleep again. I am in South Central KS next to Oklahoma so no storms right now, but I have not looked at the weather. I did see though our wind is higher than the windy city. Go figure I did not know that until I got here. Damn discovery channel...

    The only other place I could bail is back in my trigger area I moved from and still tornado alley. Just not as active, but barely less. Hell, is there a place in the midwest that is not storm central? I just need to calm. Need a calm place.

    Thanks hodge, the support helps more than you know as right now I feel like I am again at the beginning and relearning all over. Restarts suck.
     
  6. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Hope, thank you so much... Yes, my married family is pretty awesome. I think they will accommodate. My FIL is having a baseball or softball game with the town highschool that was just leveled and presenting a check. Can you believe the kids are still doing that? Strength. That is some major strength those kids are still doing their highschool games.

    Katrina was the major reason I left when Rita hit right after. Just Rita did not grab headlines except for it was heading for Houston and the evacuation was a mess as everyone left at the last minute. Things I never get. You get a weeks notice it is coming your way and make plans (except those unable). I saw it all and had many friends do clean up for both storms. It fortunately does not mess me up (maybe a little from the nightmare). Bad part here you just have minutes... Guess why uneasy.

    Again thank you so much.
     
  7. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    veiled, it still surprises me when I post and surprise I see mine isn't the last, and someone else has posted. In this case you did. As was right, I did read what I thought I read about your m-i-l.

    I just want to add that though you feel like you're at the beginning and relearning all over. IMHO, you're not in fact there. You've been progressively Healing. We return to trudge along at times, sometimes, but we do continue to heal, and hell who wouldn't be filled with some anxiety in tornado alley.

    My 7yr. old son is always asking me about the weather patterns and the risk and possibilities of tornado's and other natural stuff in different states across the country then ours. For crying out loud he even wants to know what states the venomous snakes and spiders live in, where about and then states, well I won't be living there when I grow up.

    Hope
     
  8. hodge

    hodge I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    I feel the same way about my MIL. Even though she is now 85 and forgets a lot of things, I still feel a hell of a lot safer with her than I do with my own mother, for a lot of good reasons.

    This thing we are all dealing with seems to me to be so often two steps forward and one step back. So please don't beat yourself up on that account.

    And, yeah, then there are always these nasty storms and nightmares and such we have to deal with. We live in the Plains, which I've read is the most tornado-prone place on earth. So, there we go. I pray you find your nerve and I find mine. And I know what you mean about feeling like you're starting all over again. I get that feeling more than I'd wish. It really sucks. Just try to hang in there, be prepared when the shit hits the fan, and get you and yours out across the street when you have to. Sigh... I'll be so glad when tornado season is over. Let us know how you're doing, okay?
     
  9. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Hope, that actually makes me smile. My younger son who is now 9 and just moved in with his dad watched the weather channel more than disney. I see my 3 year old being the same way and I fight because I cannot watch it.

    They are a bit edgy but damn they are smartest out of their peers. Hope enough positive outlooks influence them enough to not be too messed up.

    My little one saw a snake when outback with her dad but was able to calm as I told her we do not have the same snakes here. Damn near every snake back home was a pit viper, a lot more grass snakes here. We played with it but told her not to play with them as well they still have pits here.

    Sorry I am rambling, just one of those nights, and again thanks for the support. I hope all I have learned keeps my head somewhat above water during this.
     
  10. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    You please stay safe too. We can wait it out together. May and June are the worst and July wanes off... By August we should be all clear, right? Just another couple months. We can do it.
     
  11. hodge

    hodge I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Yup, we'll see this season through okay together. In the meantime, we can appreciate what else is happening in the natural world -- flowers flowering, trees thriving, vegetables and fruits growing, the sun shining when it does, and us getting out there and paying attention to what we're growing, which, as simple and mindless as it seems, does us a lot of good (and I think it does the plants a lot of good, too).

    Hang in there and continue to keep in touch, hodge
     
  12. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    i am sorry, veiled, that you are going through so much torment right now. praying for you, for peace and calm.
    cathy
     
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