cherryblossom
MyPTSD Pro
I just feel totally exhausted.
Yesterday I worked for 13 hours, I was so tired. I was in bed at 10 and fell asleep. By 12.30 am I was wide awake after a nightmare. Only this was different. Usually I have nightmares about the stuff I know happened. But this was stuff I didn't know about. Is this "new" memories, or my brain playing tricks on me? So then I didn't want to sleep. I don't want to sleep. I might remember more stuff, and the parts I know are bad enough for me to deal with.
Now I'm really confused. I worked another 13 hours today. And that's not good on no sleep. It felt like the longest day ever.
And now I'm so tired - but terrified of sleep.
I often have nightmares and flashbacks about when I was raped. I hate them so much and they don't seem to get any easier to deal with after all this time. I thought I had pieced together exactly what happened that night, despite spending most of the last 14 years trying to forget. But last night it was different (other things he made me do........ - that's the only way I can describe it at the moment). I feel awful just thinking about it.....
I don't know whether these are real memories or what they are. But I don't want them. I don't want to know any more. I can't deal with what I do know.
Can anyone relate to this. Have I lost the plot, or opened a can of worms??
Yesterday I worked for 13 hours, I was so tired. I was in bed at 10 and fell asleep. By 12.30 am I was wide awake after a nightmare. Only this was different. Usually I have nightmares about the stuff I know happened. But this was stuff I didn't know about. Is this "new" memories, or my brain playing tricks on me? So then I didn't want to sleep. I don't want to sleep. I might remember more stuff, and the parts I know are bad enough for me to deal with.
Now I'm really confused. I worked another 13 hours today. And that's not good on no sleep. It felt like the longest day ever.
And now I'm so tired - but terrified of sleep.
I often have nightmares and flashbacks about when I was raped. I hate them so much and they don't seem to get any easier to deal with after all this time. I thought I had pieced together exactly what happened that night, despite spending most of the last 14 years trying to forget. But last night it was different (other things he made me do........ - that's the only way I can describe it at the moment). I feel awful just thinking about it.....
I don't know whether these are real memories or what they are. But I don't want them. I don't want to know any more. I can't deal with what I do know.
Can anyone relate to this. Have I lost the plot, or opened a can of worms??