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Non Romantic Relationships

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OKRADLAK

MyPTSD Pro
I have trouble with people I see every day.

I am especially troubled by how I recently acted with a supervisor.

I got so clingy and emailed him almost 75 times since Sept.

Ofcourse, at first he was liking it. Like a rush, I guess, and he really lavished it on me.

Then, after I told him I had problems, that was it.

He basically told me to quit. I do not blame him.

I am so embarassed and mortified. I mean, yes, he fed right into it, too, but I am so shamed.

I was so happy that someone was saying I was a good person, doing a good job, etc. It was like mania and then it was also so like Borderline.

Does anyone else get clingy like a child? I look like one, in a way, too. I do not look my age and he was very curious, asking questions, not appropriate and it was all a mess.

Now I am so ashamed to see him. I am staying till Christmas and then swtiching buildings to where I will only see him on occasion. I have to suck this one up and live with the embarassment because I cannot just quit. Though I want to sooooo much.

So I am wondering if anyone else gets really so sickeningly clingy like an adolescent? I truly feel this PTSD has made me reverse age, like a developmental disorder,like I am a little child. GRRRR! I do not even know HOW to act like an "adult" anymore.
 
Hey there, sorry your experiencing this.
It could be just a safety thing. Every human loves affermations and praise. It feels good to be praised.

I tend to latch onto people who make me feel safe. One of my teachers at my old school is a policeman. (I used to hate policemen before I met him.) I email him every once and a while. In fact, I had separation anxiety because I grauduated.... PTSD makes us latch on to people, and we may not know exatally why.

I often felt crazy, like I was falling in love with him or something.....But now I just realize that I have respect for him. That's all.

It does make me feel wierd, sometimes. You just have to monitor how much you tell people about yourself because they will turn it against you. Boundaries are the key here, I think.

-PerfectlyFlawed
 
Hi PF: Yeah, it did feel like that but it was not romantic.

Why do they turn it against us? You said that if we tell too much they can turn it against us and you are RIGHT but why? I would never do that to someone.

This has happened and it hurts so much. Is itbecause they are nervous? Scared? Confused? Emotionally unable to know what to do?

This sup. has actually been publically rude to me where he was once a very dear support. I only have to see him 8 more times before I move to the other building. Then I wll only have to see him once in a while. Eight more times.........god, I am not sure how to get through this..........
 
I actually do have some clingy moments... sometimes underneath it is being physically unwell and emotionally exhausted. Other times I feel almost frantic and feel like I'm fighting to stay in the lifeboat... mentally it's as if I feel I am incapable of the effort needed and want to lean on someone else til I can get my footing again. I've brought it into more balance, but the propensity is still there when I am struggling. It creates a conflict for me because alternatively, I am basically distrustful of others and skeptical of their intent, what their motivations are when I get this way. Like I'm looking to determine what their pay off is.
 
To answer you question as to why people turn our information against us:

1) Many people do not know about PTSD. Many only know that combat vets get it.

2) If you tell someone we have PTSD, they wonder how we go it. But on the other hand, they do not want to hear about traumatic events. Most live in a bubble. Bad things never happen to them, Only bad things happen on the news. They are naive, really thinking "That will NEVER happen to me." Or they blame the victim.

3) Sometimes, they will watch our behaviors (nervousness, panic attacks, worry, being tense, sweating, lack of trust, etc...) And they will assume there is something 'crazy or werid' about our behaviors. Because they may not know us well enough to know we have been through a traumatic event, or they do not know much about PTSD, they judge us and assume we are nutcases.

4) Some undermine our traumatic experience, too.

Most will never link our behaviors to PTSD. It is PTSD that makes us behave the way we do, no one wishes to act like this...

Granted, it HAS gotten better, PTSD has been in the media because of 9/11. SO there is some awareness out there, but most just ignore and go into there little bubble they are in. Until something bad happens to them, they will never know.

-PerfectlyFlawed
 
My primary traumas were in my childhood, and most of the friendships I've had bore greater or lesser elements of emotional abuse. I finally managed to end that, after getting therapy through an abused women's shelter, for the mess I was following my divorce from a highly emotionally abusive husband. Thank goodness, I know the 'red flags' now, so I can and do spot the signs quickly. And it took me so much time and grief to get out of it all that there's little temptation to get involved in a relationship like that again. I've found, recently, that I still have a lot of trauma issues to deal with, but that particular part of it, at least, isn't a major factor.

I'm disabled and not working, though, so I have more control over who I deal with. Abusive or triggering people in a work situation can be a sticky thing. Okdralak, I'm glad for you that you're getting some distance from your problematic supervisor.
 
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