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Not available....cutting off people

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A lot's been written on here but I'm going back to the beginning of this post with reference to asking people how you are. We all do it when we meet a friend in the street. 'Hey mate, how are you?' but we don't really expect them to tell us the truth. I always say, 'Yeah, I'm fine' even when I'm not, because I'm pretty sure they don't really want to know. This was brought home to me last summer when a 'supposedly' good friend of my husband's came to visit (we live in Bulgaria). My husband has suffered a series of minor strokes over the last few years and has become increasingly frail. The 'friend' Steve, took me aside and asked if John was ok because he didn't look well, and i got as far as to say 'Actually no he's - ' before Steve said 'Oh I don't want to know about your problems, forget I asked.' and walked away.

When I ask how someone is, I really want to know. But it's rare that someone tells me the truth, even when I can see they are not well or have problems. One particular friend will wave her arms around and say 'Oh, you know, usual old thing', we go for coffee and she says nothing, then I get home and she sends me a mile long email listing all her problems. Why not just tell me? I'm guessing because she thinks I don't really want to know and it's only later when she's feeling really down that she lets it out. I think you should just tell everybody everything and get it all out in the open. No, I'm joking, I'd never do that, but wouldn't it be easier if we all did that? No more pretending that life is wonderful and we're not all due for a visit to the funny farm in the near future.

So to the OP I would say, someone asking how you are is meaningless, no point hoping for it. When you wake up in the morning ask yourself that question, answer it yourself, curse and swear if that's how you feel, then go out and face the world and pretend everything's great, even though you're crying inside. Then come on here and scream and shout, to people who care.

Lynsey


Lynsey
 
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