• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Not feeling so great

Status
Not open for further replies.

ILoveLife

MyPTSD Pro
T said it's CPTSD for sure that triggered all my mental disorders, it's so inconclusive for lack of research that they don't even know what to diagnose me, and that's fine. I don't even care anymore about diagnoses.

He gave me coping mechanisms to take home, because I've been feeling depressed and suicidal. Not actively suicidal, passive suicidal, just thoughts. The mechanisms do work, I feel slightly better, but the intrusive thoughts from OCD and the "What if I turn out just like my parents?" thoughts, and the shameful thoughts about my past decisions all came crumbling down on me.

I know I can't keep relying on T for emotional backup, that I need to face this head on and by myself, but it's getting really difficult. Lost a friend because he couldn't understand why I can't just "let it go" and "move on", and he was a very close friend, maybe one of the only ones who I thought could really understand. I'm not even a person to complain much, so I just turned my back on that friendship, I don't need that kind of attitude.

I think this is the first time in my life when I'm really facing this without escaping through drugs or alcohol and pretending everything is fine. So the struggle is very real.

Anyone got through this and has any positive feedback, as is it worth it to remember all the crap from childhood to feel better?
Is it really true that it gets worse before it gets better?

Thanks in advance.
 
Hi Seitz

I've had times like that since I was 14. I've never had a friend who understood, I gave up telling them long ago. When it's bad and I retreat into my own world and they ask why I'm not socialising I lie and say I'm busy. But these times do pass, and I'd like to think that for some people they eventually don't return.

'Shameful thoughts about my past decisions'... I think we've all done things we wish we hadn't, but the point is you call them shameful so you know you did something wrong and you won't repeat them. Regrets are for learning from, once the lesson's learned they are no longer needed.They are in the PAST!! Write them down, tear up the paper and throw them down the toilet, that's where regrets belong.

As for your childhood, I don't think you should dwell on it. Mine was so bad I don't remember any of it. I know what happened because I've been told, but apart from the occasional flashback I don't remember and I'm glad. Like your shameful thoughts, leave it all in the past. Those memories are of no use to you in your future life.

Well done for not turning to alcohol or drugs this time. Sounds like you haven't done that before so you are taking a step forward. Now take another step. Do just one thing that you enjoy, even if it's just for 5 minutes. Tomorrow try to do 2 things. Then just keep going. On and on. If you have a bad day and do nothing, it's not the end of the world. Just get up the next day and start again. You can do it, I have complete faith in you.

Just my opinion

Lynsey
 
Hi Seitz

I've had times like that since I was 14. I've never had a friend who understood, I gave up tel...

Thank you lynsey for your thoughtful post. You're right, I should focus on getting better instead of dwelling.
And thank you for the vote of confidence as well :)
 
Yes it does tend to get worse before it gets better. The trauma needs to come OUT so that we feel better, but bringing it out causes much turmoil in our lives.
 
I have CPTSD too, but not OCD, I have Bipolar added to my CPTSD diagnosis. I know what you mean about not caring what the diagnosis is, we just need HELP and we need it NOW! Help comes in slow small doses, however, but the things your therapist gave you to do, please do them. They do help.

I am down to seeing my Therapist once a month now, whereas when I first started, it was twice a week. So I feel that in and of itself indicates that I am doing MUCH better than when I started. I had Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for years, but my current Therapist says she uses a number of different things on me and that seems to work just fine.

I can email her between sessions, and she even gave me her home phone number! I don't abuse that gift either, I have only used it once, when I ended up in the Hospital with Suicidal Ideation and it was the regular hospital, because no mental unit had a bed ANYWHERE within like 100s of miles. Finally they found me a bed, thank God, but I was in that mental hospital for 8 days once I got there.

That was over a year ago now, but I am still paying the bills for both Hospitals....

Anyway, yes it gets better. It just takes time. For instance, after 15 years of being out of work, for both physical and mental reasons, I was finally able to go back to work recently. It is just a part time job, but for me, that is astronomical. I never thought I would be able to work at all ever again. I am having some success at my job too.

So hang in there. Do what you can to help yourself between sessions, read up on your condition and if you can, get yourself a DBT Workbook too. I just ordered one from amazon.com. I did a course in DBT, but I want more info about it, since it seems to be helping a relative of mine who also have CPTSD.
 
Thank you SheilaKathy, I also have BP associated, but like I said, they don't even know anymore lol Glad you get it.

I recently started a part-time as well, which has been very good for me. It keeps me distracted.

I'll go look for a good DBT workbook, thank you for that :)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top