• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Relationship Not Looking Good But Still Holding On

Status
Not open for further replies.

emz315

Confident
Hi Guys,

My partner has combat PTSD seeking some treatment his in therapy twice a week no medications and is still currently working as a trainer in the RAAF base.

I thought I may share with you my story over the weekend just gone the 14th of Feb to the 16th of Feb. (apologies for the punctuation and spelling as I have dyslexia)

Saturday the 14th February
Doom...Valentines Day although I never expected a text form him for V day and i decided not to celebrate it either as he has recently been in a hell hole lately (as he describes it).... we set boundaries a number of weeks ago where we would have a day on day of with texts and calls and see each other on the weekends usually on a Sunday where I stay overnight.

So Saturday had a pretty good day celebrating my nieces birthday, I decided to message my significant other with " How r u today? I'm just at M birthday party and everyone said hello...... his response " Yeah I'm alive. Hope you are all having fun.......My response " yeah I'm okay they r okay... How did you go yesterday? (he was seeing the doctor because of vision and tinnitus and psychology appointment)....... his response "I got through it".......my response " I'm glad you did. I was thinking of cooking us dinner tomorrow night"........then no response..........(apparently he says to me the next day he was over at his mates place who is also in the military hanging out and just ignored his phone for the night)

Sunday the 15th February
I'm excited to see him today even though his not going so well. texted him " Hey Handsome I will be there at 4"......no response...hmmmm its hitting like 2pm that's odd I haven't heard from him.....Call him ....no answer.....I'm getting worried this is not like him at all and considering I got that text yesterday I was very worried...... I wait.....I then get in my car and .....phew he texted me "ok see you soon" when I was on my way their already.......I Arrive.... tense kiss on the cheek, we then chill a little bit talk about our week and then I say " I was worried about you"..... then he states " you have nothing to worry about hey... I've been asleep until lunchtime" ........ in my head (easier said then done mr)........asked him that in relation to texts that the message he sent yesterday was a little confronting and asked if he may be able to say it in a different way for future texts........... his response " you said that you wanted me to text you to let you know I'm okay...if I said I was okay I would have been lying....I'm Alive".......(in my head I'm thinking right okay)

We had a chilled afternoon little talks here and there and then discussed dinner options as I wanted to make dinner for us, he then said that he wanted to just go around to his mates to train quickly and I went on to cook dinner. He returned he had a shower and we had dinner together talking about camping and how I cant change a tyre on a car..... after dinner he then tried to keep busy he sat on the couch with me for abit but it appeared like he needed to be distracted he then went upstairs on the laptop..... me well I guess i will just chill down here and do my own thing.... about an hour later popped my head up there and asked what he was looking at..... he was getting very frustrated with the computer. I then said it would be nice if I could spend a little time with you and then walked away..... to my surprise he came down stairs and sat on the lounge. The computer still frustrating him and he seemed to have a p$%^& off serious look the whole time I was there yesterday........ he then got so p%%^$ off with the computer he threw it and then started slamming stuff around in the kitchen and had a fight with some glad wrap that he was placing over the left overs.....next minute he has stormed up to his room into the dark to lie on his bed...... me (I think I may just leave him for abit and have some time out)... half hour later I go upstairs still looking pissed off but okay.....I lay down next to him... and I ask " did you need to have some chill time"? he response " yeah something like that"......" how are you feeling now?" ......him "still pissed off"....... I go to have a shower to get ready for bed.

we started chatting abit because I notice he opens up more in bed with the lights off then out of bed he usually talks a lot more..... I ask if he would be up for some cuddles (please note he has not really touched me in 3 weeks).... not to my surprise he says "not really in the mood for a cuddle right now" we say goodnight and go to bed..... he however curls up with the doona into what I saw as a "cocoon" of some sort, hidden under the dark shields of the doona....... he has a restless sleep through the night.....

Monday the 16th

alarm goes off. His up like autopilot doing his morning routine shower etc.... I get up too and go down stairs....im not going to see him till next Sunday hoping to get a little cuddle or a kiss......no just a quick one on the cheek and he jumps with the slightest touch..... I say " i will talk to you later".... and he says okay try and have a good day"

He did mention yesterday that he just wants to take everything easy in his life at the moment mix of all the work stress etc, that's probably why we discussed the boundaries to what suited us both right now. I don't want to lose him and im guessing he doesn't want to lose me because he would have just ended it by now...I know he thinks its not fair for me to go through this. I'm actually glad that I just focus my day on him on Sundays only at the moment because if I was with him everyday like this right now I would not be able to cope.

However....

I'm starting to think I'm a trigger?, Can the avoidance be this severe with the partner and is it because of that emotional connection? will he ever touch me again :( I miss his touch?.... is he meaning to be so avoiding and distant?

thanks guys
 
I'm a sufferer. I know that when I'm aware of someone worrying over me - and they can be checking in very, very gently - I get incredibly agitated. If I'm in a bad spot with my symptoms, the kinds of expression of love and caring you are describing (above) would make me lash out or disappear. I don't have any advice, but I recognize a lot of what I think might be going on with him.

The "are you ok"? question is also a tough one for me. I actually think it's tough for anyone suffering with anything. You feel like you are definitely not OK, but you know you're not dead, so answers become "I'm hanging in there" on the positive side to "I'm still alive" on the negative side. I find it easier to answer "how are things?" - it refers to what's going on around me, which will include me, but doesn't put pressure on me to lie about being alright.

Hope some of that helps.
 
@joeylittle thankyou for your feedback I can understand where your coming from its good to know this because it helps me. I find he does not get agitated at me when I ask...I think it may be more that it stresses him knowing that i'm worrying about him though because I do have Generalised anxiety disorder and he is aware of this.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top