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Not Sure What To Do - Parent Suffers PTSD and Depression

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by firefighterchic, Jan 3, 2007.

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  1. firefighterchic

    firefighterchic New Member

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    Hi!

    I feel like I'm complaining even before I start writing this. However, I'm not sure what to do.
    I have a parent who is suffering from PTSD and another parent who is suffering from Depression. I'm trying to help them and do things I think they want me to, but I'm in my 20's and trying to get my own life going. I think the thing that hurts me the most is not being able to take their pain away and give them the things that they need. I can do something one day and have it be okay and the next day it will be a trigger. I just want to help and do everything right... but I'm not sure how.
     
    ranger2_75 likes this.
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  3. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Hi FFC, welcome to the forum. If you want the honest truth, if your parent with PTSD has never dealt with their trauma, then it doesn't matter what you do, you will never please them, because basically, they cannot please themselves, let alone another achieving it. The best thing you can do, is push them to both get very good help, not believe they can just exist with PTSD running around. PTSD must be dealt with, it must be learnt to be controlled, trauma must be healed, otherwise its just chaos all round.
     
  4. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    hey, ffchic, welcome. your parents are so fortunate that you want to help them, but they've got to to want to help themselves first.
    cathy
     
  5. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Hi FF.

    I am a parent with PTSD. I went years uncontrolled. You can not do anything to make this better for them, only they can do that. Doing everything right? Toss that one out the window right now. It will never happen because with triggers, right can change within seconds. Be loving, supportive, take care of yourself, and learn about PTSD and depression. That is more than enough as it is.

    It is nice to have you here.. LOL, maybe I can convince my kids to hop on here now.. They could relate to you (they are stubborn LOL)

    Bec
     
  6. firefighterchic

    firefighterchic New Member

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    Thanks for responding back. I dont' know what to do to get them the help that is necessary. Lack of money and health insurance is a big issue at this point and not helping any of us. They are aware that they have PTSD and Depression, between both of them trying to help eachother its very draining on them as well as me. They are currently on some medications;however, I feel that these are just an excuse not to give them the help that they really need. But the doctors are simply using a band aid method... because they are just another name on a piece of paper that they have to see.
     
  7. firefighterchic

    firefighterchic New Member

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    Thank you Becvan....I feel like I'm so helples though. No matter how much I read, research and then apply those teachings, they don't help. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong but no matter what I do or think that I'm doing right, it NEVER is right. I hate it. I feel like I just want to hit this PTSD thing right in the jaw, and knock it's butt. (if you knew me I couldn't hit any thing to intentionally cause pain, but in this case I think I could make an exception.)
     
  8. firefighterchic

    firefighterchic New Member

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    Cookie, thank you too. It feels good to have some one to talk to around here that is going through simular things and might have suggestions to help out.
     
  9. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Possibly have a look at [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread2296.html[/DLMURL] which may give you some better insight to PTSD.

    It sounds to me that what your expecting is that by simply giving some knowledge to your parents, all will be better. It doesn't work like that... far from it actually. PTSD must be dealt with at the trauma level itself, which means your parent with PTSD must rid themselves of all trauma. This takes months to years in order to accomplish, and accomplish well. Depression is not so hard, and that can be cured, PTSD is not curable, but that doesn't mean a life cannot be led once again.

    To be honest, the best thing you could do is send your parent with PTSD here to be dealt with, because you will not be able to fix them, regardless how much you learn, you cannot understand what is going on inside unless you suffer it. This is why sufferers are rarely totally open and honest with their therapists, and hence why they never really make significant progress. People will open up though to others that have suffered the same, and feel the same symptoms and pain as they do.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2015
  10. Terry

    Terry Well-Known Member

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    Hey FFC, can't give you much more than whats posted already. Sounds like your in the US. If your in or near a big city, check out (NAMI) National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. While PTSD is not a so called mental illness (AMI or NAMI) has many resources and support you may need. Iv'e worked with them for about 15 years as a member of my depts. Crisis Intervention Team. They are good folks. There are alot of good folks here too. WELCOME
     
  11. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

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    Your parents are extreamly lucky to have some one who cares for them so much. All I can say is that perfection is a good goal as long as you realize that it is unatainable, and that it's mearly a dream to strive for. If your parents are at all reasonable they already know that, and only expect you to do your best at all times; fully knowing that you will make mistakes. This site has several articles that are excelent reading and information but you must remember that you didn't break it so you can't fix it. Probably the best thing you can do is to remember that most of the things that act as triggers are not in any way personal, they are simply dud rounds that you were simply fortunate enough to be the one that bumped it at the wrong time and set it off. The whole walking on eggshells thing, is just the wrong thing to do, it helps no one. Triggers have to be faced in order to get through them. Well good luck! Hope you can find some comfort here to ease some of your obvious pain.


    ranger
     
  12. firefighterchic

    firefighterchic New Member

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    Thank you ranger 2_75 for you thoughts and opinions. I will read the suggested articles and see what I can do. Even though I didn't break it.. the need to fix it is there. I hate to see the ones I love in pain and unable to take it away. I don't walk on egg shells to often... because I know no matter what I say or do its going to be okay one minute and a trigger the next. I play it one day at a time and have started talking on this forum so I think it will help to see what else everyone else is going though, that way I might be able to apply it to my situation as well.
    Thanks again and I will look into some of that stuff you suggested.
     
  13. Scott_Fraser

    Scott_Fraser Well-Known Member

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    Hi there FF, how are you.
    I think that you are to young to be trying to do the right thing to help your parents, but you need a life as well. Can your local Social Work Department not help and give you that bit of space for yourself. Is there a Carers Centre in your town where you can go and offload any problems that you have.
    I feel for you mate.
    Take care
    Scott:hello:
     
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