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Not Sure Why I Do What I Do

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Yes and no. I was married for two and a half years to an abusive, mentally ill cumstain.

I cheated on him at the very end because I just stopped caring. I don't believe that the infidelity was caused by my PTSD, at least not by combat PTSD. Maybe I had some kind of PTSD from him holding me and my dog at gunpoint--and that was the turning point in our relationship when I started thinking about having my needs met elsewhere while still vaguely honoring my vows by waiting for him to get his shit together and knock it off. Well, I learned that it doesn't work that way. Maybe he was incapable of changing. Maybe he was unwilling or unable to address his issues at that point in time. He got arrested a few months later for more domestic bullshit. Good riddance.

The fact is that you're not happy in your marriage. That may not be entirely your wife's fault. Maybe you need to do some introspection before engaging in another committed relationship. At this point, it might be best for both of you to just cut your losses and move on. Unless you were a serial philanderer to begin with, fidelity is usually the last arrow in your quiver.

IF you decide you want to work things out with her, you have to be 100% honest and be prepared for the possibility that she may very well leave you because of the affair. But hell, at least you tried.
 
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