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Not The Morning I Wanted

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MrsBeasley86

Confident
I went to bed last night feeling pretty good. I was positive and hopeful. But this morning was not the best. My 6 yr old daughter started 1st grade Monday. I took her to and from school fine that day. Yesterday, my husband was here. So we both took her. But this morning, I had my uncle pick her up. She was excited because she gets to ride with her cousin. He told me that until I feel better, he will take her to and from school. But I feel so bad. I want to be able to do it myself! But right now, my anxiety has me floored. I dont want to leave my house. I don't want to be alone. I hate all of this. My depersonalization is back. I just feel hopeless. I know that one day, I will be fine. But it's the process that I hate. I don't want to go through this again:cry:
 
I can totally understand how you feel. Having PTSD when you have small children is a special kind of hell. I have a four-year-old daughter who is very active and requires a lot of attention. I have so much guilt and guilty feelings for all of the things that I cannot do for her because of my PTSD and very bad back injury. I'm sorry, I really don't have any answers right now, I'm just trying to get by day by day. But I can totally empathize with you and understand exactly what you're going through, and let you know that you are not alone.
I, too, feel hopeless but I have to believe that one day, I pray, my children will understand.
:hug:s if you accept. Hang in there! You are not alone!
 
Thank you for the kind words! And I'm sorry you are going through this too. I just want to be the best mom. And right now, I feel like I'm letting her down. But She knows that I don't feel good right now. I just hate it. I hate laying in bed feeling hopeless. All I want to do is sleep until all this is better.
 
A mothers guilt is like no other. It is truly painful for us when we cannot do what we want to for our children. The fact that you care that much is your proof that you are an awesome mom! Don't ever forget that fact :)
When my daughter was born my back was injured during the delivery & I was in excruciating pain & nobody believed me. They would say " oh you just had a baby, your back is going to be a little sore "
I have 3 herniated discs & degenerated disc.:(Also, one of my worst triggers is loud noises from my ptsd diagnosed 4 years earlier & all baby's cry. I wasn't prepared for that, wasn't in therapy, just on meds. I was miserable, did the best I could, but will ALWAYS feel guilty for not being better & not enjoying my precious baby girl more.
Just treasure the times when you can do & she will too.:)
 
Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that about your back :( is there anyway to fix it? My dad has a lot of back problems so I know how hard it can be!
I just have so much guilt that I can't take her to school or pick her up. I've always done it, until today. But I'm thankful that I have someone to help me getting her back and forth. And I know that one day, I'll be able to do it. I just have to be strong. (easier said than done lol)
 
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