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Not Wanting People To Talk To Me.

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Philippa

MyPTSD Pro
I'm wondering if anyone else here has been told, or know themselves, that they give off an aura that communicates the message "don't talk to me"?

I was told by my school counselor the other day, that I do give off this vibe to people, and I know that I do as well.

I just hate small talk, and also tend to feel invaded by many people, or I have in the past, and I guess I have not wanted to take the risk by putting up that attitude so people don't come near me, because I remember a time when I consciously decided that I just didn't want anything to do with people.

Does anyone else here do the same thing?

It can be a bit confusing, because at times I also have a contradictory aspect that feels like I'm not being included...even though I didn't want them to come near me to start with?
 
Philippa, yeah same thing here. Not a fan of groups or strangers talking to me, but I hate feeling left out. Just got to push yourself to get involved with groups and do things you know you want to do even if the PTSD is telling you that you don't.
 
Yes, very much the same story here, right down to the contradictory "why won't you talk to me/get away from me" feelings and longings. I find people terribly triggering of late and almost physically shrivel away from any contact, even with those I know, with very very few exceptions. Yet perpetual aloneness and disconnect from the world are almost as challenging and constant for me thesedays. Nowhere do I feel more alone than in the middle of a crowd of people.

Maddog
 
I'm 6'3", around 250 lbs. I don't smile much. Even as a young man, way before PTSD people asked me why I was angry all the time. I wasn't, I just guess I give off that vibe too.

I can be very intimidating to most people with out even trying. I often don't want to small talk with people I don't know, and use my size and look to keep people at a distance.

This was me when I was still a truck driver.

Barberian.jpg
 
Nice pic Barberian. :)

Sometimes I can not even speak and words come out like they are cememt blocks. I have a real hard time talking to strangers on the telephone too.

Today I got triggered by talking in front of group. They were all mostly my friends so I thought I could handle it. But then I got ashamed of something I said. :(

I have these opposite polar wishes too. Because I want to have my friends and be social. I often compare myself to others who are much more social than me. I find that backing off and just being me is a better choice though. It doesn't mean I can't be social, but more like I am very delicate at it and take my time and would like to be more careful with how I interact.

I think I am more aware of this after being diagnosed. I can't afford being triggered so often, so it just about knowing how important I am and how important it is for me to get better.
 
I guess you might say, one of my survival skills, has been learning when someone else wants to talk me or not.

I'm an introvert in the first place, and then add on all the stress it takes to talk to people, especially since most of the time I'm listening and they are talking.

I still find myself, like at the store or wherever, when I recognize someone I know, I'm already thinking to myself, okay, is this person, going to be a "hi" and keep on working so I don't feel rejected, or will we actually stop and talk.

I so understand what you're saying, it is a fine line to get that balance. With me, it is a daily practice when I venture out. I know for me, fear plays/ed a big part with me in interacting with another individual, still working on that too!
 
Same here. I have often been told I am distant and cold. If I feel bad I tend to isolate myself.

I do seek out company, and most of the people I talk to are pretty chilled out. They also have the same dark sense of humour I do :P
 
Sometimes, for sure. I am shy but appear (or am required to be) 'extroverted' (try to put others at ease, at work and otherwise).

Real 'hard part' comes on my own time. I often have to force myself to speak up, even with friends. Not in response to them (their conversation), but to ask anything etc or such. Mostly feel like running.

A wonderful person here on the forum said the feeling of not belonging is oftentimes due to low grade panic. But yes, I feel I don't belong or am 'burdensome'.
 
It can be a bit confusing, because at times I also have a contradictory aspect that feels like I'm not being included...even though I didn't want them to come near me to start with?

Do you remember a time when you were the instigator of something really neat? A leader of a group? A participator in something big? Accepted and feeling happiness for just being a part of the group?

For me, I have started so many BIG things, and just when it gets going well, something happens (words that hurt) and I find myself quitting because of others' words. The things that I know I CAN do are never fulfilled because I just can't allow myself to finish something I don't deserve.

I always feel I'm not being included; and when I find out I'm right, I have this pain in my stomach that says, SEE, I knew I wasn't good enough.

I hibernate. I feel safe behind these walls of home. I don't even like people to come see me; interfering with my safety. I'm walled off at home, and again inside myself. I'm hiding right in plain sight.
 
I don't actively try to keep people at a distance; I'm just naturally unresponsive so that people get bored and leave (unless people hit upon a topic that I find interesting).

I don't like it when people try to include me. Being included feels like a lot of pressure; you have to conform, you have to be friendly and all this shit, and if you don't, you'll be spat out by the group as fast as it tried to suck you in.
 
Phillipa, feeling like you described may not have anything to do with ptsd. This just may be your natural personality. Have you investigated or talked to your counselor about having an introverted personality? It isn't a disorder of any kind, except when you fall too far down the scale and clash with the majority of the extroverted society we live in.

If you grew up in China you probably wouldn't feel out of place because their society rewards introverts (their majority), where as Western culture (anyone who lives west of China apparently) is rewarded for extroversion, there by making (extreme end) introverts feel out of place.

Investigate this further and talk to a counselor about it. You'll find relief in knowing you are not weird or even unhealthy with these feelings in social situations.
 
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