Hi, I'm Sam, short for Samuli. I'm 14, from the UK, specifically England. I have a mix of mental illnesses, including PTSD, OCD and Autism. I have this compulsion to feel as if whatever I say, I'll get in trouble. My Autism means I have no clue how people will react to what I say and whenever I say painful or dark things, it's because my feelings are a lot number than others and I don't find it as distressing to think about. Personally I think that should in theory contradict triggers for my PTSD but there are still triggers in a lot of places or thoughts, even if I don't consider them to be as severe as they are to others.
I got PTSD from 6 months of being in a verbally abusive relationship and bullying by my peers, both in school. A month after that, I was raped by a girl who seemed nice and I thought I could trust. After that I just became empty and ignored the world. I did no homework, when my dad shouted at me every day after school I'd ignore him, I wouldn't work in class, I'd have my head on the desk as if I were dead and the bullying kept going. Every day at school I'd see both the girl who raped me and the girl who abused me. I had to go on the same bus as the girl who abused me every day for weeks, I'd sit at the front self harming as I'd hear her at the back laughing about me with the guy she cheated on me with, and dumped me for.
Everything changed when I moved school, I had a girlfriend who was good to me and understood when I went slowly with the relationship, I had a close friend who was there for me always, my education kick started and got better and I was sad less often. Of course though, the nightmares started to kick in and every day I'd drive past the bus I used to go on and I'd sit in a state of shock for about 10 minutes. My friends don't understand it, my parents can't do much about it and my girlfriend has her own problems to overcome.
This is where I am now, in a safe place but paranoid as hell. I'm in France right now on holiday and I'm still scared that my ex will be out there when I'm travelling. I'm triggered by something at least 4 times daily, but it's getting better. I just felt the need to connect with people who know how I feel. Most people laugh at me and say I haven't been to war and got PTSD and that I should shut up and have some respect for veterans. I have a deep respect for veterans, my uncle and great granddad were both military.
Not sure if I typed to much here, but at least there'll be something to read for a while. Sorry if it's too long, sorry if it's too personal and sorry if it's breaking a rule that I misunderstood.
I am seeing a psychologist.
Hello, I'm Sam. Nice to meet you.
I got PTSD from 6 months of being in a verbally abusive relationship and bullying by my peers, both in school. A month after that, I was raped by a girl who seemed nice and I thought I could trust. After that I just became empty and ignored the world. I did no homework, when my dad shouted at me every day after school I'd ignore him, I wouldn't work in class, I'd have my head on the desk as if I were dead and the bullying kept going. Every day at school I'd see both the girl who raped me and the girl who abused me. I had to go on the same bus as the girl who abused me every day for weeks, I'd sit at the front self harming as I'd hear her at the back laughing about me with the guy she cheated on me with, and dumped me for.
Everything changed when I moved school, I had a girlfriend who was good to me and understood when I went slowly with the relationship, I had a close friend who was there for me always, my education kick started and got better and I was sad less often. Of course though, the nightmares started to kick in and every day I'd drive past the bus I used to go on and I'd sit in a state of shock for about 10 minutes. My friends don't understand it, my parents can't do much about it and my girlfriend has her own problems to overcome.
This is where I am now, in a safe place but paranoid as hell. I'm in France right now on holiday and I'm still scared that my ex will be out there when I'm travelling. I'm triggered by something at least 4 times daily, but it's getting better. I just felt the need to connect with people who know how I feel. Most people laugh at me and say I haven't been to war and got PTSD and that I should shut up and have some respect for veterans. I have a deep respect for veterans, my uncle and great granddad were both military.
Not sure if I typed to much here, but at least there'll be something to read for a while. Sorry if it's too long, sorry if it's too personal and sorry if it's breaking a rule that I misunderstood.
I am seeing a psychologist.
Hello, I'm Sam. Nice to meet you.
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