1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The Daily Dose

Get the last 24hrs of new topics delivered to your inbox.

Click Here to Subscribe

Now He Thinks I Am Not Trustworthy...

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by sarah, Sep 21, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. sarah

    sarah New Member

    19
    0
    0
    I'm not sure what to do or if there is anything I can do...my husband and I are now at a point where he wants to get a divorce...because his mother called me and I confided in her that me and my husband are on rocky terms for now. According to him we are not suppose to talk to his parents or let them in on any part of our lives, I wasn't supposed to but I did...and then days later she left him a voicemail saying not to break his family apart.

    UGHHH I am so mad...now he's saying we don't have any trust in our relationship...but when he confronted me about speaking to her I did say I talked to her but briefly and that she called me at work! which was true, and I sort of downplayed it when I should'nt have...but according to him I should have had the will power to say< I don't wanna talk to you!>
    Now I am rambling...crap...now what am I going to do? I was scared about how he would react to tell him right after the conversation w/ his mom...we uste to be really close w/ his parents and now I am to blame...

    but, something tells me in the back of my head that he was just fishing for something to break us apart...I told him that this is just the easy way out for him...and he tells me not to say that because how can he work something out w/ someone he doesn't trust now?

    Now he would wonder what other things I would do to betray him...and that he never should have wasted all this time w/ me, had a baby w/ me, etc. etc. I told him I was sorry...but it doesn't matter to him anymore...

    I'm almost ready to give up, sell our house and live w/ my mother(who doesn't know anything about whats going on). Could he possibly be so scared to get help, that he is amplifing this to be a bigger deal then it really is?:doh:He says he didn't fight and survive a war just so it can later be used against him...he says I don't understand that...and that when any little thing goes wrong I want to pull out the PTSD card on him...this is the first time I've ever brought it up! ..

    it is not true though I just want to learn how to live w/ it..I am soooo upset and in tears...I Love my husband but he just keeps pushing me further and further away.:frown:
     
  2. Register to participate in live chat, PTSD discussion and more.
  3. desert4now

    desert4now Active Member

    59
    1
    0
    Sarah,
    What you were doing by talking to his mother was not vindictive or you were not trying to be deceitful. You were trying to grab on to a life preserver, that is all. You are trying to save him, yourself, your marriage, your child, I know. He will not see it like that right now. It's like grabbing a rope that is greased.

    I know you love your husband. That may be all you know right now. I know you hurt. We are here for you. My thoughts are with you.
     
  4. sarah

    sarah New Member

    19
    0
    0
    Thanx

    Thank You Desert,
    Your support means so much...I am hurting...
     
  5. desert4now

    desert4now Active Member

    59
    1
    0
    Sarah,
    I can't take the hurt away but I can tell you that you are not alone my friend. You are not alone.
     
  6. cdunny

    cdunny Active Member

    81
    8
    0
    That is the most frustrating thing and I feel for you so much. I can handle anything but my family falling apart. And it makes it 100 times worse after you have a baby. When you're all by yourself its easier to shrug off the emotions and start over. But when there is a child involved it is the scariest thing. My husband goes off and does crazy things every once in a while and I will confide in my family and friends, Usually my brother tells me that he will get over it and usually he does, but thats my husband I dont know yours. The only advice I can give is for you to know that no matter what he decides to do, its not your fault. Him saying and doing hurtful things has nothing to do with you. For you to be secure and happy with yourself is the most important thing. I have told David before, "you can be angry all you want but your not ruining my day over it". Sometimes, even with me, it allows the person to see how silly and selfish they are acting. It also makes them want even more to just be happy and content again. If I were you I wouldnt push so much anymore. I would just live my life and take care of my child and stop walking on egg shells. If he wants to be miserable then thats the choice he made. But despite his actions, you make the choice to be happy. Thats is obviously easier said than done, but it makes a person more aproachable and less threatening. You changing your outlook might eventually even calm him and make him want to be around you more. The point is for you to realize that no matter what , you are going to be okay.
     
  7. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

    191
    5
    0
    Hi Sarah.
    I am so sorry for what has happened.. I am so sad. A few days ago you said things were ok :( and i was happy for you guys.....
    To be honest i am afriad my husband will get to the point where he wants nothing to do with me anymore....i hate the fact that i feel as if i am actually waiting for it to happen :( Its so scary. Also, we no longer have all the trust we should have for each other...what does all this mean??? I have been so depressed as well this week. I am so sorry for what is happening. You did nothing wrong, you care and love him and want to help him.
    I refuse to believe this myself but i think someone in the forum said "you cant make anybody stay with you" he has a wonderful wife who is going through so much (just like he is) you have a child together and he is willing to throw all that away because you spoke to his mother??? I dont know...he needs to clear his mind and think about what he is doing.... although i do not have kids, i sometimes feel as if my husband does not need me at all and he would prefer to do this on his own. It breaks my heart to think that because i want to be with him and have a fam with him but i dont know whats going to happen. I hope once he has the time to calm down, lets it sink in...i hope you realizes that you dont do things to hurt him but you do them because you care.... Im sorry sarah...hang on, be strong...you are the stronger one right now...dont let go. I am here for you.
     
  8. sarah

    sarah New Member

    19
    0
    0
    Thank You

    Cdunny and Andrea - thank you...I am too upset right now and don't know what to do...How will I know that I will be okay? Thank You so much for being there for me...I have been strong for so long I am just starting to wear down...
     
  9. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

    191
    5
    0
    Sarah, I hope you are ok... I am having a bad day again myself :( Just wanted to see how you are doing
     
    cdunny likes this.
  10. sarah

    sarah New Member

    19
    0
    0
    reality check

    Hi Andrea,
    I'm doing a little better today...I just need to focus on me and my son, I guess if he wants to go through w/ a divorce then lets do it..if thats the only dumb solution he can come up with...maybe its best that way...I think I just don't want to try anymore if he doesn't..like cdunny said its like grabbing on to a greased rope...its not going to help any of us...we might as well be miserable for the rest of our lives...he doesn't want to help himself, he is in denial..he thinks that I hurt him...he thinks I don't understand how hard he works to give us a comfortable living(i work full time too*Jerkoff*)...I guess its all just bs...thats what my mom told me hehehe.....I just need to pick my ass up off the floor and focus on how I am going to do this by myself...maybe he will come around and actually consider going into therapy..when "we" are not around as much anymore...I know I've already started...I'm done...I love him but I'm done...thanks for asking PHEW* Venting feels so good!
     
  11. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

    32,970
    46,397
    57,850
    Sarah, I totally agree with your initial thoughts, in that he is just fishing for an easy way out, he just can't accept it thats all. Such a trivial matter in the overall scheme of life is not an excuse to end a relationship. Slap him around the head and tell him to wakeup to himself to be quite honest.
     
  12. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

    442
    14
    0
    Sarah,

    I'm guessing that this is exactly his strategy. They will blame you for everything and I mean everything!! It is an excuse, he doesn't have to deal with his emotions and he can be angry (albeit for a bullshit reason) rather than angry at himself. The situation with his parents is of his own making and if he already distrusts you for it now, why not continue to accept their support. You have a right to support, as does he. Quite frankly I would continue seeing his parents but make sure he knows about it straight up front. Can't be accused of being decietful then.

    As for him wanting to pull your lives apart.....dumb ass!! I too, on many occasions have struggled with why Anthony bothered having children with me if it was going to be such a struggle. He was in the clear right from the start, he knew I wanted children and that was what he accepted by taking me on. If he is so entrenched in his PTSD that he is stupid enough to break up your family without considering its impact. There is nothing that you can do. I also wouldn't rely on the fact that if you go he will wake up to himself, it is likely that he will just continue as he is.

    As for him working hard. Do you ever sit on your butt and really relax? I doubt it. I imagine that you work just as hard. You take of yourself and let him deal with his sorry ass. Loving him won't change him. He has to get motivated himself. I hope you feel better today. Big hugs.
     
  13. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

    442
    14
    0
    Cdunny,

    This is the worst bit for me as well. After we completed the PTSD course (like a week later) Anthony started his crap again and told me that he was thinking of seperating. Couldn't have hit me harder........broke my heart. It was so much worse than ever before because we had Alexander, who was 9 or 10 months old, we had just gotten through this course on which I had supported him all the way and this was my thanks. My son has a real bond with his Daddy and that has to be a considersation for me in all that I do. I suspect that if it had only been me when he told me we were seperating, I would have gone without looking back. Its a two fold impact with children I guess, they have to be the first consideration as to whether you stay or go. In a number of ways they make you work harder to save a relationship than you might do under other circumstances.
     
Loading...
Similar Threads -
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Show Sidebar