With all that's going on in my life my system has just decided to shut down. I'm going numb. It scares me because I fear what is going to happen when I get my feelings back. I fear feeling the full effect of the damage I've caused and making another attempt. I am hurting but worst of all I am hurting those around me. I hate this disorder. I'm half way convinced that I'm paying for the sins of past lives because this is just beyond cruel, having to live a life of isolation. I wish the last attempt had stuck. This is no way to live.