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Military Odd Question From A Vet With Ptsd

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Cadillac15

So I have an odd question. I spent about 13 months in Iraq. I never got hit out on the road, but the post I was on got hit often. I was once picked up and thrown from a rocket that landed right near me. I was fortunate that it landed on top of a bunker so nothing actually hit me other than the concussion.

I can't do fireworks, thunder storms, or anything that goes boom. I try but it just doesn't work. Yet, my wife and I do a lot of nerdy things (Ren Faire, Comic Con, etc) where we dress in costume and take on a different persona. When I am in costume, it's as if I don't have PTSD. Cannons can go off and I'll barely flinch. Is this normal or no? Thanks.
 
I don't know if it is normal. But it sounds that you escape into a different world going on the Con. Are you into LARP aswell?
 
I don't do LARP. Mainly just Ren Faire on the weekends during the summer. Or like, the other day we did a murder mystery dinner, and we had to assume a persona so I was able to walk around in an extremely crowded room, alone, talking to strangers. I don't do well in crowded places at all, yet felt fine there.
 
That's interesting.

I belong to two different cultures, and when I have to do public speaking in one (in that language) I'm not nervous, but when I do public speaking in the other I can't stop shaking.

There was a film with Jeff Bridges, I think it was called Fearless. He survived a plane crash and initially was in a sort of euphoric state at still being alive, in which he was no longer allergic to strawberries. Then he returned to "normality" and the allergy came back. I've read about this, it's like a temporary rewiring of our brains and bodies.

Which goes to show how much is possible. Let's get visualising...
 
Is this normal or no? Thanks.
Define normal and you have your answer. Normal is simply what you find appropriate for you, and you alone. Societies view of normal is the majority view, which lets face it, is skewed and changes based on demographic group. In a lawyer environment normal might be well spoken, professional, long hours, formal attire, so forth. Normal for cleaners may be family and friends, helping others, casual cloths, home cooking, so forth.

So to put it bluntly, your ability to not have issues with cannon fire whilst in costume could be quite normal if others in costume also don't have some issues that they have otherwise out of costume / character. Everyone has different problems, so its relative to problems in general, not just cannon fire / loud noises that affect you.

My point is, don't try and find normal, because you will only chase your tail and cause yourself confusion based on who you ask, because every person will have a different normal compared to you.

The real thing is about why you have little issue with such noise in costume versus not in costume. Well... the simple answer may be that you change yourself into the character when in costume, you adopt a persona, and that persona isn't scared of such loud noises because you make choices for that persona. What you achieve in persona, that is causing the issue out of persona, is exactly how you change such problems. You look at the issue and face it, head on, and expose yourself. You ask yourself why you react the way you do, then how you can approach the problem differently next time to change your reaction to the way you want to be.

There will always be times when you're unprepared for such noises and have a reaction, however; for fireworks and other events that you want to enjoy, you really make a subtle change to your persona so you can enjoy the event and not react without changing into a character. You just change that one fear with rational thoughts and perceptions of where you are, who you're with, so forth.
 
I have no answers, but my own experience is that my hub (who re-enacts) has no problem when in event-mode with things that, in everyday life, he has a big problem with. (Triggers and stressors, I mean.)

No idea why, and nobody (therapists included) has ever been able to explain it.
 
This is so fascinating. I had never heard anything like it.

You guest-posted, like me, so I don't know if you are going to revisit this page and see my comment, but the only thing I could think of was readings I did in College about theater - the purposes for theater and drama. That society plays out on stage our fears in a safe place. We have a catharsis. We will stage dramas about wars and violence and tragedies to get it out, to exercise our fears, so that somehow, by dramatizing them, we master them.

I wonder if it is the same thing for you. Granted, watching it doesn't do it for you -- you can't be around it -- but actually playing out a character, any kind of character, you can handle it.

Sharing this with you as just a vague hint, maybe.

But truly, what you are saying is really amazing.
 
I've come across this a couple of times with people with different traumas and I think it's fascinating. I don't have any helpful advice, but you are most certainly not alone in this. I bet you wish you could wear that costume all the time, though I think then it may loose its affect.
 
One explanation I've seen, in acting, is that when taking on a character, a person actually creates a level of new tension. The new patterns over-ride their usual responses. The new tension pattern acts a bit like a layer of denial, blocking deeper responses.

Another explanation that I've seen while learning the Alexander Technique, is that people use their minds and bodies differently in different situations. That new "mindbody use", literally uses different neurological pathways, that results in different reactions to the same stimuli.

I've had such a breakthrough, with the use of my arms, using new/different neurological pathways, that with practice, have become habitually available to me. As a by-product, the psychological piece of the memory is not stimulated.

I liked what Anthony pointed out; circumstances, and expectations always play a role.

The key for me in healing, without drama or imaginary circumstances, would be able to go to the preferred responses, ever so magically. Sometimes, they show us possibilities we can achieve, with practice and therapy.
 
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My experience is not quite what you describe, but similar in a funny kind of way. I've struggled with PTSD mainly for the past 3 years (after 12 years without symptoms of it, having had it previously). When I'm not working, I find it difficult to leave the house, or do anything like the dishes (my dishes have been sitting on the bench for 4 weeks now, I have too much anxiety to do them). I isolate, avoid the phone, and work to avoid any possible triggers. I pre record all tv shows, I do not read the paper. I filter anything I might be exposed to and I generally spent my time distraction through tube videos and using avoidance to 'cope'. I have panic attacks, dissociation, suicidal feelings and thoughts. I struggle with depression on and off. I can be 'paralyzed' with anxiety and unable to think, or even move sometimes (literally - I have to lie down on the floor and sleep for 20 minutes). Basically, I'm not exactly high functioning.

But when I'm working, I can hold myself together. It is like I am a different person. I don't have panic attacks. I don't dissociate. I cope with very stressful situations - I am a health professional - I don't want to be specific about my job, but I am involved in obstetrics. I am on call twenty four seven, having only every other weekend off call. I carry a pager and at any time I can be paged with an emergency that I have to deal with then and there. Sometimes I have to make life or death decisions and sometimes I am involved in emergencies and if I don't act fast, lives can be lost. I see things in my job that 'normal' people would struggle to deal with; I've had things happen in my job even the most seasoned health professional in my line of work, would want to quit over. When my work is good, its really good - but when its shit, it's really really shit. A 'bad day' on my job involves a near death, or sometimes does involve death, and I have to be a supportive professional with my clients, no matter how hard my day is.

In an emergency I know what to do and I do it; work rarely stresses me, and when I am stressed its not by the hard decisions or outcomes, but usually not having enough time in the day to see everyone or I'm running behind appointment times.

Yet when i'm not in my 'work role' I can't even do the damn dishes around home. I can't even tell you why I cannot do them. I can struggle to get out of bed, and getting out of bed can trigger a panic attack or suicidal feelings. I can be in the middle of awful PTSD stuff, my pager goes and its like a switch - PTSD is put aside and i'm 'on' and in work mode; and able to do my job safely, professional and by all accounts, I do a very good job.

Yet, you'd think for someone with a severe anxiety disorder, being on call and having to think fast and act quickly, as well as face potentially life threatening situations and be there to pick yup the pieces after, would be the worst thing possible - or even impossible. Yet someone, I can.

I know many other people have the same experience, with work, or different situations. While they might not describe exactly your situation, I don't think its unusual to have some parts of our lives where we are seemingly not triggered by even really stressful things, yet in other parts of our lives, we are triggered very easily.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could 'summon' the higher functioning part of ourselves and flick it on whenever we were struggling with anxiety or PTSD? Put the highly anxious part of ourselves to sleep once and for all?!!
 
Relate to November Star's post... "work mode" my husband calls it. He sees distinct differences and about the only thing that he can relate is that I focus intently on the student, client, patient when I'm doing one of my jobs. The other job is solitary so that one sort of balances it out. When in "work mode" it is all about the present and what or who is in front of me.

I have no surprise that being "in character" might produce a favorable result.
 
This is a great question. Sometimes I get triggered and sometimes not, by the same stimulii. I think the distraction helps. Like writing with your less dominant hand, it feels like "starting all over again."

When you are being creative you are using the right side of the brain more than normal for established routines (which is left) and rules and procedures. It could be that trigger-responses for you are routed more through the left side and moving into use of the right sort of side-steps the trigger's pathway.

If that works for you, I'd pursue that with all my being and go into creative work more and more. I'm happy for you to have found this!
 
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