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Sufferer Officially Diagnosed. Childhood Emotional Abuse "survivor"...

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Emi

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If you can call me surviving - heh. I've been to several therapists and a couple psychiatrists. I've asked about BPD repeatedly because so many of my symptoms seem to fit into that diagnosis to me. One told me I have severe anxiety and abandonment issues. One looked at me for 2 seconds and said "You don't have BPD" and diagnosed me with Mood Disorder (NOS). One said I show symptoms of PTSD. SO I went to get psychologically evaluated. I took the MMPI-2 and another test I can't remember the acronym for. Last week I got my official diagnoses: PTSD, Borderline and Dependent Personality traits. Oh and my anxiety showed up as "through the roof".

I start DBT next week. I found this forum today and I'm hoping between having some community support via the forums and my therapy sessions that I can start to feel like I'm actually surviving. Because right now, I feel like I'm mostly just trying to shut out the underlying stuff that made me this way and still having roller coaster emotions despite being on Celexa and Wellbutrin. They seem to help keep the rages down, but the depressive slumps and irritability and everything else is still there.

But yeah - Hi, by the way. I'm Emi.
 
Welcome to the forum!

Diagnoses serve a limited purpose, mostly to get insurance to pay for some of your treatment. What matters far more is you, your life history, and where you go from here. Besides, there is a great deal of overlap with all these diagnoses. It's not like there are clear demarcations between them. Many people here have had multiple diagnoses before PTSD. It might actually make more sense if there was a specific disorder for each one of us, like Emi Disorder or WillyKAT Disorder.

The good news is that your here and you've started the process. You will find support here. We all go through a phase where we try to shut out the pain. I've spent many years w/o treatment in that phase, so the fact that you are getting treatment now will help shorten it for you.

During part of my healing, I came up with a simple philosophy which went something like this:
  • Dwelling on your problems doesn't help deal with them.
  • Running away from your problems doesn't work; you'll tire and then be overwhelmed.
  • You must stand and fight them to the death.
Over the last year or so, I've sort of transcended the third one. Instead of standing and fighting, I've come to realize that embracing them as part of me works best. They tend to diminish and someday disappear with the right amount of self-love.

It's good you found us, we benefit from your story too so its not a one way street.
 
Welcome to the forum! I would just like to point out that having "traits" of a personality disorder is not the same as having a personality disorder. At least that's what I remember from my psych classes. At different times in my healing, I have thought, "Maybe I have BPD." But I have gotten the same reaction as you have from therapists, and also there are distinct differences between my thinking processes/behaviors and the thinking processes/behaviors of someone with BPD.

Regardless, DBT is helpful for a number of issues. I know I benefited from having a therapist who specialized in it for a while.
 
@radicalgratitude I know having traits isn't the same as having the disorder... The more I learn about Ptsd the more I see how it fits more so than the bpd I originally thought I had. I've tried cbt and talk therapy and neither has been helpful...or at least not helpful enough. From what my therapist tells me, dbt is more structured and I desperately need structure.
 
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