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Oh God No - Help!- Partner Will Be Gone 7 Hours a Day

Discussion in 'General' started by mortiis31, Oct 12, 2007.

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  1. mortiis31

    mortiis31 Active Member

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    Hi there everyone.
    I am so sorry to post again, and at this strange time (it's 1:27AM here), but I really need some help right now...

    My partner just informed me yesterday that she is going to be starting a course on Monday which will take her away from me for 7 hours monday-friday for eight weeks straight!

    I am distraught, I feel as though she's told me she has terminal cancer and is going to die in those eight weeks. My love and life is being taken from me, and I'm being left to my own devices at home, and I have nothing and nobody here for me to talk to, caress, argue, eat etc.

    Up until now she's been my social lifeline, she's gone to all my psychiatrist meetings with me, all of my doctor's appointments, all of my meetings, etc... now I don't want to go to any of these on my own, I feel so ****ing anxious and empty.

    I'm a man, but I admit it to everyone here and now - I am scared shitless. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I have no support in place, I've begged her not to go, even though I know that's wrong, but she's determined to do it.

    Look, I am not asking for anyone to jump on a freaking plane and fly over here to New Zealand, sit with me for eight weeks while I melt in front of them or anything (but that would be nice), I just don't know what to do now, I have lost everything, and I feel so alone and helpless!!
     
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  3. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    I would say.. you need something to do while she is gone! something to keep your mind off it and make the time pass faster. Anything! even writing about what it is that makes you stressed and worried while she is gone and your alone.. sometimes getting the feelings out helps make them a bit less strong and it would give you something to do too! Another thing I alwase think of as helpfull is having a pet to talk to and just be around so the house doesn't feel so empty. Then there is a warm body to pet and talk to and do stuff with. and there is alwase the cooking and cleaning and stuff that I am sure your wife would love to see done when she got home!! LOL although being stressed out while doing that stuff tends to make the job go slower. Anyways.. hang in there! its not forever and I am sure this is something that your wife really needs to do or she wouldn't put you through it.
     
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    You have to accept your partner has a life. She needs to be allowed to live it too! It is very unfair to beg her to stay. Most jobs are at least 8 hours a day. What you do is you learn by getting out and doing. When it was balls to the wall and I was very sick and my husband was injured I had to drive myself to the doctor that he always went with, grocery shop, everything and I had to take care of him... Not him doing it for me. I cooked all the meals. I did everything.

    It was hard but I learned I could do it and it wasn't as horrible as I thought. I did collapse and get very sick once it went back to normal as it was too much but I saw it could be done. This may be a good time for you to take up a hobby and learn you do not need someone around you. Everyone needs space and it may be good to have a little space forced upon you.

    Just remember partners are part of our lives and visa versa, they are not our whole life and you should not expect them to make you their whole life. Compliments to life is more what you should be aiming at.

    Congratulate on her work in the course she will be doing and wish her all the luck. I know it is scary but you will really be OK.
     
  5. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Keep coming to the forum....use the forum for support. Learn to find ways to enjoy your own company.
    You will be ok....you can do this.
     
  6. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Mortiis,

    Within a week of my PTSD symptoms coming to the surface, my husband was gone for five weeks (home for weekends) in a row. Tough doesn't even begin to describe it. But I did it. I worked, took care of my daughters (who also helped to take care of me) and dealt the best I could. But I proved to myself that even when things were at their worst that I could manage, I could function. I hated it and wanted my husband home. But this helped him a lot with his job.

    Remind yourself that it's temporary. I know it doesn't feel like it. But it won't last forever. Get something for yourself to do, keep yourself as busy as you can. It will help. And know that you're going to prove to yourself that you can do this.

    Lisa
     
  7. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    Are you able to focus on reading? I find reading informational books on healing and positive thinking really helps me. I love to be alone and read so I'm not sure if this is the right advise.

    There are so many things on the internet. Try to think back when you were a child and remember what you liked to do. For instance, maybe you liked basketball. Maybe you could find a game on the internet on basketball. At first it may seem dumb, but if you like it as a child it will come back to you (most likely)

    Hang in there and I wish you peace
    Tammy
     
  8. John_R

    John_R Member

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    I don't know your life situation, but you could turn this into something very positive.

    This sounds like it's an excellent time to develop an alternative support system for yourself. Use this forum when you need it, if possible try to connect with old friends and explore some possible hobbies that you might enjoy.

    You could even do some volunteer work at a local church or community center. There is so much that you can do to fill the void.

    Trust me when I say that there are times when I have a hard time living in my own skin. When that happens I do a lot of research online on different topics that I enjoy, I go for walks etc. In your case perhaps you can spend time writing love letters each day so when your partner comes home they have something wonderful and supportive from you.

    As I said above I don't know your life situation so with that in mind I would also suggest doing everything that you can to help your partner succeed. Have dinner waiting, draw her a bath etc. Just be as supportive as you can one day at a time. This could help make the time go by faster.

    John
     
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