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Dom Violence Okay so i cussed a little

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St.Maybe

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I'm scared... I just spent an hour and a half at the police station being bullied and sweet-talked by a dispatcher and an officer in turn throughout my attempt to file an official complaint for police failure to follow up or collect evidence after my ex shot at my house.

This after him threatening to first kill my neighbor and then kill my boyfriend and myself.

I honestly don't know what to do. I'm livid pissed that glassy eyed f*ck took a shot at my house though, while my boyfriend was smoking on the deck. And I'm more than miffed that the cops didn't collect the shattered glass from the lawn light that got shot out, or look for the bullet, or st least go collect footage when they said they would, even after I called in to make sure the footage was retained and after the damn shop that had cameras in rage followed up by calling the cops to come collect it.

My current boyfriend has been kind and helpful, but I find myself extremely suspicious of him as a well... my ex gaslit me in ways I'm still staggering from and often enough I'm afraid new bf is just f*cking with my head.

I feel like I'm barely keeping it together.
 
I feel like I'm barely keeping it together.
I can imagine!

I don't know how things work where you are, are there any domestic violence organisations? Wonder if you can ring and ask if anyone can advocate for you.

Coming out of an abusive relationship too, amazes me how difficult it is to get anyone to hear me, bit if I get someone to advocate suddenly something gets done.

Re your new relationship, it's difficult doubting ppl all the time isn't it.

Hope you can up the self care for you
Best x
 
I've pretty much learned that you have to collect the evidence for the cops. I'm not sure if it's different depending on the state you live in or what their issues are, it seems pretty straightforward to me.
 
And I'm more than miffed that the cops didn't collect the shattered glass from the lawn light that got shot out, or look for the bullet, or st least go collect footage when they said they would, even after I called in to make sure the footage was retained and after the damn shop that had cameras in rage followed up by calling the cops to come collect it.
Goddamm this posting hits way too close to home. 10 years later and my life is still ruined because the police didn't do their job.

No advice. If you figure out how to protect yourself without the police I would be thrilled to know it. I am still trying to imagine to myself (for healing purposes) how things would have been different if they had actually protected me from those twisted f*cks.

But they didn't. Be safe.
 
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I wouldn't suggest collecting evidence "for" the police because it won't be able to be used in court. The defense will get it dismissed so fast you'll have whiplash because there's no chain of custody.

If the police aren't doing their jobs, report higher. Go to their boss, then the next boss. Then the next.

The first time my ex hit me I called the police the next day. I had a female cop assigned. She swore he'd be in jail that weekend. It turned into he said/she said. Then she was meeting my ex off duty and talking to him about the case and telling him what I told her and he said that she told him "I don't believe you could do this." So I complained to victim witness who told the chief and he reassigned a new male detective to my case.
 
Thank you all for your replies and advice. I finally got them to follow up- so irritated and confused by this whole mess. It was the victim witness coordinator who told me that they never followed up, and who encouraged me to make the report in the first place. I'll be sure to contact them again if the officer on my case doesn't straighten up. I'll also reach out to an advocate because I've been outright lied to by numerous dispatchers and condescended by almost every official I've spoken with.

I wish my head wasn't so messed up by all this. A restraining order out for almost a month, never served. I didn't even realize through all of this that I'd gotten so depressed. Stopped cooking, cleaning, quit doing just about everything outside of the bare minimum, often not bathing. I'm seriously considering talking to some of the free counselors listed in the DV pamphlet they gave me when I went to talk to victim witness.
 
Thank you all for your replies and advice. I finally got them to follow up- so irritated and confused...

I had a PO filed when I divorced my ex husband on advice of the DV advocate at the time. But he hadn't been really violent at the time I filed. It was the one way to get him out of the apartment. It got approved but by the first court date for the divorce he had yet to be served. (He didn't show up to the divorce anyway). So I asked the judge to dismiss it because it was pointless. He wouldn't come back and he only has ever come back if I went and got him. He left the day after I went to a shelter only because I got someone to give him a ride to his dad's house. So I came home the next day thankfully with our daughter.

I understand the police have to follow certain procedures when they investigate but if you think they're not doing their job then take it up with their chain. I did it and they reassigned a male detective to it. He knew my ex was full of it and tried to get him to take a polygraph. Of course he wouldn't.
 
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