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Old Memories Cropping Up

Discussion in 'General' started by batgirl, Nov 7, 2006.

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  1. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    The last few days have been really weird for me. Normally I enjoy gaming, going for walks, drawing, and going to the gym to work out, because all these activities seem to help me relax and think. However, lately when I'm supposed to be relaxing, instead I'm thinking about all these past things that happened to me prior to the trauma with my family, and they are upsetting me almost as much as the trauma itself. For example, I remembered this teacher I had in highschool who told me I wasn't smart enough to attend university. It felt like I was right back there, being hurt and humiliated all over again. I'm remembering bad things I did too, like stealing a chocolate bar from the store when I was a little kid, and feeling guilty and ashamed about it all over again. A whole bunch of these old memories just keep popping up, and they all feel like they just happened.

    My trauma anniversary is in January, so I always try to prepare for that... but this is November only. Although, it was just my birthday a month ago and my brother's birthday was last week, and my natural mother, who died when I was 7, her birthday is in 2 weeks. Would birthdays be causing this? Anyways it sucks.
     
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  3. JoannaG

    JoannaG Active Member

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    Batgirl PTSD doesn't need a time or place or event to popup. Everybody's recall is different. Myself I can't face holiday's, birthdays, churches as was raised Jehovah's Witness. My ex is United church ministers son now wicka.
    Asked me last time I saw him he asked me if spell he cast was working. I know I'm the crazy one:rofl: . My recall happened at thirty two. I mean feelings recall not just movie recall. Always had that. Feelings recall is much harder to figure out.
     
  4. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Batgirl, if you haven't already read, please read [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread556.html[/DLMURL], as that would have a lot to do with your increase in thoughts and symptoms. Whilst this forum is good for healing, if your not ready to heal, then just chatting here and reading will begin the process in your mind whether you want too or not. The forum does its job well.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2015
  5. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    OMG that's really funny, Joanna! My friend is wiccan but she doesn't go around telling people about casting spells lol. Anyways thanks for your support. I'm feeling a little bit better this morning.

    Anthony, thanks for the link... I hadn't read it yet. Err... but now that you mention it, I have been feeling like this basically since joining the forum. Duh. I don't know why it didn't occur to me before. Anyways I'm going to read it this morning.
     
  6. JoannaG

    JoannaG Active Member

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    Mine wicka is bipolar. Wanted to know if son was guilty or not. Something to do with spell he cast for sons court case. As I repeated at time was not there and don't know if he was guilty or not. Am not lying as has 75 baby goats I was bottle feeding at the time. To this day wondering where hub and other adult in house was in all of this. Tryed to save prosecuting girl and two friends running around, and ****ing around in G trings at time. Som had only been home two weeks and on the couch as no beds at time this happened.
    Hubs backs other woman who is by the way sole power of of attorney on his will and executer. She is major cock tease and hubs has known her from grade 2. Says I am his woman but she is no 1.
    To boot ex still attacks me for any given time in last fifteen years. I let sons into his custody to keep them safe and from court case and current hubs.
    Last week delivers 200 to son in jail 150 to youngest for emergency money and son #2 is coming this weekend and I don't want him to see me this bad. I am sposed to protect them not other way round #2 just turned 20 on the twenty third. I didn't give him anything but my love.
     
  7. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    batgirl,

    Sorry for coming in late but I don't need to read the link. You are and have exposed so much. You read and being able to feel you can feel others' pain too. It can be hard. Sometimes you need to give yourself a break from the board especially when new. Or not new. When you start pulling things to the surface you are going to trigger yourself all over the place.

    Do not push yourself too hard or too fast as you have what it takes to come out of this, do not sabotage yourself. Take this slow and steady and you will do well.
     
  8. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    Yes that's a good idea veiled. I have been feeling much worse. Last night was nightmares galore... blech. After this morning I think I will be taking a break from the board for a couple of days.
     
  9. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    Well obviously I didn't take that break as I was on the chat today. But after the chat I totally crashed and burned. I feel exhausted and freaked out. So I think I will be taking that break afterall. See you guys again in a couple of days!
     
  10. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Have some good rest batgirl... take it easy on yourself, your just getting into things, don't rush it.
     
  11. reallydown

    reallydown I'm a VIP

    Hi batgirl, hope you manage to get some rest.

    I've been feeling like that lately too...though not because of the forum...just the crap that's going on.
     
  12. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    Thanks everyone. Well I took 2 days off, although I peeked at the forum yesterday but only stayed on for 5 minutes and didn't post anything or read much. The time off, even though it was short, really made a difference. My mood actually lifted quite a bit, I felt a lot more hopeful about things, and I had a good sleep last night... that doesn't happen very often. Not sure I'm ready to feel blah again yet, but I'm back...just for a short time this morning, though. I'm quite busy today with other obligations and I don't want to push it.
     
  13. JoannaG

    JoannaG Active Member

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    Be patient with yourself Batgirl
    Babysteps, and have faith in yourself
    Take all the time you need. When your ready we'll be here for you
     
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