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Old wounds opening up - sharing the story for insight.

Discussion in 'Supporter Relationships' started by Newtoptsd, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. Newtoptsd

    Newtoptsd Well-Known Member

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    Hey All,

    I joined this site over a year ago when I started dating a guy who suffered from PTSD. Those of you who were on the journey with me will know if my story but for those who don't, I dated him on and off for around 7 months, during the first two months there was some pretty great times. There was also a hell of a lot of pushing and pulling from him, one minute he wanted to talk and told me he couldn't have a relationship, the next he was telling me he loved me and wanted to marry me. He then started to rapidly go downhill, moved out of his flat and back in with his Ma and started back on therapy and meds, quit his job and set up his own business. Come February, the last time I saw him was Valentines day, after that he went dark on me, historically this was his isolation, so I left him to it, didn't reach out and waited to hear from him.

    Rather than hear from him I was shocked to see Instagram post's he'd been tagged in with another girl ..... quite clearly in a new relationship. I confronted him and rather than apologizing or saying anything on the matter all I got was 'I don't know what to say'. I didn't kick and scream just silently cried in pain, I'd given a lot of my life to this guy. Researched endlessly, held his hand when he cried, cancelled plans to be with him when he 'needed' me, I forgot about me and made it all about him. I spent hours browsing this site for answers .... ad for what? A massive pie in the face, a pie full of Bulls**t as well.

    I managed to move on, bumped into him a fair bit as he lived near me but managed to be just about ok with it all. Even saw him with his new gf a few times. The other week at 4am I received several phone calls from him, wouldn't stop ringing - at this point I was in bed with a new beau. I answered and was greeted with one of his panic calls, 'I need you, I don't know where I am, I'm coming round, where are you' etc. etc. I told him to go home and then we'll go from there, he kept ringing me when he was home saying he was coming round - not a good idea. So I chucked on clothing, tried to explain to my new man what was going on and ran round to his. Found him in a bit of a state to say the least, give it ten minutes and he was telling me how lovely I was, bringing up all the good times, saying how good I looked. I asked about his gf, he said he was single, could not be in a relationship, didn't want to be and then tried it on with me. All be it my willpower wasn't as good as I thought and I may have kissed him, but then came to my senses, I got him to go to sleep and then went back home. He laughed it off the next day.

    Forward two weeks later, I drunkenly rang him ONCE. I received a rather abrupt message the next day telling me that what I did was not what he needed, he was not well and I wasn't to message or ring him again. That day he was tagged in a post with his supposed ex.

    Fast forward a few days, his gf is selling his furniture on the local selling page and it popped up on my Facebook. I am now in that constant state of wondering what the eff is going on, worrying about him and also hating him. I wish he had never entered back into my life and said all those things.

    I don't know what the aim of this post was for me, probably just to make supporters aware of the ups and downs and trials and tribulations. This man is not well and should not be in a relationship, no amount of love and care will cure someone, they have to do this themselves and want to get better themselves, not told to get better. I lost myself when I was with him, and am losing myself ever so slightly after a tiny bit of contact, try not to get embedded in this PTSD world and make damn sure you're looking after NO1 ..... YOU.

    Big love to all you supporters x
     
    Supervixn, Sweetpea76 and Snowflakes like this.
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  3. NaeNae75

    NaeNae75 Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    I had an ex that would try to do this crap to me and a million other girls and didn't have PTSD... this is called being a jerk. There are tons of people with PTSD that would never behave this way, and tons without that do.

    I would ask you why you would tolerate this type of behavior from anyone, or participate in it yourself.

    Is it really to show other supporters or to make yourself feel less guilty for also cheating? Don't get me wrong, you are an adult and can do whatever you want. But I will be clear, PTSD isn't what "made" either of you behave this way.

    You're right, he had to do this himself. Since you've been broken up with no contact, for such a long time, why would you let him pull you out of bed with someone else? You are making judgements about whether he should be in a relationship or not, but you have nothing to do with that decision. Maybe you should make that decision for yourself.

    If you're losing yourself after a tiny bit of contact, I suggest maybe you should get your own help... this whole thing is beyond just "his PTSD".

    I'm nit sure what you mean by warning others not to" get embedded in this PTSD world". I'm not sure if you mean keep healthy boundaries etc... something maybe you should try yourself. Yes, the only way to live in ANY relationship is with healthy boundaries. Or do you mean run away from people with PTSD and look out for yourself? If that's the case, for some people that might be true, but for the rest of us it's not going to happen. For many of us, we haven't lost ourselves by being supporters.

    I'm sorry you're hurting, but the best thing you can do for yourself is move on for real. Block him... Block posts on FB that are unsettling to you. They have that option for a reason. Don't play into someone else's need for attention. Try to recognize this behavior isn't sure to his PTSD, it's due to being a selfish ass. Maybe then you'll realize you don't have to be there for him.
    Get some help for your own behaviors. Ask yourself why you would allow yourself to be treated this way.

    Just remember, PTSD doesn't make someone an asshat. Some people that are already jerks happen to also have PTSD. The percentage of people that are is likely the same in both populations.
     
  4. Newtoptsd

    Newtoptsd Well-Known Member

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    Sorry I think there was some huge miss-understanding in regards to my post. I did not cheat, I am not in a relationship with anyone, this new guy is 'new'. I went to go see him because he told me he was in trouble, I wouldn't leave unless I thought it was serious. It was serious. He was sat with his sleeping pills and a bottle of wine.

    What I'm saying is .... he understands he can't be in a relationship yet chooses to push and pull with me previously and with his current gf. When you enter a relationship with someone who does this it's important to not get drawn into wanting to make them better, you cannot do it for them. They have to do it themselves.

    This is what I'm getting at.
     
    Snowflakes likes this.
  5. Snowflakes

    Snowflakes Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    @Newtoptsd I remember you. Your story when you first got here made a big impact on me. I’m sorry you are hurting. Take care of you. Hugs if appropriate and you accept them.
     
    +littlebird likes this.
  6. Newtoptsd

    Newtoptsd Well-Known Member

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    @Snowflakes I also remember you and your wonderful words to me and all us on here when giving advice. I hope you are well and your journey has hopefully brightened up somewhat since we last connected? I will be leaving this site but wish you all the best and sending you huge hugs back!!
     
    Snowflakes likes this.
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