M
Moozie
So I went to Janina Fisher's workshop a few weeks ago and when I came back it was clear to me that I had to fire T and that I could no longer stand to see her with the amount of anger/ resentment harbouring inside of me. I was hesitant to do it at first and wondered if I was being too sensitive but I decided to pull the trigger after I got a chance to talk it through with some therapist friends at the workshop..
In a nutshell, I lost trust in her when she uttered the words 'we don't want to blame your mom'. She said she didn't mean anything by it and that she thinks in life it's healthy to wish everyone well.. even those who hurt us... But I couldn't help but feel like what she said was pretty insensitive given the fact that we hadn't worked on processing any of the trauma or abuse yet.
She said this a few sessions after I gave her more details about how my mother physically hurt me as a kid (and I only did so because she kept asking me for more details so she could fill in the blanks). I told her not to tell me that bc I have a right to be angry at my mother. But a few sessions later she said it again.. We don't want to blame your mom... We want to wish her well...so I reminded her again not to say it.. She said she would agree not to.. But it didn't matter.. My trust was out the window. I knew deep down that she couldn't handle my negative feelings and anger towards my mother.. Maybe because she's a mother herself..
So with that I wrote her an email. Thanked her for her help and explained to her once again why I was letting her go in hopes that she would apologize for hurting me... I told her once again that hearing her say that I shouldn't blame my mom had an impact on me being able to trust the therapy she was offering. It took me years to take the blame off myself and to place it on my mom, where it belongs, and so to hear those words from her sort of undermined all the work I had done so far and caused me to feel afraid that I was wrong in being angry at her or wanting to blame her. But the more I think about the more I'm reassured that it's OK to place blame where it belongs. I shouldn't have experiences of being cornered and beaten up and I shouldn't
know what it's like to have my own mother's teeth digging into my body as a way to release her anger. and on top of that being blamed for the barbaric behavior. That's how I justify it to myself.
While I believe that it's not beneficial to stay stuck in anger and in blaming others, I think in my case it's important to place blame where it belongs and to feel the anger that was never felt. I believe that anger is an antidote to depression and what doesn't get handed back gets passed on to the next generation.
Her response was pretty dumb and angered me even more.. She was like.. I'm sorry to hear that yes your anger is justified but i have to correct the impression you have of me... I just meant that in life it's better to wish everyone well.
Do you guys think I over reacted?
In a nutshell, I lost trust in her when she uttered the words 'we don't want to blame your mom'. She said she didn't mean anything by it and that she thinks in life it's healthy to wish everyone well.. even those who hurt us... But I couldn't help but feel like what she said was pretty insensitive given the fact that we hadn't worked on processing any of the trauma or abuse yet.
She said this a few sessions after I gave her more details about how my mother physically hurt me as a kid (and I only did so because she kept asking me for more details so she could fill in the blanks). I told her not to tell me that bc I have a right to be angry at my mother. But a few sessions later she said it again.. We don't want to blame your mom... We want to wish her well...so I reminded her again not to say it.. She said she would agree not to.. But it didn't matter.. My trust was out the window. I knew deep down that she couldn't handle my negative feelings and anger towards my mother.. Maybe because she's a mother herself..
So with that I wrote her an email. Thanked her for her help and explained to her once again why I was letting her go in hopes that she would apologize for hurting me... I told her once again that hearing her say that I shouldn't blame my mom had an impact on me being able to trust the therapy she was offering. It took me years to take the blame off myself and to place it on my mom, where it belongs, and so to hear those words from her sort of undermined all the work I had done so far and caused me to feel afraid that I was wrong in being angry at her or wanting to blame her. But the more I think about the more I'm reassured that it's OK to place blame where it belongs. I shouldn't have experiences of being cornered and beaten up and I shouldn't
know what it's like to have my own mother's teeth digging into my body as a way to release her anger. and on top of that being blamed for the barbaric behavior. That's how I justify it to myself.
While I believe that it's not beneficial to stay stuck in anger and in blaming others, I think in my case it's important to place blame where it belongs and to feel the anger that was never felt. I believe that anger is an antidote to depression and what doesn't get handed back gets passed on to the next generation.
Her response was pretty dumb and angered me even more.. She was like.. I'm sorry to hear that yes your anger is justified but i have to correct the impression you have of me... I just meant that in life it's better to wish everyone well.
Do you guys think I over reacted?