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On That Road Less Traveled - Pick Your Abuse, I'm It

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by map9, Mar 11, 2007.

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  1. map9

    map9 Active Member

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    I posted the below letter on the wrong thread, it should be here in the Introductions section. My apologies, I will learn as the days and weeks go by and familiarize myself with posting in the forum. I'm glad I found this place and am very grateful for those who have provided a sanctuary of sorts for individuals such as myself with PTSD and friends or family to discuss PTSD topics. Love, map9

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    Hello everyone, I'm new here and this is my first post. I would like to say that on occasions I "feel" like a success story, granted, not always, but I'm getting better. It has been a lifelong process. I'm in my mid fifties, a female and married. I have four grown children, eight grandchildren and one great grandchild. I am retired from the telecommunications industry. I come from a history of child sexual abuse, various weather related traumas (tornados and hurricanes) multiple incidents of rape, family history of various types and forms of abuse, as well as spousal abuse. I have been diagnosed with PTSD for over twenty five years. Ten years of psychotherapy. Two years of intense cognitive therapy and two rounds of a 12-step program for long term abuse survivors/child sexual abuse survivors.

    It was never easy, it always seemed like a lonely path, sometimes very rocky. I seem to be getting more and more self-aware and autonomous. Co-dependent behavior has slipped away and is now just a memory. I deal now with triggers, sights and sounds, smells and settings much better. There are some days though when something truly awful will occur, it will set me back. It's akin to a "One step forward and two steps back." sort of thing. I attempt now to go with the flow, honor my feelings and my reactions and grasp what it really is, then take a deep breath and move on. There were days, no ... correction here, years of depression and lethargy. I went through decades of rushing through life, working in a highly successful way, multitasking my little heart out, volunteering for every committee, keeping my family busy, active and healthy. It was when they were gone, the husband had retired and the move to the country where the reality of my past hit me with a force of impact similar to a freight train running over you. I had hidden my past from myself, from others and continued to deal with a long dysfunctional family member (no blood relation) who was and still is pedophile. As events unfolded a new phase of treatment came about and seems to be a better way and that is cognitive therapy. I never did well on any of the drugs and never took any for long periods of time. I'm not a drinker and never have been so I'm most fortunate there also. My days are better and I do voluntarily stay here in the country side for it seems to suit me best. I still have a hard time being in groups of people so that is why I stepped in here, this forum. I will confront that aspect of myself. I'm my own hero. I see that now, it took me such a long long time to come to that realization. To have survived what I did as a very small child, all the way through to and beyond adulthood. I'm a senior citizen and have the past to prove it. My aim, is not to just be a survivor but a thriver. My love and respect to and for all PTSD forum members will be shown by me. Thank you for allowing me to come here and express myself. I'm looking forward to reading all the other threads and the posts therein, getting to know others, their stories and being encouraged by the tenacity we show to the world at large despite the scars, be it of mind or body. Hugs and kisses XOXO. Sincerely, map9
     
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  3. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Welcome map9... glad you joined and decided to say hi.
     
  4. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    :hello: Hi, and would like to Welcome you map9 to the forum. There is an enourmous amount of info. here and hope you find just what you need. Also, some really great support.

    Earlier this evening I found the internet article you posted. I had browsed it, thought I'd like to read it and bc of its length, printed it. Though I haven't yet read it, my husb. read all 22 printed pgs. This was nothing short of a mini-miracle. Don't know how this came about, but thanks for having shared it. It particularly caught my eye bc of it's author, that name J.P., though no doubt it's not the same guy I'm thinking of. It's the same name of someone who back in 1996 helped me tremendously through taking the time, pointing out and sharing very helpful truths, around the disease concept of alcoholism.

    map9, I know you don't have alcoholism, I do and have 10yrs. away from a drink. I did read that you're familiar with 12-step program for survivors. I too am an abuse and SA survivor.

    You're going to find so many people here with similiar trauma's and longstanding and with PTSD chronic and so forth, you see just how much we all have in common. You've probably read, and already seen this and know. Hang in there and I look forward to reading and hearing from you throughout the forum.

    Again, Welcome Aboard!
     
  5. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    welcome to the forum, map.
     
  6. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

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    welcome hon

    hey hope, linkie to the article *begs*

    cass
     
  7. map9

    map9 Active Member

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    WOW! Thanks for all the encouragement from everyone. Much love to each and every one of you and I can't thank you enough for the wam welcome! It feels wonderful to be understood. Can't express that enough. Love, map9
     
  8. map9

    map9 Active Member

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    Many Thanks!

    Dear Anthony, Going On Hope, Cookie and GR'ass, Many thanks for the warm welcome! It feels great to be understood and I can't emphasize that fact enough. I would like to say that this has been one the good days for me, finding this place is so much better than struggling alone. Every day is another step into this journey I call my life and having a safe place to come to is a life saver. Love, map9
     
  9. Portabella

    Portabella Well-Known Member

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    Welcome Map9, hope this forum keeps you on the path, and offers you feedback, input, guidance and friendships....

    Hugs,
    T.
     
  10. maus

    maus Active Member

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    hay what article? 22 pages, well well you give a lot of info on your first appearance here. Good for you that you have come so far. I am following at a respectable distance if you don't mind :wink:
     
  11. map9

    map9 Active Member

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    Here is my hand maus ... I will help you along!

    [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread4075.html[/DLMURL] (I hope this is the correct link)

    If not, here is another way ...:wink:
    Go back to the Main PTSD Forum page
    Scroll down to the section labeled "Information"
    Click on
    Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
    PTSD related information and resources
    Click on
    PTSD Described Informatively, Uplifting Even
     
  12. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

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    blink blink blink

    okiues
     
  13. vcc123

    vcc123 Active Member

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    Hi Map9

    Welcome to the forum.. everyone here is great.. & funny !! There is so much love and support to be given and received. Glad you found us !!
     
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