VioletButterfly
MyPTSD Pro
Please move this if it's in the wrong category. I wasn't sure where to put it.
I truly don't understand this up and down thing. I really don't. I don't know if it's the stress I've been going through in real time or if it's the amount of time I've been dealing with this whole trauma thing (10 yrs on a conscious level), but I truly wish someone(s) could explain this up and down instability. It's freaking me, making me want to give up, taking away my light and resiliency. I find it hard to try again and again, but I have been. The results have been that it just seems to get worse or go sideways. Is it chemical? Is it emotional? Is it individual?
I see others grapple with it out here and I feel inside, so I just have to ask. I'm so lost. I read my posts and they freak the heck out of me. They're very black and white or bi-polar, even. I don't know what to make of them. Am I just at the end of a rope, hanging onto the knot at the end? I feel like I'm trying more to baseline stay alive than to heal these days. Is it just one disappointment after another, complicated by the stress of knowing I have to go back into the work world? Heck, I don't know. I feel like I need a room at shrinks at this point, not just one. No wonder I want to self-medicate. There is no wonder anymore in my mind, I just know it's bad for me and have refrained for 2 days this time and had refrained for over a period of months before taking Sertaline. Thoughts? Insights? A very frustrated, scared, and rattled VB. Tks.
I truly don't understand this up and down thing. I really don't. I don't know if it's the stress I've been going through in real time or if it's the amount of time I've been dealing with this whole trauma thing (10 yrs on a conscious level), but I truly wish someone(s) could explain this up and down instability. It's freaking me, making me want to give up, taking away my light and resiliency. I find it hard to try again and again, but I have been. The results have been that it just seems to get worse or go sideways. Is it chemical? Is it emotional? Is it individual?
I see others grapple with it out here and I feel inside, so I just have to ask. I'm so lost. I read my posts and they freak the heck out of me. They're very black and white or bi-polar, even. I don't know what to make of them. Am I just at the end of a rope, hanging onto the knot at the end? I feel like I'm trying more to baseline stay alive than to heal these days. Is it just one disappointment after another, complicated by the stress of knowing I have to go back into the work world? Heck, I don't know. I feel like I need a room at shrinks at this point, not just one. No wonder I want to self-medicate. There is no wonder anymore in my mind, I just know it's bad for me and have refrained for 2 days this time and had refrained for over a period of months before taking Sertaline. Thoughts? Insights? A very frustrated, scared, and rattled VB. Tks.