WishfulThinking123
MyPTSD Pro
I have finally come to the realization that I feel the most loved when I am spiraling downwards. This is when people show true care and concern for me including my T when I disclose cutting, depression, anxiety, etc.. It is almost as if I dont know how to connect to others or feel that love outside of this context. This is when people want to invite me over, talk to me, etc.. And I thought I had stopped this thinking when last year I actually lost a couple of friends due to this... I keep telling myself that people care for me more and like me more when I am not a mess but these are just thoughts and not the reality going on inside of me. i know this sounds really manipulative but, I want my T to think I'm doing worse than I am...I want her to think I'm suffering so, that i can feel cared for by her again. Does anyone feel this way? Should I tell this to my T?