• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Relationship Overly Strict Parents

  • Thread starter Deleted member 28812
  • Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Deleted member 28812

The other day I watched a soccer movie, The Miracle of Bern.
It's not really what the movie is about but one of the characters had PTSD which is shown from the view of his young son.
The father is an overly strict and unemotional man.
Well... sometimes I do think my husband is just too strict, too demanding and when I ask him to change this he just says that life is tough and not for the fearful and that people will thank him one day. So, yes that anonymous post was mine.
Now when the character in the movie said just this it was like a deja-vu.

Am I overly demanding of him when I ask him to stop being so demanding?
I feel like a broken record because I ask him again and again. I don't want to hurt his feelings.
 
There are numerous things. He does not see that our older three year old son is still very small and demands he behaves like a grown up and he ends up in trouble for things like not putting his things in the right place.

He demands that the boy must never show fear and so on.
 
You might be dealing with how he was parented and so he is carrying on some kind of "family tradition" or something. What is his PTSD from? What kind of trauma?
 
He got combat PTSD and he thinks that the world is cruel, so he wants his sons to be tough. He holds the opinion that human lifes might depend on the person being neat and organized one day.
He also had an overly strict upbringing.
 
I think there can be some good things about being neat and organized. There are jobs in which these traits are needed and wanted by employers. How does he enforce these types of things on your 3 year old? Is there a way you could encourage him to be a little more tollerant and understand that the child's abilities are being learned, and have not been learned to their fullest yet?
 
Well, sometimes he is just being rude. Like when there was a thunder storm and the kid was afraid and he freaked out and yelled at the boy to stop crying or he would made him stand out there in the storm.
Well, First he was nice and tried to calm him down but when that did not work he treatened to make him stand out there in the storm. That was one of the worst things he ever did... And what is even worse he realized he overreacted later but he did not tell him he was sorry. I am really ashamed to talk about this. He promised me he is not going to do this again, but I think he is afraid he won't be an authority for the boy anymore if he tells him he is sorry.

Don't get me wrong in most cases he tries to enforce things the nice way but sometimes he is just to strict. When the boy put things in his box and my husband thought it was not done right he just made him do it over and over again until he was pleased.

To my mind he does not praise him enough. He rarely praises him. On the other Hand he does a lot of things with him and for him.
 
kid was afraid and he freaked out and yelled at the boy to stop crying or he would made him stand out there in the storm.
This isn't ok, and your husband having PTSD doesn't excuse it. This and the situation with the toys sound emotionally abusive to me. I'd echo the advice to get some support with parenting while also exploring treatment options for your husband.

You said you wanted to discuss the PTSD issues around this - can you say a bit more about what you mean and what you're hoping for?
 
I think my husband does see that this was wrong and he promised me not to do this again.
I think that my husband as a person with PTSD is afraid our son might grow up to be sissyish like many male PTSD sufferers do.

And he wants him to be neat because he might be a solider one day. For a solider not being neat in cause of emergency might have serious consequneces for himself or others. He is from a military family so he might really be a solider one day. I hope not.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top