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Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Sighs, Nov 12, 2017.

  1. Sweetpea76

    Sweetpea76 Semper ubi sub ubi. Moderator

    I wouldn't say we sufferer... I love my vet very much. He makes me happy much more than he makes me sad. I have the option to walk out of this PTSD mess if I want to.

    It's just very very hard to be f*cking Pollyanna all the time. I am definitely not Pollyanna by any stretch of the imagination. It's hard to be patient all the time. It's hard to be understanding all the time.

    I fully admit to being an asshole at times.
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2017
    Rain, Buttercup, bento and 3 others like this.
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  3. leehalf

    leehalf Well-Known Member

    Once in awhile an "oh, you're up? How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?" would be nice.
    Sighs, Rain, bento and 2 others like this.
  4. scout86

    scout86 I'm a VIP Premium Member

    I have to admit, that made me laugh. (Sorry!) Because I can totally see myself saying those things without giving it a thought. (Seems "normal" to me. :D)

    On the other hand, I sometimes respond to stupid questions with stupid answers. ("Who's there?" "Dracula", "Land Shark", "burglar", what ever comes to mind.) And, I'm guessing something like that would turn ugly in this case. Which is too bad. If you can't laugh about this stuff, there doesn't seem to be a good option.

    I hope you feel better soon!
    TreeHugger, leehalf, Rain and 3 others like this.
  5. A concerned spouse

    A concerned spouse Active Member

    Life of the supporter of PTSD. I've been in that rabbit hole to many times to even mention. Thank goodness it's been a while since I've been there. I've learned that it's so true when people say that there's a fine line between love and hate. We are only human and being a supporter has made me psycoanalyse every little word, facial expression, body language, etc. that my sufferer is doing. Until recently. I've learned to let it go. Allow him to own his frustrations, avoidance or whatever PTSD decides to do to him that day. I don't get angry, insecure, fearful or frustrated (most of the time) like I did in the past. I allow him to feel what he feels or doesn't feel but no longer take it personally or to heart. I know he loves me, even when he acts like he doesn't. I've learned that when he's being an ass, it's not me he's angry with (even though it feels like it). I stopped beating myself up for saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing and have learned that it doesn't matter what I say or do . . . It won't change anything. So when PTSD is on high alert, I back off, take care of myself, let him know that I'm there if he needs me and do things that makes me happy. I no longer fight, harder, beg or even compromise with PTSD because PTSD doesn't play fair. I just wait for the episode to pass, then put my arms around my suffer, smile and say "there you are . . . I've missed you" Hrs worth the wait!!!!
  6. Snowflakes

    Snowflakes Well-Known Member Premium Member

  7. Deanna's Gap

    Deanna's Gap Active Member Premium Member

    Well, I'm PTSD and I think why he said that was- because, he wanted to know how you felt. You were sleeping in another room and I think you felt isolated anyway ( that he would not ask how you were feeling, in a loving way, but he was checking on you to make sure you were okay. You were disappointed is all and neeed some attention.

    I would have gone to him and ask him for a hug. You probably have to do all the asking, but that is because he's unaware of his feelings.

    Sheesh- I'm on medicine and am not even suppose to feel these emotions but they are shining through.. what the hel&
    Freida likes this.
  8. Sighs

    Sighs Not a Fairytale Moderator

    @Deanna's Gap - I appreciate you taking the time to respond, but he definitely did not mean "how are you feeling?": He meant "Who's there?" as a sentry's challenge. He told me that later. That was not so much the part that riled me. The "what are you doing?" in the same tone of voice bothers me every time and especially bothered me when I was sick and could have used some TLC.

    I don't ask for hugs anymore because I hate being told no or even worse getting a pat on the arm like I'm your looney old auntie you don't want to upset but you sure as hell do not want to hug.
    Deanna's Gap and Snowflakes like this.
  9. Deanna's Gap

    Deanna's Gap Active Member Premium Member

    ^ He's very lucky to have you, I wouldn't have the patience so bless you. If someone treated me that horribly, I would have a flashback in a heartbeat. Even with my guy, I'm going to wait for a year before we get serious about anything. ( we've been on and off for 2 years) .I love hm but we are still both troubled. I could never treat someone that way. PTSD or no PTSD, Making a half attempt to dribble something on me, doesn't work for me. A half attempt with some dribble, flowing out of someones mouth, is called - half as4ed.

    What would grind on my nerves is he doesn't move. Any human in my house better have a life outside of me and they damn sure better treat me like someone they respect. I tell you what helps me the most, is not a human, but exercise. It makes me feel the best and I'm in a physical job all day ( doesn't matter) My nerves are better ( and I take a few meds for my PTSD) so the the medication doesn't do the complete job. I have to participate in the treatment. with exercise. My problem right now is I hate my job... but it will pass.

    I'm sorry you don't feel well.
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