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Parenting When You Have Ptsd

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Candleflames

MyPTSD Pro
Parenting is a lot of things. It's hard to do but so rewarding at the same time. The PTSD has offered some unique hurdles and perspectives. In looking back I can see some of the things that helped and things that hindered my ability to be a parent. There's the lack of sleep that comes with parenting and then the addition of nightmares or night terrors or fear of sleeping that we suffer from that exacerbates the fatigue. There's the hyperawarness and hypervigilance that can lead to over protection. The avoidance that can make us unable to share in some of the joys of their growing. Then the dissociation or flashbacks that makes us incapacitated for a time. The difficulty relating to others that means we have a hard time mingling with the friends parents. I'd add anxiety but as a parent it is experienced as sheer terror. I worry, as other parents do, that my having ptsd has/will interfere with child raising to the point of disaster.

I have 3 children (18, 14, 11) and spent most of my time as a mother undiagnosed. Yet somehow my partner and I have managed to raise (so far) amazing children. I vowed to not be like my parents, who were the source of my trauma, and took classes on parenting and child development. That has helped so much. In addition reading books from people who work with children, working in a day care, working on myself, having psychologists or doctors to help me has been a relief. I'm also lucky enough to have found a mentor who has helped me to define myself. Knowing myself has helped me in so many ways I can't even find words to express.

Still it has it's hardships. I am far from perfect but I think I might have been good enough so far. Now I am trying to figure out how to be the parent of and adult.

So what do I want from this thread? A place to share our ideas and experiences on parenting, whatever the stage your children are in. How do you address the issues I laid forth in the first paragraph? How do you keep conversations/explanations going from one childhood stage to another? How do you discuss your ptsd and causes with your children? Most importantly what questions should we be asking ourselves?

Did I forget anything? Probably.
 
Thank you for this thread, brilliant! I am finding it very challenging to be the parent of adult daughter who has her own life and her own family.

We have had some rough patches but managed to navigate through them.

I view her more as a equal as a an adult and respectful of boundaries with the grandkids.

I do not get to talk to her as much as I would like to but when I do the time is precious to me.

I think I make a better grandmother than as a mother as I was in the beginning of therapy when both of my children were in grade school so I failed with the both of them a lot. I did not want to do to them what had been done to me by my family of parents and grandparents all toxic that I had to disconnect from.

I would like to learn more about how to be a parent with an adult child.
 
I can relate to most of these challenges. I have two daughters ages 12 and 8 and it takes every ounce of energy to give them a somewhat normal living environment. It's extremely difficult when nightmares get intense and I don't sleep much.

However, I've learned over the past year that I need to be realistic that I have these symptoms and can't always control my negative reactions to stress. The girls pick up on my bad days. My eldest becomes clingy and my youngest will have tantrums. The hardest part for me is the guilt about having to raise them while dealing with PTSD.

In order to function, I make sure that I stick to therapy and ask for help when I need it. I'm not quite there yet to the asking for help part but it's a work in progress.
 
Yes the guilt,, I remember it very well. I had a very hard time when I was at the bottom and just learning how messed up I was.
 
I struggle with this too.... my daughter is 12 and in the beginning of the year it was disclosed to me that she had been sexually abused.... this alone was horrifying enough to learn but it also triggered my own sexual abuse by my dad and a sexual assault by my sister's husband.

It's been agonizing to go through this.... my sleep has been disrupted, I too have nightmares and have lost over 20 pounds since finding out.

Time has helped some and I'm not as reactive as when I first found out. my daughter still struggles ALOT. And as a mother it's agonizing to watch my beautiful girl look so sad and depressed.
 
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