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People Leaving = Trigger

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Perspective11

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I found out yesterday that the current counselor that I have right now won't be working there starting sometime in Feb. Even though she's an Addictions Counselor she's helped me a lot more than most people have.

Part of my PTSD comes from people coming and going in my life constantly. And my way of dealing with this has always been to hurt them by things I say in-order to feel less hurt by them leaving, regardless of whatever the reason is they are leaving.

I don't want to do this with her... but the thoughts are still there and just the "she's leaving" is a huge trigger for everything that has happened in my life.

I've only been meeting with her since Sept/Oct and never thought this would be so difficult as it has been the last 24 hours.
 
Hi honey... I get this so much. People leaving is also a huge trigger for me and I have often wanted to lash out in the way that you do, but I've learned to not respond until that feeling/need has diminished enough that I can be civil and calm.

The good thing is that you are aware of this and can actively seek to NOT do as you would have before. Perhaps you can explain to her how this is making you feel and see if she will help you to find someone who will be a more stable T in your life?

Just a thought...

Rell
 
Change always disrupts things--and that makes it scary. As Pixie said--it's good that you recognise the tendency to do this.

Hang in there!
 
Taking the opportunity to explain might be a good idea -- one that I ought to try myself. I understand the urge to find any way to make the separation easier to bear. I relate to your line "Part of my PTSD comes from people coming and going in my life constantly." (Personally: I'm so used to being abandoned that I'll disappear at the first sign that someone's upset with me. I don't expect anyone to stick around.) Separation is difficult for anyone, but when you've got a long track record of it?

Wish I could offer you some concrete suggestions, other than seconding the suggestion to hang in there.
 
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Hi,

I had this exact situation, and in fact still have it. I had the most lovely, helpful therapist one could hope for. He retired rather suddenly, and although I do not have issues with people leaving it still left me really unsettled. I don't know if you feel like this so do not wish to be unhelpful, but for me it just seems like so much WORK to start all over again with someone else. It's exhausting living with PTSD when it still needs active managing and having to put even more energy into something feels incredibly overwhelming.

I'd originally joined the forum to make myself GO find another therapist, and it works. I haven't made the call yet, but have actually researched and 'found' several who I'll try to contact after the holidays. It's going to be work, I know, but absolutely has to be done. Please give yourself the room to not have to jump right in because with intent and resolve you're not procrastinating, you're laying the groundwork. Being here does help heal and generate your energy to go out there and DO the work. It's a commitment to log in here and know it's not just support but work, addressing PTSD on a regular basis. This is what it feels like to me, but I realize everyone is different.

As I said, I do not have your separation issues so perhaps I'm being very unhelpful. Some who do have those issues have probably posted items much more helpful, but wished to let you know at least that you seem very clear and aware of the situation and it's implications for you. I hope you do find someone really healing for you when you have the energy to get there!

Take care,

Anni
 
To me, it all boils down to the issue of "trust" This is something we all have trouble with, and to loose the T. with whom you built a trustful relationship is very difficult.

Ask you T. if she could help you by recommending someone she thinks you would do well with. I've had to do this, I wish you well.
 
Where is the therapist going? Is there any chance you can see her at her new venue, or continue consulting with her via phone or webcam?
 
Unless she takes me with her (which I highly doubt) I can't go to another state to meet with her. She's leaving where she is now because of personal reasons. Phone seems to be an "unethical" or "unprofessional" issue since she won't be working there.
 
ask her to recommend another therapist. I used to be scared my therapist was going to leave and he did but started his own practice and I stayed with him, I have to drive a bit further. throughout the first year I was constantly needing reassurance that he wasn't going to leave me he promised that he wasn't and it took me awhile to trust that. Being ignored or disregarded is a huge trigger for me and I have someone in my life right now that is doing that to me (in my eyes) and I am having a hard time not going off on him and walking out and telling him to go **** himself. Sometimes I feel like he is testing me.
 
Perspective,

I have had many therapists over the years and it's painful to lose a therapist. After all, they know you very well and you begin to rely on them to be there for you. I have to move on to different therapists because of insurance changes, changes in my therapist's or my schedule, moving to a new area, etc. I look at my therapists as merely as someone who is there to guide me and when I have to have a new therapist, I hope that my new "guide" will be able to show me things that my last one did not.

I feel for you as I know how hard it is to lose a therapist.

Gloria
 
I have also had many T's. Although it is difficult and tiring to go over the whole truama history over and over, in a way I found it helpful. I gained more clarity and distance from my immediate anxiety about talking about it all. As Gloria said, they are guides. Every T I had was helpful and having different perspectives helped me to be able to look at my Traumas from different angles. That ultimatley helped me feel more wellrounded. They all know what they are doing, and even though you do not want to feel abandoned, your relationship with a T isn't ment for anything but to hopefully help you to manage on your own.
Try not to look at them as your new best friend but as a tool for your recovery. This is not the timing that you would have wanted but this is an oprotunity to show yourself how determined you are to heal. Don't let anything hold you back. You have come so far already!
O
 
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