I can't do it. I just want to feel the way I did before december. everyday I keep hoping I won't feel sick to my stomach or dizzy or unable to breath because of chest congestion. The self hatred and worsening panic and the financial troubles because my husband missed so much work cause of my health. I am 2= months now of not being able to function, not doing dishes or vacuuming, hubby doing laundry as needed.
All the emotional stuff that is all I can do, is just lie in bed and think about it. The hospital is sick of me, they did a home check on me today and the guy was so rude, I was asleep and so was my husband at 9 am and one of my eyes is swollen for and I don't know why, and he is telling me I am asleep at 9 am because I taking to much medicine, which is bullshit because I am never awake at 9 because I can't fall asleep early and I am not even taking 9/10's of the medicine they gave me because something was causing me to have non stop panic attacks so stopped what I didn't have to take, yet they had a way of making me fell like this guilty scumbag
And now I am having flashbacks of my mom and her suicide they make me feel like i am just like her.the way they talk to me a treat me like I am junkie or something because I went in 3 times for ativan because I couldn't get my muscles to relax at all full body cramps which they said was electrolytes and low potassium but I don't I am just freaking out real bad and just my head feels so wrong, I want to be like I was before with just the PTSD symptoms. back before last december
I am scared of these new feelings and new symptoms and change in the way I think.
All the emotional stuff that is all I can do, is just lie in bed and think about it. The hospital is sick of me, they did a home check on me today and the guy was so rude, I was asleep and so was my husband at 9 am and one of my eyes is swollen for and I don't know why, and he is telling me I am asleep at 9 am because I taking to much medicine, which is bullshit because I am never awake at 9 because I can't fall asleep early and I am not even taking 9/10's of the medicine they gave me because something was causing me to have non stop panic attacks so stopped what I didn't have to take, yet they had a way of making me fell like this guilty scumbag
And now I am having flashbacks of my mom and her suicide they make me feel like i am just like her.the way they talk to me a treat me like I am junkie or something because I went in 3 times for ativan because I couldn't get my muscles to relax at all full body cramps which they said was electrolytes and low potassium but I don't I am just freaking out real bad and just my head feels so wrong, I want to be like I was before with just the PTSD symptoms. back before last december
I am scared of these new feelings and new symptoms and change in the way I think.