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Other Please help me.. now 15yo w ocd, as a toddler played with erection with brother... how bad is this?

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Well... you're saying you're not gay then, so that answers that question. You know the answers for yourself to such things if you be honest with yourself.

As for your brother... how the experience affects him is unknown. You will know that in the coming years and decades. There can be no affect (just normal sexual experimentation) to life long debilitating mental health issues (abuse by older brother if he views it that way).
 
if you make any suggestion that being gay is anything other than "born this way"....you can tell that people want to tar and feather you!
Ha... backwards place ha? I don't know why people would think so narrowly. Regardless the amount of times they've tried to link genetics to developing mental health, they just can't conclusively do it. Sexual preference is exactly the same (preference = choice to some degree). Sure, some people are born sexually a certain way. Others change feelings and thoughts in their lifetime. Nothing wrong with either option IMHO...
 
Honestly you're doing well just talking about it... a sign of maturity at best for a 15 year old. Well done.

I wouldn't be looking to label and self-diagnose here. You're sexually curious as all kids are, and siblings more often than not participate in some form of experimentation due to familiarity, especially where ages are close.

I would be focused more on ensuring your younger brother understands sexual experimentation and that they haven't felt forced in events where they may later turn that into feelings of abuse and thus trauma.
 
Ok, so I am just going to tell you it sounds to me like you and your brother were engaging in normal, explorative sexual play. You were close in age and you were curious. Getting an erection and even having an orgasm as a young kid is normal. Sexual abuse happens when there is coercion, threats or manipulation. Sexual abuse is about power. Usually sexual abuse happens with a marked age difference. Exploratory sexual play is usually between kids that are close in age and can happen with siblings. Could this be sexual abuse? I dont know the full situation.

This does not mean you are necessarily gay. You were curious about your body and your brothers body. You could have done this with a girl and then you could be gay or bi it does not signify anything.

I am concerned though about the sexual show you saw on tv. This could have been information you got way too early and then you were acting this out. Again this is normal for a young child who is exposed to sexual information then will want to act it out in play. You could have used a parent intervening and talking to you about your body and better ways to play with your brother

Having said that, I dont know how this will effect him.

As far as you possibly being abused when younger by an adult, there other signs then engaging with sexual play. So, children who have been abused will engage in sexual exploration and will masturbate but so will children who have not been abused. Sexually abused children however will act in sexual ways and masterbate maybe more often. They might display signs of PTSD like nightmares, excessive neediness, separation anxiety and developmental regression. Also, it is important to note that children who have been abused dont necc go on to abuse. Sexual offenders have usually a sociopathic or narcisisstic personality. This is what I know and others may disagree about this sensitive topic. I cannot for sure tell you everything is ok. I do wish you could see a therapist for your depression and anxiety. Perhaps you can get that to happen and once you trust your therapist talk to them about this. I am sensing a lot if depression and guilt feeling so which seem to me the bigger concern for a 15 year old then childhood exploration which was more than likely normal.
 
I agree with the idea of getting a book to read or researching the subjects online, like doing a Google search or going to wikipedia or ask.com. Pick out subjects that speak to you and you should be careful to try to look at things posted by professionals, not just "anybody."
 
Please, read it all.. please. I need some help, you'd be my savior.

So... it all started when I was 3 years old w...
I was abused when i interrupted two gay men having sex i was 6 yrs 11 months old when it first started. My abusers are long dead but i have had continued abuse for relating this. Now i console myself in the knowledge they are long dead. As your first awareness was at 3 yrs old have you thought you might have dissociative identity disorder DID which usually developes in children under 4 yrs as a coping mechanism to blank out child abuse. Worth a check with MH team . In the meantime you are here . As for fixing you there are those who can help and support but the one person who can truly fix you is you and you have taken the first step
 
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