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Please Help! Might Lose a Close Friendship Due to PTSD

Discussion in 'General' started by Daomadan, May 25, 2007.

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  1. Daomadan

    Daomadan New Member

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    How many others have dealt with a loved one who threatens to leave the friendship/relationship because of your PTSD?

    I have been in therapy for almost a year now and a close friend of mine was instrumental in getting me to start and stick with therapy. Our friendship was fine, but has sometimes been strained since she fell in love with me (and I don't think she's ever gotten over my subsequent rejection of that type of relationship). We managed to remain friends after that. We've weathered some rough spots and I've put up with her defensiveness and unwillingness to confront those who have upset her. I think these are some attributes of hers that have caused our most recent miscommunication. I had a bad night a few days ago. Something triggered a flashback and I was a wreck. The next day I tried to explain to her what happened, because I'm only just understanding all of it myself and I sent her some information on triggers and what not. She didn't really listen to me and instead started to attack me that she "Doesn't need to be educated on PTSD triggers" and then threatened me with "Call me when you're on drugs and I'll consider our friendship again." Which hurt. Horribly.

    I realize that it is not always easy to be my friend when I am dealing with something that triggers my PTSD or a panic attack. What hurts is that she is bullying me (I realize now that she really did bully me into starting therapy) to get better sooner than I can. It's like she doesn't realize that therapy will take some time and that I have discussed drug treatment with my therapist but that it is not needed. We are doing some successful cognitive therapy that works for me, it will just take time as you all know.

    I guess I'm at a loss as to how to proceed. Part of me is glad that she is gone. She's not honest with people when she's upset with them if they've done something consciously or unconsciously to hurt her. She waits months to drop zingers like "I haven't trusted you for the past six months." Simply because she fell in love with you and you didn't return her feelings and confused her. The irony of it all, is that she's an internet friend, though we've met once and talk on the phone occasionally, but she is always saying things like "You're hurting all of your friends with this! You're depressed all the time" She generalizes when she doesn't even see me on a daily basis and seems to focus on the few negative instances that have happened between us. I suppose, she really doesn't know me the way others know me. I've never had a problem with anyone like this before...it's only just her.

    I guess...I just need some people to listen and give me some advice or encouragement. We haven't spoken for a few days now. I think I'm seeing her for who she really is: immature, defensive, and nonconfrontational. I still care for her and would like to see our friendship continue, but I think we'll need to just take out all of the deeper talks and just focus on...work, weather...something like that. It's like we're seeing two different paintings when it comes to me and this situation: I see an apple where she sees an orange.

    Any advice on my situation or how to deal with a friend who can't handle your PTSD and thinks you're undependable because of it even though that's not the case?
     
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  3. dljwhitewolf

    dljwhitewolf Active Member

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    Sometimes folks come into our lives to show us newer paths, then exit. You do not need belittling at such a sensitive time it your healing progress. What I see is that you are more mature then she, and her defenses are what causes her distance with others, I.E. attacking them.
    You'll have to make choices, but I wouldn't let her berate me. If nothing else worked for me, I personally give back the persons medicine, and wait to hear ouch, then I let them know this is exactly what you have been doing to me, doesn't feel good does it?
    But you have a good head on your shoulders for identifying what really is going on, keep it up.
     
  4. Daomadan

    Daomadan New Member

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    Thanks for taking the time to read my post and comment, dljwhitewolf. This particular friend actually just contacted me yesterday and we were able to speak. She even apologized for using such harsh words to me. I'm still feeling that I should keep some of my distance in the friendship until we get over this current hump. It's definitely put some things in perspective, some things that I need and don't need right now.
     
  5. mouse

    mouse Well-Known Member

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    Daomadan
    Sometimes it is so very hard for the people that are in our lives pre-PTSD healing then we understan ourselves. we change daily from Triggers to healing to flashbacks to depression but we know whats happening to friends and family they have no idea. or any way to relate thats why you will find friend swho understand you here. you are helping here by providig her with info,my only suggestion is a heart to heart to explain to her that yiu are giving her info for you and for her to help each other. she will either think about how she ha been reacting and realize how selfish she is or she will back away. Unfortunatly backing away is common s be prepared. Like dljwhitewolf said some people are in our lives fo a certain reason and to help with an action like getting you here and hen they fade away so look at it this way she was a great friend cause she pushed you here and the healing can now begin. but know you may lose her cause you will not be the same person you were before you started healing. you are both changing and perhaps becoming less compatable. It hurts for a bit but then you can move on and so can she . hope that made sense and helped you some. most of us experience similar stuff with random results.
     
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