SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
This is getting so hard. I had problems in the present, a lot, over months, and the stress got to me. Now I'm all both anxious and depressed so much. The anniversary of a trauma I had (yesterday) may it worse, but I kind of thought from today it would get better. But it's like the feeling is bleeding from one day into the next.
I'm sure there are things to do, but my mind is racing, while my body feels unable to move and I find everything so hard to do. Currently there is small gap in work deadlines too and so it's up to me what I do and when. I need to start cooking and eating well too, but I need to grocery shop today and when I feel so low it's so hard remembering what I can cook and I'm afraid I'll buy whatever if I go shopping now. Not to mention that today even making sandwich or salad or anything feels like too much...but if I don't make myself cook I have to find decently healthy food to order or to go on junk food. I've been choosing the latter a lot while stressed and obviously, it's making my energy levels even worse.
I feel so tired and depleated. I push myself to still go to dance class on the weekend, and still do chores and meet friends and whatnot, but everything is so painful, so slow, so unproductive. It's like pushing against a current for every tiny little thing. It makes it so sad. I feel useless. It's taking me lots of effort to do any simple little thing, even getting out of bed, and that is so demeaning. I have a good day and it gives me hope, but then the next day it's back to all the darkness. I thought I'd learned a lot how to cope and take care of myself better...But now I'm a mess. Everything is wrong. I don't know where to start. Fixing one thing is like...one out of a 1000, feels good for a moment and then I'm back at that state again.
I want to exercise. I hate that I've gained weight. I'd love to be healthy and happy, but it's like in days like today I've forgotten HOW. It's like any coping things are slowly fading and I'm losing myself more and more. I need tips, help,... I need vacation and a break, but that I can't get so I have to deal....Please help anyone if you know anything that may help...
p.s. Can't really afford therapy right now. I know it would possibly help but it's not in my budget...
I'm sure there are things to do, but my mind is racing, while my body feels unable to move and I find everything so hard to do. Currently there is small gap in work deadlines too and so it's up to me what I do and when. I need to start cooking and eating well too, but I need to grocery shop today and when I feel so low it's so hard remembering what I can cook and I'm afraid I'll buy whatever if I go shopping now. Not to mention that today even making sandwich or salad or anything feels like too much...but if I don't make myself cook I have to find decently healthy food to order or to go on junk food. I've been choosing the latter a lot while stressed and obviously, it's making my energy levels even worse.
I feel so tired and depleated. I push myself to still go to dance class on the weekend, and still do chores and meet friends and whatnot, but everything is so painful, so slow, so unproductive. It's like pushing against a current for every tiny little thing. It makes it so sad. I feel useless. It's taking me lots of effort to do any simple little thing, even getting out of bed, and that is so demeaning. I have a good day and it gives me hope, but then the next day it's back to all the darkness. I thought I'd learned a lot how to cope and take care of myself better...But now I'm a mess. Everything is wrong. I don't know where to start. Fixing one thing is like...one out of a 1000, feels good for a moment and then I'm back at that state again.
I want to exercise. I hate that I've gained weight. I'd love to be healthy and happy, but it's like in days like today I've forgotten HOW. It's like any coping things are slowly fading and I'm losing myself more and more. I need tips, help,... I need vacation and a break, but that I can't get so I have to deal....Please help anyone if you know anything that may help...
p.s. Can't really afford therapy right now. I know it would possibly help but it's not in my budget...